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Hello, I've been dating this girl for four months now. I'm 26, she's 23. Everything, expect for one important aspect, is going great in the relationship. The problem is that she has a lot of anxiety in meeting my friends. We've talked about this and she knows it's important to me for her to meet my friends. I believe it's important to include your significant other in important social events that may occur with friends. She states that with time she will begin feeling comfortable meeting more of my friends but that I can't push her into anything or that will drive her away. I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to give her time because if I press the issue, it will just make matters worse. I give her invites to outings but don't pressure her if she says no. I don't want to end anything prematurely because every other aspect of our relationship is great. I just wanted to post on here to get everyone's thoughts. If I didn't see any improvement in a couple of months, I would then bring it up to her again because then I would be really concerned. At this point in the relationship, should I find it concerning that she is feeling anxiety in meeting friends or do you believe it's fairly typical?
Is she shy in crowds? Or does she maybe not like the events you do with her friends?
In general, in the long run, I would think she would want to get to know your friends. It will give her a lot of insight into you and who you are. It is, IMO, and important part of getting to know a SO.
I would never expect my fiance to want to do everything I would do with friends, but I would hope she would be excited to meet them, know them a little, and occasionally do things together as a couple.
Hello, I've been dating this girl for four months now. I'm 26, she's 23. Everything, expect for one important aspect, is going great in the relationship. The problem is that she has a lot of anxiety in meeting my friends. We've talked about this and she knows it's important to me for her to meet my friends. I believe it's important to include your significant other in important social events that may occur with friends. She states that with time she will begin feeling comfortable meeting more of my friends but that I can't push her into anything or that will drive her away. I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to give her time because if I press the issue, it will just make matters worse. I give her invites to outings but don't pressure her if she says no. I don't want to end anything prematurely because every other aspect of our relationship is great. I just wanted to post on here to get everyone's thoughts. If I didn't see any improvement in a couple of months, I would then bring it up to her again because then I would be really concerned. At this point in the relationship, should I find it concerning that she is feeling anxiety in meeting friends or do you believe it's fairly typical?
I think most people are at least a little anxious the first time they meet a SO's friends or family because they feel they'll be judged in some fashion. But it sounds as though your gf is more shy and anxious than most.
Have you considered having a few friends over to your home so that she can meet them there, in a comfortable environment in which she already feels safe? Perhaps a low-key get-together would help her feel more comfortable about meeting your friends. Don't ambush her, though. Be sure to tell her in advance that you've invited a few friends to come for pizza and board games, listening to music, or whatever.
Have you met her friends or family? (Just curious. )
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Hello, I've been dating this girl for four months now. I'm 26, she's 23. Everything, expect for one important aspect, is going great in the relationship. The problem is that she has a lot of anxiety in meeting my friends. We've talked about this and she knows it's important to me for her to meet my friends. I believe it's important to include your significant other in important social events that may occur with friends. She states that with time she will begin feeling comfortable meeting more of my friends but that I can't push her into anything or that will drive her away. I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to give her time because if I press the issue, it will just make matters worse. I give her invites to outings but don't pressure her if she says no. I don't want to end anything prematurely because every other aspect of our relationship is great. I just wanted to post on here to get everyone's thoughts. If I didn't see any improvement in a couple of months, I would then bring it up to her again because then I would be really concerned. At this point in the relationship, should I find it concerning that she is feeling anxiety in meeting friends or do you believe it's fairly typical?
I don't think this is that big of a deal.
Most of us feel uncomfortable in situation that are unfamiliar.
My suggestion to you is to take her on a fun night out with just one or two of your friends. Something where she can warm up to one of them and feel comfortable.
The next time you go out with her and a couple friends you can say, "So in so...the one you met last week...and another friend are going to the pub downtown. It'll be fun."
To be honest I have never had any interest in meeting any of my husband's friends. And I never once forced my husband to meet or hang out with any of my friends. I never made the assumption that just because I liked hanging out with certain people, that my husband would as well.
We had some issues early in our relationship when my husband would have a friend of his over, but then expect me to hang out with them and engage in conversation. I'd usually just end up getting distracted watching TV or playing with my laptop and then my husband would get mad. But I tried to tell him, "It's YOUR friend. If you want to hang out with YOUR friend, then go right ahead. But it isn't MY friend. YOUR friend doesn't interest me." I never once brought a friend of mine over and expected the three of us to hang out. If I wanted to hang out with my friends, I would go and hang out with them on my own.
