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Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626
I'm the OP.
I talked with my husband and he said that he would really try to smoke less and would continue to work on ways to earn more money for the family.
As I said in an earlier post on this thread, I sort of over reacted this morning when I was trying to get the bills paid with those two cartons of hugely expensive cigarettes just "staring at me & mocking my efforts" JK to be careful with money.
DH does have some good traits, however, smoking is not one of them.
Glad to hear that the both of you are making compromises to resolve the issue. All the best!
My husband is a long time smoker. He claimed that he needed to smoke due to job stress. I didn't like it before but now the situation is worse. Cigarettes are at an all time high cost & he spends $75 to $100 on them each week. He has been unemployed for over a year and that is almost 1/3 of his entire weekly unemployment check. He says that it is "hismoney" and he can do whatever he wants with it. Well, the money from my retirement pension is the money used to pay the mortgage, the utility bills, car insurance, etc. In addition I also work almost full time to pay for the day to day expenses of food, clothes, etc. I don't think of it as "my money" but our money. My husband has always considered money that I earned or received as gifts as "family money".
If he stopped smoking we could pay off one of our credit cards or use the money in many different ways. I also feel that it is inconsiderate of him to me as I am greatly bothered by second-hand smoke (eye & throat irritation, etc). This has gotten much worse over the years (probably because the smoke smell has settled in our furniture, car, carpet, etc.).
Smoking may be directly effecting his health. He was in the hospital twice with severe pneumonia.
It is upsetting to me that my husband has $4,000 to $5,000 just "going up in smoke" every year when we can't afford things like a comfortable bed (our mattress is 24 years old) or to fix the broken side mirror on the car, or to replace our damaged old carpet (also 24 years old), or pay off the dentist for my husbands extensive dental work or to go on a vacation to visit relatives. I might feel a little differently if he had a good job and that $4,000 -$5,000 a year was extra "fun money" not money needed for bills. But we are barely scaping by paying our bills.
He says that I am being unreasonable to ask him to quit. And I think that he is being unreasonable not to quit smoking.
I am at a loss what to do. Ideas? Suggestions? Thanks.
Just to reiterate: From a Feng Shui perspective grime on the walls, draperies, carpets, fabrics is stagnant chi - it does negatively impact your life - from depression to toxins that are released into the environment - plus it is not aesthetically pleasing . . . you can expect to feel stuck, sluggish, ill . . . it is important to live in a clean environment for your emotional, spiritual, physical, and psychological health.
It is also important to have a new comfy bed, as you spend one third of your life in bed . . .it's not a frivolous expense.
I hope you will make some positive changes - and at least insist your hubby smoke outside.
Just to reiterate: From a Feng Shui perspective grime on the walls, draperies, carpets, fabrics is stagnant chi - it does negatively impact your life - from depression to toxins that are released into the environment - plus it is not aesthetically pleasing . . . you can expect to feel stuck, sluggish, ill . . . it is important to live in a clean environment for your emotional, spiritual, physical, and psychological health.
How about living in a house full of filthy and stinky pets and covered with hair all over?!
And yes, this IS the house of just about ANY animal owner, which is just about anybody in this country!
I'm the OP.
I talked with my husband and he said that he would really try to smoke less and would continue to work on ways to earn more money for the family.
As I said in an earlier post on this thread, I sort of over reacted this morning when I was trying to get the bills paid with those two cartons of hugely expensive cigarettes just "staring at me & mocking my efforts" JK to be careful with money.
DH does have some good traits, however, smoking is not one of them.
You might weigh the advantage of a couple of therapy sessions yourself to help deal with your anger. At least have an outlet who is neutral (unlike a hell of a lot of the responses here ) and who might suggest coping mechanisms.
And, during the time your husband is job searching, see if there are volunteer opportunities he might be interested in. He needs to have something to do, even if it isn't a paying job. Right now, my retired spouse is pondering an offer to volunteer at the hospital. His job would be to wheel patients to different parts of the hospital for tests or treatments. He'd be getting out of the house, exposed to diverse people, and have an opportunity to be useful.
Last, I don't know what form of therapy your husband is undergoing - my spouse was given a prescription of Wellbutrin (an anti-depressant) as a part of his effort to stop smoking. That, with nicotine patches and gum, got him past the worst part of the withdrawal. Having a stroke was an incentive as well , but he was able to quit smoking after having been a smoker for over 30 years.
To Mikala43.
I wasn't happy with my husband's smoking habit before but when our family income dropped $760 to $1,000 a month (the higher amount is if you count overtime pay) it became a bigger deal.
Perhaps, your family income can drop by $9,000 to $12,000 a year and it doesn't make a difference when you are trying to pay bills but it certainly made a huge difference at my house. So, while I'm pinching every penny, getting a second job (and looking for a third part-time job), trying to evade bill collectors, borrowing money from my relatives, etc. my husband buying a carton or two cartons of expensive cigarettes a week can greatly increase MY stress level.
I do appreciate the suggestions from various posters.
And, it has helped me calm down just to vent a little today.
I think you'll need to find a compromise, perhaps exploring ways for him to smoke less. However, expecting him to quit smoking entirely, especially now that he is depressed, unemployed and likely has a lot of time on his hands, is just not going to happen.
smoking is extremely hard to quit, anyone has had an addiction knows it is not just mental but physical withdrawals as well for a while. i quit cold turkey in 2005 and still to this day sometime i want a cigarette. he need to at the very least cut down, if he can't quit to save some money.
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) and who might suggest coping mechanisms.
, but he was able to quit smoking after having been a smoker for over 30 years.
