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It's citizenship. It's for my future. So that I have options later in life. I don't want to end up like my mother... so I am trying to do things in my best interest. First time in my life I have "watched" out for myself.
The other day I got the wrong kind of "hanger" for the mirror in the bathroom and he said "You had one thing to do today and you screwed it up"....
I'm pretty sure I am being verbally abused... but sometimes I find myself questioning whether it is or not.
There is no need to get caught up on those technical details. You sound very unhappy and he sounds unrelenting.
As a side note, I don't get why he won't speak french to you. Does he not want you to learn it?
There is no need to get caught up on those technical details. You sound very unhappy and he sounds unrelenting.
As a side note, I don't get why he won't speak french to you. Does he not want you to learn it?
No, he is admittedly lazy about it. When I had questions on my French homework he would help me with one problem but then get short on patience and not help me with the rest. It's just not important to him. If it doesn't benefit him in some way, he doesn't care.
Can someone explain to me why French citizenship is such a desirable thing?
OP, your husband sounds like a real piece de mer*e.
Kshe95,
It would be citizenship for the whole of Europe. Not just France. I could retire there (anywhere in Europe) and be a citizen and not worry about my 401K going to medical. Make sense?
It would be citizenship for the whole of Europe. Not just France. I could retire there (anywhere in Europe) and be a citizen and not worry about my 401K going to medical. Make sense?
Only if it were dual citizenship....have you ever lived in Europe?
No, he is admittedly lazy about it. When I had questions on my French homework he would help me with one problem but then get short on patience and not help me with the rest. It's just not important to him. If it doesn't benefit him in some way, he doesn't care.
That's too bad. I had a friend like that who wouldn't teach me spanish. I wanted to learn! Have you tried marriage counseling? Both of you sound really unhappy.
That's pretty much what in-laws are, regardless of their nationality. That's why I like orphan men. Often, your own parents are not much different; you just tolerate them better because they're yours.
Two weeks out of the year, as long as they seem, are not that bad of a deal. When people come from so far away, that's not an unreasonable amount of time to stay at all. Some women put up with them on weekly, if not even daily basis. My Mother LIVED with her MIL!
I had one and only brush with a MIL - it was once, but she stayed for about 2 months as she was actually accustomed to living there half of the year before I entered the picture and even had her own room. The little (American) woman drove me insane! She kept repeating all day how "they" do this or that - they being she, her son, and the step-monster, and taking out from her endless boxes or bringing new ones from her daily trips to the drug store (where she HAD to be taken almost every day) dozens of cheap plastic and porcelain knickknacks (I'm not exaggerating!)/dust collectors. She also HAD to be taken to church every week and to various other locations of no interest to us. We turned into chauffeurs. I wasn't working during this time. It was loads of fun! I tried to get out and stay out as long as I could during the day or pretended to be studying in the BR even if I wasn't. Unfortunately, I do speak English! If you ask me, there's no better excuse for not communicating with in-laws than the lack of common language. My parents didn't speak English, loved their SIL's, and the love was mutual. You keep complaining they don't speak English. Well, they're old people and they're not about to learn a new language to accommodate you! If it's important to you, you learn French!
Dear God almighty, where does one start? My goal with this thread is not so much to get pity but to know that I am not alone in this temporary hell I am going through. Anyone have foreign in-laws out there??
I have been married to my French husband for a near 5 years now. It hasn't been easy AT ALL. I feel I have "lost" myself in this marriage as he sort of the type...... it's either his way or the highway. He has a very short patience fuse (always has) and I find myself walking on egg shells or trying to keep the peace. But that is a WHOLE other thread.
My family is scattered. My mother lives across the country and my father and step mother live about 40 min away. We go to their house for T-giving for the day but that's about it. Sister is far... etc. So I don't spend holidays to much with them... if at all.
My in-laws are French. My FIL speaks ZERO English... ZERO. My MIL speaks about 40 words and that is if she is REALLY forced to. My French is OK but I can only speak it broken. I have taken 3 semesters of classes. My husband doesn't help me learn. He just won't speak French to me so I have been on my own. I am HORRIBLE at languages and if you know anything about learning them late in life... good luck. It's not that easy. It can take YEARS to get it down... and French verb conjugation is a killer. And they are more than happy to correct you when you are butchering their language.
We see them every Xmas. My husband is in finance so traveling to France for Xmas is a no go. He has to work hard to close the fiscal year. They usually travel here. MIL is 72 and FIL is 82. My MIL is clearly "losing" it. Every year she has tics that get worse and worse. She talks to herself ALL the time. She says C'est Bon (it's good) or cuss words to herself. No, she doesn't have Tourettes. If you didn't know better, you would think someone is in the shower with her. She puts ENORMOUS amounts of fabric softener in the bleach dispenser, washes MY darks with my whites along with their clothes. You get the picture... I'm constantly running behind them to make sure they don't cause some sort of disaster.
