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I'm not afraid of asking anything, I've already fallen flat so many times I don't have much dignity left to lose. But if I ask about boyfriend will she not reject me for being too forward?
And what does "probing for answers" mean? There is only so many questions I can come up with out of the blue...
If you feel she may be interested in you then no it isn't being too forward. You put yourself out there because it basically admits that you are interested. If you are talking with a girl for 10 minutes or more, I think this question is fairly reasonable.
Probing for questions, I mean you should just ask her the basics. Where do you work? How do you like it? If she answers with "its good". You can probably assume that either she isn't interested in you, or she isn't at all an interesting person.
You shouldn't be conversing like its an interview. There is no standard Question then Answer then Question flow with a conversation. If she isn't reciprocating and asking YOU questions, she isn't interested.
Before saturday I had not been out since october, because I was taking a break from trying to find someone, and saturday i only went out because i had nothing better to do, I'm not really comfortable with the whole night-club setting, so I don't really know how to behave, other than that I'm really self-conscious.
In spite of this I went out just about every weekend(sometimes twice) for over 18 months trying to "learn" how to handle myself in places like it, and how to conversate with people, but I just don't get it... what do I do about this?[/quote]
I kind of agree with this. You don't seem very gifted at striking up and maintaining interesting conversations with strangers in public places. If you do not genuinely enjoy meeting and engaging with new people, regardless of the prospect of booty, you will not be successful in this venue.
Chill out man. I agree with you about not having to fight the noise level and about how picking up girls outside of a club may be a better idea. But I wouldn't say that he's a self-conscious guy just because he can't distinguish whether a girl is hitting on him or not. He just doesn't know the signals is what I'm guessing.
Meeting girls outside of the clubs is a really good idea though. I've met girls working in coffee shops, restaurants, and studying in the library. It's kind of fun meeting girls while they work because if you catch them on their break, sometimes they stop and have coffee with you or something because they know they have to get back to work shortly.
Quote:
Originally Posted by howdydoody342
Before saturday I had not been out since october, because I was taking a break from trying to find someone, and saturday i only went out because i had nothing better to do, I'm not really comfortable with the whole night-club setting, so I don't really know how to behave, other than that I'm really self-conscious.
In spite of this I went out just about every weekend(sometimes twice) for over 18 months trying to "learn" how to handle myself in places like it, and how to conversate with people, but I just don't get it... what do I do about this?
i just reiterated what he said..
Well the nightclub setting is uncomfortable because it's a "social event" where you are "supposed to have fun" and it's where everyone seem to somehow connect whether it's with their best friend or girlfriend.
And every single sunday or monday when people meet it's always all about how cool this or that party was, I just feel like I'm sitting on the sidelines watching the game happen somewhere in front of me, not taking part of it. But when i do go to a nightclub i feel like I've entered the football-field, wearing an out of place soccer-attire.
Whenever I've been active in groups at the university etc I get the same thing as in the night-club, conversations running out or rejection. The only difference is I can at least do whatever the event is about without being awkward about that particular part, but the interaction with girls is as fruitless. it always ends up being plain talk about organizing this or that, but never gets any further. and if I ask them to do something like if they'd like to go bowling or for a movie, the answer is always "I have a boyfriend" or "your not asking me for a date are you?" etc.
So all i can do is fake a smile, say it was worth a try and keep on whatever I was doing...
im not gonna lie to you, i dont really do clubs and feel i wouldnt do well either in them more so cause i dont really like the atmosphere. I think the whole goal is to just go and have fun and if u meet someone so be it. I'd have a much more enjoyable time going with a group of people i knew
I did go with people I knew, but as fast as we got there we all split up to talk to different girls, I was sort of embarrased because I was the only guy out of 5 who didn't at least make out...
the two girls who were with us weren't single so...
OP, how old are you? Why did you take a break from "trying to find someone"? I'd agree that clubs are not the best venue as the music is very loud and people are on party/fun mindset.
I'd also agree that women like men who are confident. After talking with a girl/woman for say 10 minutes or so, asking for her number or letting her know that you'd like to continue the conversation on a date is not being forward at all.
I'd give you an example of a man too foward (for my taste anyways). This morning two guys came to my place to pick up some boxes I was sending home. One of them asked me right off the bat if I lived with my husband/boyfriend, I said no. Then he asks me if I like going out to nightclubs, I said no. Then after all the boxes were gone, as I am getting in my car, which happen to be parked behind his truck, he comes over and asks me for my number and tells me to just let him know a day I am available and that he would come and "fix my car." I have an old Toyota, so my poor car has been through at a lot and he noticed, lol. This guy was on a mission. Being hit on is flattering sometimes, but this guy just made me feel uncomfortable. Like a piece of meat, and I am vegetarian so just imagine As I was driving to work I was regreting telling him that I lived alone. I should have pulled out the "I have a boyfriend" card.
I did go with people I knew, but as fast as we got there we all split up to talk to different girls, I was sort of embarrased because I was the only guy out of 5 who didn't at least make out...
the two girls who were with us weren't single so...
Unless you're the club type, I would suggest staying away also. I know a few people that aren't comfortable in a club or bar setting. If it's loud you can't follow the conversation. If a song comes on, the girl may leave because "they're playing her and her girlfriend's song". Try going bowling, mini golf or whatever other activities are in your area. If you attend a church, see if they have any socials going on. You seem more like the low-key type of guy, which isn't a bad thing I agree with some of the other posters-the conversation has to go back and forth. If she gives an answer, try a follow up question. If she was asking the questions and you gave 1 word answers and never asked her anything, I can't blame her for walking away and not having interest. A girl may approach you because she's interested in what she sees. What she hears is what will keep her interested.
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As I was driving to work I was regreting telling him that I lived alone. I should have pulled out the "I have a boyfriend" card.
