Tips on ending a 40 year relationship (dating, marriages, younger, family)
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I see the majority of couples that have been together this long fitting similar profiles. The saying "familiarity breeds contempt" comes to mind. If the relationship turned into a room mate or brother and sister type of thing as many do it makes it difficult because you still love and care for the person, but you just aren't "In Love with that person".
If you were in Brother and Sister mode an open marriage could be an option. It's not an "Acceptable Norm" in this society so you won't get much positive feed back here.
If your in a relationship that you just don't get along and you fight and argue with the person all of the time and it just wears you down, by all means get the divorce.
There are a ton of available women in the 55-65 age range that are available so you won't have any problems if you want to live you life with someone new.
Do NOT stay together for the sake of the kids. That is crap and does no-one any good: You or the kids. They know a LOT more than you think.
Counselors can deal with superficial problems, but you sound like a reasonably intelligent person who can figure out your issues and your feelings. Avoid third party interlopers if at all possible.
This situation is NOT sad. It is healthy that you know it is time to move on. $hit happens. The romance is over. The love is gone. There is no earthly reason to continue to play the game. Move along and enjoy life. Express to your wife that you hope she finds happiness as well.
Stay away from lawyers and mediators if at all possible. The first thing lawyers want to know is what you are worth. Their meter starts running right away, and they establish a target for themselves on how much they can get from you. That is what they have vested: their time/your money. As far as they are concerned, you and your wife can battle until the last penny (of legal fees).
DO sit down with your spouse and agree a plan to move forward. Don't let it get emotional. Don't argue over the last little item. If you eat $50,000 over a few items, so what? If you go to a lawyer, or court, you'll spend a multiple of that. Years from now, those pictures, or that table, or the split of an IRA won't matter a hoot, but you can spend forever trying to agree a split if you get emotional about anything.
Move along. Good for you having recognized that the marriage is over. Life is short. Get on with enjoying it.
I speak from experience. I made each and every one of the mistakes of which i advise you against.
Good luck. Find love. Enjoy life. Don't forget to tell your kids every day that they are important to you. They already know that the marriage is over.
Do NOT stay together for the sake of the kids. That is crap and does no-one any good: You or the kids. They know a LOT more than you think.
No stones, but there are all types of variation in how couples get along and how well they can deal with children and divorce.
In my case, growing up, my mom and dad did stay together for the kids and it was a good practical example that it was the right thing to do. They weren't hateful and there arguing was minimal and they just led separate lives outside of child rearing: He went off to the VFW to do his thing and my mom did functions with the neighbor women (who were probably in the same predicament). It would have been much more stressfull to us kids if they did divorce. They eventually did divorce when we were adults and have since found new partners.
So far as the finances go, can you both agree on what to do about that?
Perhaps just think along those lines, consider your options, then both of you choose the best option which will disrupt your lives the least?
Maybe one person could live in one end of the house and the other the opposite?
Maybe you could get an RV, park it in the driveway and someone live there?
Maybe add a room on to the house and have a separate apartment?
Anyway maybe selling the house would not be a good financial decision at this time with the housing market. So maybe it would be silly to have a big blowout, hire lawyers, sell the house, then you both wind up broke and in debt!
I think it would be great if you could both sit down, consider your options, then make the best choice which you both can live with. Some people can do that, others can't.
My parents divorced after 43 years of marriage. The marriage had been dead for decades before the divorce. Life is really just too short to "settle" for someone you no longer love or are attracted to. Both my parents were really far happier once they were divorced, though neither remarried. Being alone was better for both than being in a truly loveless marriage.
The number one piece of advice I have for you is to see a financial consultant before you separate. After 40 years together, your assets will be intertwined and that will be the real hurdle for both of you. Try to keep it civil. Fighting each other over each little knick-knack will be exhausting. I wish you the best of luck. Most people just stay together after 40 years, you are a maverick (and a wise one!) for wanting more.
Sorry you are going through this, OP. I agree with those who said to meet with a financial consultant before taking any action. I have an excellent financial advisor through my bank, and there is no charge for her services. Of course, such a consultant is not allowed to give any legal advice, but they can help you to better understand your financial situation. At least that would be a start.
Good luck to you.
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I guess my question would be how long have both of you been tolerating each other? From my calculations, she was 17 y.o. and you were 25 when you got together. Now she is 58 and still working and you are 65 and probably retired. Is it she is still active and you are not? It's a shame but don't stay together for the kids. They can come over and stay with you even in a 1 bedroom apt. They can always sleep on sofa beds if only for the week-end or week.
I think the best thing would be a separation and see how that goes.
With over three hundred million people in the US, spending life alone would be a choice, not a requirement. Also, courts deal with divorces every day. If you can't get along in your wife, what makes you think the two of you are going to divide 40 years of assets, in a "friendly" manner? Why not divorce? Stop being selfish. That's what courts are for, i.e. to make it easier on the both of you. Isn't that what you want? Or, are you trying to be unfair to her? If so, your going to lose, big time. If you don't give her what she deserves, as a wife of 40 years, your kids are going to hate you more than you could imagine. You would like to see your grandchildren someday, wouldn't you?
Why live the rest of your life (lives) in misery ad esp if you are in good health?? We now have 5 passages instead of four, and you are in your 4th one (like moi ) and not the final one which to me, can open up another WHOLE wonderful life! I would approach your wife about this, do what elina/zentropa suggested and then get your own lawyer. And, I would mosey on over to the retirement section here as this subject of divorcing later in life was brought up awhile back.
Think about the time and love that went into making you marriage last this long and hopefully you will realize what a serious situation this is. This isn't about dividing up belongings and deciding who gets what and moving on with your life. After so long a time it becomes about you being able to live away from the life you spent building for four decades with your wife.
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) and not the final one which to me, can open up another WHOLE wonderful life! I would approach your wife about this, do what elina/zentropa suggested and then get your own lawyer. And, I would mosey on over to the retirement section here as this subject of divorcing later in life was brought up awhile back. 
