"Independent Woman", is an euphemism for ... (calling, ugly, friends)
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I always like to think that I'll be the judge of what kind of person you are through your actions.
But of course!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chi-turtle
You can tell me how independent and smart you are all you want, but if you do stupid things and call me everyday wondering why I'm not calling you everyday then my opinion won't be anything close to what you proclaim yourself to be.
Actions speak louder than words.
The woman you are describing is not independent. She is emotionally [disturbed] immature and extremely dependent, and she demonstrates that by calling you everyday.
I've actually never come across any women that would self describe as independent, even though most of them are. I think there might be something to the OP's assertion that the word independent is used as an euphemism for something else. After all, how often do you hear smart people brag about their intelligence or really good looking people brag about their looks?
I would interpret such assertions as a sign of insecurity. I think what you're dealing with is an insecure woman, not an independent woman. An insecure person will be ultra sensitive to all perceived slights. So asking her for a glass of water to her mind probably means you're asking her for submission. Unfortunately some women are just that insecure, they need to be treated like a princess to feel good about themselves.
This reminds me of the "jerk" routine that some pick up artists use. The idea is any form of supplication diminishes your social value. So doing the opposite, acting like you don't need the other person, raises your social value and hence perceived attractiveness. This is the same logic that underlies dumb advice about how long to wait to call someone after you get their number so as to not seem desperate.
Well, that's exactly it. For everyone, man or woman, young or old.
There are some traits and qualities that are meant to be demonstrated and shown -- not bragged about, inflated or puffed up, however nice they sound as buzzwords, like "honesty", "independence", "confidence", "integrity" etc. that if bandied around and bragged about, would actually defeat the effect of what those qualities are meant to show to begin with.
Doing things with an ulterior motive, just to show off, play games with peers, or other kinds of hidden agendas, means you really do care and are not truly independent or whatever your choice of wording. Whenever you've bought into any kind of showing off with intent to deceive/brag for "social value" (yes, pretending and acting like "you don't care what others think" when you're doing it because you want to be seen as "the kind of person who looks like they don't care what others think", qualifies as is especially ironic) that means you're not a person with integrity.
Real people with independence/integrity really do not care what others think or buy into showing off/status games (even if this means missing out where they could have taken advantage of any kind of dishonesty, if so, but that's part of what makes authenticity hard, and not possible to fake in the first place!)
I've actually never come across any women that would self describe as independent, even though most of them are.
that's strange.
For me, I run into women all the time that describe themselves as "independent." They rarely are.
Women who are independent, do not seem to describe themselves as such.
it's similar to the women who say they "Don't want drama"... those are the ones who want drama. Or if they say they "Don't want sex," that means they've been around the block a few dozen times. Not only can you not take anyone's self-identification at face value, but it is often the polar opposite of what they really are.
Seriously, I'd rather be in the middle of a desert alone than next to the self-described "independent & strong willed woman". Nope, I'm not a total control guy expecting 3 meals per day and an ironed shirt with a smile every morning.
You don't know how to cook and iron?
Actually if you want a housewife, then "independent and strong willed" is just not for you. You know what you are looking for. That is a definite dating plus. Different strokes for different folks.
....... and the fact that "Independent Woman" is STILL a euphemism for "Employed Black woman". As they are the ONLY ones who EVER say "Im and independent woman".
I would call myself independent. I depend HEAVILY on my husband for my tender loving care. We are each others favorite laugh partner, lover, shoulder to cry one, fetcher of tea in sick times...
But it is still important to be fiscally independent or capable thereof. In the event that my husband kicks, I am able to pay bills, support myself and my kids, the whole shooting match. It is a great relief to know that while I will lose my love, and the grief will be horrid, I won't also lose my means of support.
For me, I run into women all the time that describe themselves as "independent." They rarely are.
Women who are independent, do not seem to describe themselves as such.
it's similar to the women who say they "Don't want drama"... those are the ones who want drama. Or if they say they "Don't want sex," that means they've been around the block a few dozen times. Not only can you not take anyone's self-identification at face value, but it is often the polar opposite of what they really are.
I have to say these comments intrigued me - do people really have that blind of an eye that they can't see who they are for who they are...for instance, the ones who say they hate drama are the drama queens, and the ones who say they are independent can't even support themselves? Maybe I haven't taken notice since I really take self-identifiers with a grain of salt, and believe in actions over words?
SMH!! What a cold arse society we've become if asking our partner to extend themselves in a simple act of grace, love and consideration---ok ---asking for a glass ofwater is compared to slave labor
I have never seen, and don't expect an apple tree to shout to the world "I am an apple tree!!!" The fruit that the tree bears makes it quite apparent. Why advertise "independence" as if a badge of honor? Uh, to whom?
Admittedly, and perhaps, thankfully I've been out of the dating arena for several years. That whole image of one partner leaning with back turned into the arms of the one who's supposed to always catch them is replaced with an eye to eye stare down, each partner with one foot inching towards that proverbial door....
I'm reading independence for some to mean, "I don't/won't trust cause I'm afraid of...getting hurt, being rejected, being left before I get the chance to get one up on you......"
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