Her voice is loud and stern. By American standards, it sounds like she is pissed all the time but she isn't... it's just the way she talks. I grew up in a quiet house so this is a tough one for me. She has this creepy stare ALL the time. When I am doing something, she hangs over me and watches everything I do... even if I am at the table eating. Awkward. The MIL lets out HUGE burps and the father farts. My husband does too in front of all of us. Really?
They are here for 16 days (WAY TO LONG for American standards) One time it was three weeks and I actually had suicidal thoughts towards the end.
Now here is the latest for this experience. Mostly, my husband works so I am stuck with them ALL day. He rents them a car but they rarely use it. So, they are in the house ALL day.. hanging out, over taking the kitchen, living room, etc. I feel pushed out of my own house. I can't go to work as my company has a forced shut down and I can only go to Barnes and Noble so many times. I normally like my own space but I usually just hide in my bedroom while they are here. Not like I can have a deep and meaningful conversation with them so it's just awkwardness all day.
We all took a 1300 mile road trip. We went to Sedona, then headed to Vegas and then back home. We get to the resort and the room is not what I had thought we planned. I thought it was a suite with two rooms off to the side. Nope, it was one living room with a pull down Murphy bed (it looked like a double) The parents immediately went into the big King room (that's fine, they are old) but I just felt uncomfortable sleeping in the living room for two nights. I knew I wouldn't sleep on that bed well anyway.
My husband sees the "let down" expression on my face and says "I knew it! I knew it!" You didn't understand how the set up was going to be did you? He goes BALLISTIC. Ranting and raving saying that I am high maintenance blah blah blah. I'm not high maintenance, just want privacy especially since I am living on top of these people 24/7 anyway. He is yelling the entire time in front of his parents. I didn't say a WORD. I just let him do his thing. He went into the bedroom and told his parents that I wasn't happy and etc. The dad kind of laughed. I felt a little ganged up on. I told my husband that I understood what he said and he said "SO WHAT!"
I went to the front desk and BEGGED the guy to find us a separate room. He did and he even upgraded us. They closed off the original suite we had so it was only the parents king bedroom. My husband and I got an upgraded suite. He didn't charge us anymore which is good because if it had cost 5 cents more, I would have never heard the end of it. Thank god for that man.
The trip is isolating. They talk French but my husband doesn't translate. I usually sit at the dinner table fairly quiet. I try to speak French but it doesn't go far.
Then we got to Vegas and having Champagne for the night was of utmost importance. We passed a Safeway on the other side of the street in Boulder City (before you get into Vegas) my husband pointed it out but it was the last minute. I said "Do you want me to turn around?" and he said "awww.. ppppfft, forget it, too late, we will find something else" So, we get to the strip and then drive off the strip to find a grocery store. NOTHING in sight... just kept looking and looking... meanwhile my husband is yelling at me (parents in the back) telling me it's all my fault and that we should have stopped at the earlier place. I hadn't said more than 3 words when I said "Why don't you, and before he interrupted me, I was going to say "Why don't you check your iPhone for the nearest grocery store" and he said "WHY DON'T YOU SHUT F*UCK UP!" I said "wow!" and he said "yeah WOW!"
"We find a seedy liquor store, he gets out, stomps in.. stomps out and I said "what happened?" and he said "It was 40 bucks! Way too expensive! The grocery store would have been cheaper"....
So we were back to square one. Coming from a guy that makes 250k a year, you would think he would get the Champagne and be done with it. Meanwhile, it was still my fault for not stopping before even though I offered to in the first place. I can never win with this guy....
His mother has this HORRIBLE TB hacking cough and she never covers her mouth when she coughs... she does this in the car too. Last night, she set down a plate of cheese and crackers... just as she had it in her hand, she hacked a lung ALL over the plate. Needless to say, I didn't eat any of it.
I have until Monday to deal with this.... and I have to go back to work on Tues. So much for vacation... a total loss. I don't know how many more years I can do this. HELP!
I'm not financially fit to leave yet... working on it though. Also, there are other complicated issues. I have a serious health issue and wouldn't be able to have my current employer cover it well so I am on his plan. ALso, I want European citizenship.... I'm eligible in April. He got his citizenship. I'm not walking away from this without anything. I'm 42. I need to think about my future. That's why I put up with it. I have a plan... and after this year.. I'm done.
I don't mean to be a b----, but Sorry, you loose all credibility w/ me. you are in it for your own agenda. That isn't honorable. Suck it up Nancy. Be a decent person to the old folks, take them out for a drive, gees hiding in your bedroom is childish. That might be why your hubby is so darn cranky, he works and makes good money, supports you, and you treat his parents like crap. What are your redeeming qualities in this relationship, you've told everyone his faults, so do you own any responsibility in this relationship?? If you detest your husband, cause that is how it seems, and you have contempt for his folks, leave the relationship....to do anything else is "using" someone. Get a lawyer, get your settlement questions answered and file, sounds like you all will be happier for it.
Only if it were dual citizenship....have you ever lived in Europe?
It will be dual citizenship. Most people think it's not doable but it is. Also, no I have never lived in Europe but France is a bit like my second home. I have been traveling to Europe for 20 years....
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