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My husband is a long time smoker. He claimed that he needed to smoke due to job stress. I didn't like it before but now the situation is worse. Cigarettes are at an all time high cost & he spends $75 to $100 on them each week. He has been unemployed for over a year and that is almost 1/3 of his entire weekly unemployment check. He says that it is "hismoney" and he can do whatever he wants with it. Well, the money from my retirement pension is the money used to pay the mortgage, the utility bills, car insurance, etc. In addition I also work almost full time to pay for the day to day expenses of food, clothes, etc. I don't think of it as "my money" but our money. My husband has always considered money that I earned or received as gifts as "family money".
If he stopped smoking we could pay off one of our credit cards or use the money in many different ways. I also feel that it is inconsiderate of him to me as I am greatly bothered by second-hand smoke (eye & throat irritation, etc). This has gotten much worse over the years (probably because the smoke smell has settled in our furniture, car, carpet, etc.).
Smoking may be directly effecting his health. He was in the hospital twice with severe pneumonia.
It is upsetting to me that my husband has $4,000 to $5,000 just "going up in smoke" every year when we can't afford things like a comfortable bed (our mattress is 24 years old) or to fix the broken side mirror on the car, or to replace our damaged old carpet (also 24 years old), or pay off the dentist for my husbands extensive dental work or to go on a vacation to visit relatives. I might feel a little differently if he had a good job and that $4,000 -$5,000 a year was extra "fun money" not money needed for bills. But we are barely scaping by paying our bills.
He says that I am being unreasonable to ask him to quit. And I think that he is being unreasonable not to quit smoking.
I am at a loss what to do. Ideas? Suggestions? Thanks.
Your husband has a very strong addiction...sometimes it takes years untill one finally completely quits....he would probably like to...but it's easier said than done...
Your husband has a very strong addiction...sometimes it takes years untill one finally completely quits....he would probably like to...but it's easier said than done...
yes, though you definitely need to speak up regarding his disprespectiful attitude toward you. on the other hand, i'm wondering if he was the primary breadwinner for many years before becoming unemployed. did you consider his money "our money" when he had it?
Sorry, but he won't be able to quit until HE wants to quit. No amount of nagging or threats will do it. That amount of money seems rather high to me. Make him buy the cheapie generic ones -- they may be so nasty that he will want to quit!
Smoking cigarettes is no different than being a drug addict, except one is legal when the other is not. Leave it to our government to make that decision, lol.
In this case it is no different than spending money on cocaine. Would you be okay with that? I thought not. The only difference besides it being legal is the putrid smell.
I don't do either but from what I know I'm convinced cigarettes are worse.
Your husband is seriously addicted and it doesn't appear he wants help. I have no idea why you are staying in this situation.
I know I would not put up with being around them.
Inertia can be difficult to overcome. However, he has two motivators
which is his health, your health and your collective finances.
That should be motivation enough. Perhaps have a calm non-combative
heart-to-heart with him about all of this and place his health as the #1
issue for him to stop this with the others a secondary benefits.
Maybe you could sit down with him and go over your budget, making a strong case for how even half of the money he's spending on cigarettes could help the family.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,794,567 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Red On The Noodle
Sorry, but he won't be able to quit until HE wants to quit. No amount of nagging or threats will do it. That amount of money seems rather high to me. Make him buy the cheapie generic ones -- they may be so nasty that he will want to quit!
Or better yet the electronic ones. They run about $10 at the gas stations near Ft. Knox but you get a lot of puffs out of them.
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