You shouldn't pressure your girlfriend to meet your friends or expect her to want to. Respect her wishes.
I think most people are at least a little anxious the first time they meet a SO's friends or family because they feel they'll be judged in some fashion. But it sounds as though your gf is more shy and anxious than most.
Have you considered having a few friends over to your home so that she can meet them there, in a comfortable environment in which she already feels safe? Perhaps a low-key get-together would help her feel more comfortable about meeting your friends. Don't ambush her, though. Be sure to tell her in advance that you've invited a few friends to come for pizza and board games, listening to music, or whatever.
Have you met her friends or family? (Just curious. )
Be careful about the bringing others into her home idea. This may help for some, but I see a lot of similarities between myself and the girlfriend... and this would make things worse, not better. I have a very hard time meeting my husband's friends and family. If I get overwhelmed I withdraw, sometimes disappear... and end up coming off smug and stand off-ish...in reality I am a warm and caring person, I just need to feel comfortable. Things that help me feel more comfortable that I ask my husband to understand and accommodate:
-Give me plenty of warning instead of springing last minute plans on me.
-Don't put me in positions where I'll be bombarded with lots of new people that are familiar to him.
-When wanting me to get to know someone so that I might build a friendship with them, let me meet them (one or two at a time) in a neutral place like a coffee shop, restaurant or bar. Once I am comfortable in that neutral place with them, I am much more likely to be able to take the step toward meeting up in our home or in their home.
Bringing new people into my home to meet me causes me to feel violated and I will retreat and hide. Bringing me into a new persons home makes me feel that I'm intruding on their territory... equally uncomfortable. I do have people over that I know and am comfortable with, I just need to feel them out in a neutral place first. So keep that in mind. If the girlfriend is anything like me, she will be very uncomfortable with bringing them over to meet her.
For me, if I'm feeling introverted I have trouble with group socializing. The ultimate, most relaxed method would be to meet them one at a time, and only for a few seconds. For example, bumping into one friend at the farmer's market and another one next week at the laundromat.
No, I am not saying you should arrange fake 'accidental' meetings . But if she is like me, the worst scenario would be the one most opposite to this -- meeting everyone all at once, at an activity where she is committed for staying for an extended length of time, such as a meal or a night of drinking. So maybe don't do that.
This exact thing happened to me last night, except this is a guy I've been dating for ONLY a month. The last couple of weeks he had been wanting me to meet his family, then his friends. I'm shy and anxious like your gf, so I just kept blowing him off because I was uncomfortable with it. But then I decided to just go ahead and go. And so last night I hung out with him and SEVEN of his male friends. It wasn't bad at all. His friends were fine. It did get uncomfortable at the end of the night but it had less to do with his friends and more just the situation overall(it was a bar and so I had assumed early on that we would JUST be drinking and talking, turns out it was a bar/club and at 11:30 AM people started dancing and everyone expected me to dance too and I didn't feel comfortable. I felt like it made me look uptight and weird. Anyway I'm like your gf, and in previous relationship it took me a while to warm up to my "so's" friends. I had NO interest at all in meeting is friends and barely interacted with them. He would try to get me to, but I just wasn't into it. A lot of his friends, that did meet me, thought I was weird because I wasn't interested in interacting with them.
I think you just sort of need to understand that it may not be as important to her to get in with the "guys". I don't understand why it's so important for men to have their gfs hang out with them and their friends. I've never felt like that. Like I would never make a guy I date hang out with me and my friends nor would I feel like it's important that he meet my friends right away.
He might be doing it for her/you, to show that he is serious about the relationship and not keeping you closeted like an FWB.
You def gotta watch out for the guys who don't introduce you to their friends.
LOL, yeah I thought it was weird that this topic would come up literally the day after my situation happened. I think this must be a guy thing. I honestly don't know any females that make a huge deal about having their boyfriends mingle with their friends
Anyway I don't necessarily think every guy who wants to introduce his gf/or girl he is dating to his friends is doing it as this "serious" step in a relationship type thing. I've only been dating "my" guy for a month and it's definitely not serious as the OP's relationship with his girl.
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