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Do you find your SO's friends appalling? Are they so different from you in lifestyle and values that you wish your SO would just drop them and you don't understand why he or she still spends time with them?
There's too many variables to make a decision unless I was in that specific scenario and even then, if you were too, the choice may be different.
For example:
If they're lifelong friends that are just very different, too bad for you.
If they're friends that SO doesn't really like, what does that say about SO? Weak? Pushover? Doormat? Insecure? Needy?
If they're friends that SO does like and has a lot in common with, what does that say about you or your relationship?
I'm not really friends with his friends and he knows I'm not close to them and don't like some of them but I would never tell him to drop them simply because I know he enjoys their company and that to ask him to drop his friends simply because i dont like them is controlling and unfair. I wouldn't want him to ask me to drop my friends either. But we talk about our feelings and I share my perception on them. Lol I'm a good reader so I'm usually right lol
I've heard before that you can tell a lot about a person by the company they keep. In my life I have noticed it with my ex and my SO. My SO's friends are awesome. My ex-husband's friends, not so much. I would call them tolerable, but not my cup of tea at all.
What if a guy does not have any friends but a lot of acquaintances ? I got cut all my friends off because they where becoming a cancer and holding me back. If I wanted to be happy and successful I had to leave my loser friends in the dust.
I can make friends sure but it is hard when your all most 30 years old . On top of finding good friends is hard now days.
I don't think it would occur to me to police my SO's friends. I'd never date anyone who would tolerate someone treating me disrespectfully, and I wouldn't date someone who was easily led. I'm interested in adults who can manage their own relationships just fine.
my wife is a big girl with much of the same values as i
she isnt friends with any overly appalling people, and if they did have some form of appalling behaviors...she would make it clear that those are not appropriate around her, as would i.
as far as being friends with my SO's friends? i can find a common ground with just about everyone regardless of their outlooks. we just don't focus on the things we both find mutually unappealing about the other and behave like normal people would.
I tend to be opposed to "friends" who treat a person like crap, but my fiance doesn't really have any of those. He does have one acquaintance who tends to use people...she calls only when she needs a favor (going out of town for work, needs a last minute dog sitter for a week...it snowed, she has no snow blower, could you please come snowblow her driveway), and otherwise, you don't hear from her. But I wouldn't call them friends, and he's been better about drawing boundary lines with her since we've been together. Most of my fiance's friends are either super cool, or people I feel neutral about. There aren't any who drive me nuts. I would rather be with a guy who does have some healthy friendships, even if they're with people who I wouldn't necessarily choose as my BFFS than with somebody who isn't very adept at forming friendship bonds, overall.
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