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That's what's killing me. I'm not exactly a spring chicken. I'm in my 30s. I mean, it's pretty obvious she doesn't care about me at all as even a friend.
I have no idea how I allowed this to happen. Anyway, onwards and upwards.
Well, I've been married since for almost 7 years - so that's why it hasn't happened in a long time. I don't think age always has something to do with this. I do this with jobs all the time. I convince myself that I'm going to get a phone call because my call back when so well - and then nothing... My imagination gets the better of me - and then I wake up to reality. Not fun.
OP, most of us have had this experience. Heck, I'm way too old to be playing those kinds of mind games on myself and yet ... I think I just did it again recently. Was he really that wonderful and worth all the heartache (and if he'd only realize how much he loves me, we could be happy again), or was that just what *I* wanted?
This is more of a contemplative rant than asking for advice.
So I wrote at least once before about a co-worker I fell for a while ago, Woman A. We spent a LOT of time together in a one on one setting pretty much out of the reach of society. Towards the end I really fell for her and went for it. She rejected me and I have for the most part stayed away from her. Every now and then when her facebook status updates come up, I check them out. But lately, I've cut all contact including that (unsubscribed ).
Anyway, this being an anonymous forum and all, I'll admit in my mind I still could not let her go. I imagined us being together. Every piece of my mind was conjuring up images that she felt the same about me at least in some little way. Even though she has never tried to contact me.
Anyway, today I broke down and checked her facebook page and it was a GREAT idea.
I discovered that she has been in close and frequent contact with others that we knew, and also got a good glimpse of what she has been up to in life. And I discovered that me being a prominent person in her life is SO FAR FROM REALITY it's not even funny. Even as a good friend. It's just not there.
This is upsetting to me because it's never really happened to me before. I have had crushes on girls in school many years ago that were not realistic, but they weren't strong and I never came close to acting on them.
I have been rejected before by female friends I really liked a lot ... but they have ended up dating close friends of mine and remained in my social circle. They even insisted on staying friends with me while I was reluctant.
Never have I been so far off about a woman and it sucks.
How can the mind allow us to wander so far from reality?
At least now hopefully I'll be able to delete this embarrassing chapter from my life.
I am so sorry you've gone through this. It sounds painful.
Someone suggested something earlier in the thread and I think it's a good lesson to learn from this and that is, unless the person of your affection has expressed their mutual feelings towards you, then any romantic feelings you think they have for you is just fantasy in your own mind and that's something you ought to keep in check in the future.
PS - Congratulations for cutting ties with her. that was the right thing to do. Now you have to stop thinking about her and checking her facebook. Maybe start dating other women would help.
Anyway, today I broke down and checked her facebook page and it was a GREAT idea.
I discovered that she has been in close and frequent contact with others that we knew, and also got a good glimpse of what she has been up to in life. And I discovered that me being a prominent person in her life is SO FAR FROM REALITY it's not even funny. Even as a good friend. It's just not there.
I'm sorry, but I don't understand how a glimpse at someone's facebook page is really THAT indicative of how their life really is.
If anything, I mean, facebook is about as far from reality as you think you are.
One day as we talked of moderately intimate things I told her about how I'd felt all those years ago -- and she admitted she'd known.
Then I found out that while the guy she'd married was away (they were apart for a bit over a year) they'd agreed to an open relationship -- and she'd taken advantage of that with more than just a couple of guys.
This took me by surprise, it really did. I'd never suspected; she was a professional, driven individual so I could both understand and respect her keeping it private. NOTHING wrong with that; but no one, to the best of my knowledge, had ever suspected any such thing. Mutual friends used to tell me what a great couple we'd have made, how they hoped we'd get together. I don't believe they'd have said that had anyone known the truth.
So I asked since she'd KNOWN how I felt, why hadn't she ever said anything, even if that thing was "no"?
And she said (I'll end up paraphrasing, but this pretty much IS it) "It felt GOOD knowing someone like you cared for me that way. It feels NICE knowing someone can love you, and I didn't want to lose that by telling you, so I just let it go."
It changed how I saw her. I'd seen her as someone who might not always tell me what I wanted to hear, but would never do anything which might HARM me. She was so typically blunt, straighforward about things, that this.... this HURT.
I really like this story and it does remind me of my situation.
In my mind, I was thinking sappy stuff like even though she's not attracted to me, I still care for her and want to remain in her life as a friend.
In reality, she was liberally dating other men (know this) and still chasing others AND putting several men above me on the platonic queue..
You don't know how many times I was tempted to call her and reveal what you did ... that I had feelings for her so strong, and that I would never forget about her even though I knew I couldn't have her.
My god, I'm glad I stopped myself from doing that.
I really like this story and it does remind me of my situation.
In my mind, I was thinking sappy stuff like even though she's not attracted to me, I still care for her and want to remain in her life as a friend.
In reality, she was liberally dating other men (know this) and still chasing others AND putting several men above me on the platonic queue..
You don't know how many times I was tempted to call her and reveal what you did ... that I had feelings for her so strong, and that I would never forget about her even though I knew I couldn't have her.
My god, I'm glad I stopped myself from doing that.
Just because someone doesn't feel the same about us doesn't devalue our own feelings. You put alot out there, and realized you were alone. I can imagine that we all can relate to that at some level at some time in our life..
I hope things get better for you. Good luck with everything.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93
We've all been there - or at least I have! It hasn't happened for a very long time - but it can happen with love interests or sometimes just with friends that you think you are important to than you actually are. Sometimes we see what see want to see.
I think this is very important because romance aside ... I valued her as a person above all else and a friend.
Knowing she didn't even share that sentiment was like a swift kick in the gut.
Ok. Done whining for now.
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