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I was called a racist, because I do not like/am not attracted to a specific kind of guy... I was like "you like who you like"
I know I am not a racist, I myself am like Baskin Robins, one flavor for each continent! but I am still baffled by this. What do ya'll think?
Your thoughts, opinions, stories please!!
If you are not attracted romantically to a specific race/ethnicity, I don't think it's racist. I don't think it's anything...
If you are reluctant to include somebody in your social circle/get close to them because of their race, then I do think it's racist, though I would not say it to your face. It seems some people subconsciously do this.
OK.......but why is it a factor? Aren't human beings human beings? The fact that you say that attraction is something programmed into us from various sources of stimulation tells me that negative (or positive) perceptions ARE a factor and that patterns of attraction are not innate or determined simply by biology. How would a person know to be or not to be attracted to someone because of their race if this were not true?
Does the reason why someone isn't attracted to someone of another race matter? Why does it? Like I said, who we're attracted to comes from various sources of stimulation. They could be positive or negative. Maybe some girl was watching Yo MTV Raps one day, and that Big Daddy Kane video did something to her, and something in her subconscious said, "Wow, black guys are hot." It's not a choice though. It's something we find out as we go out and start dating and living life. Who we are attracted to and choose to sleep with, which is what this whole thing boils down to, doesn't say anything about how you treat people, the friends you keep and how precious they are to you. Just because you have an awesome and deep friendship with someone of a different race, or respect everyone the way you want to be respected, doesn't mean you want to sleep with them.
People just recklessly throw around a term like racism actually degrades the meaning of the word.
I like a certain type of woman over another, this in no way shape or form makes me a racist.
If I added some other qualifers like, (insert race here) are just stupid people blah blah blah...... now.... that is heading down the road to ingnorantville.
It is offensive because there's something you have a certain idea about people from that particular race that makes them "undateable" in your opinion. For example, there is a stereotype that says all Black men are ____(insert what you like here) or that all Asian men are_______(same again) and if you base your opinion on that factor and rule out all the men from that particular race, then yes it's indeed very offensive(I wouldn't go to the extent of calling it racist though, I don't think that's racist).
Now don't tell me that you find "ALL" men from one particular race not your physical type. Even within one race, there are men who all look different, there are tall men, short men, fat men, thin men, fit men, hot men, etc etc so it can't be that you rule out all the men from a particular race purely based on their physical appearance. There's something beyond that, and it's the fact I just described in the above paragraph, the preconceived stereotypes about that particular race of men that denies you from including them in the potential dating pool.
I couldn't have said it any better. She doesn't think she has a racist bone in her body, but she does.
I don't think the term to use in this discussion is "racist" but we may want to consider using "racialized preferences".
Personally, I find it odd for anyone to say that they aren't attracted to -insert race-. No one group is a monolithic entity. Growing up, I had Latina friends but I told myself that I didn't find Latino men attractive; then I met a great Latino my final year of college and ended up developing strong feelings for him. When it comes to preferences, I don't think they come as naturally as we believe. I think they are developed over a lifetime of exposures, relations, and experiences. My family instilled a distrust of Latino men so that is why I was initially not attracted to Latino men.
Also, I reject the whole: "you can't help who you fall in love with". Of course you can. How many times have we read about some high powered lawyer tripping over a homeless meth head and falling instantly in love with him. Not likely to happen. What is more likely to happen is that she meets someone within her social circle or who could be part of her social circle and goes from there. We all have minimum standards and these standards hinder this open-minded mentality that goes with "you can't help who you fall in love with".
Physical attraction has nothing to do with racism. A person can be racist and want to sleep with all the minorities in the world, then go out and hang a minority from a tree. Just as well as a person can have 10 minority friends and not like to sleep with them because he or she isn't turned on.
Physical attraction has nothing to do with racism. A person can be racist and want to sleep with all the minorities in the world, then go out and hang a minority from a tree. Just as well as a person can have 10 minority friends and not like to sleep with them because he or she isn't turned on.
This is very true. One of my relatives (a Black woman) was chased out of her home state because she had an affair with a married White man. Of course, this White man was a senior leader in the local KKK and he was also a deputy sheriff.
I've concluded that the OP is subconsciously racist for the simple fact that her comment essentially eliminated an entire race of men immediately. She didn't state that she found the guy undateable because he was too short, or too dumb, or because he was balding (or some other characteristic she deems negative); she specifically stated that he's undateable because of his race. Personally, I know that when someone asks me about a certain female and whether or not I'd date her, her race doesn't even get mentioned and the focus is always on individual characteristics.
While you'd likely hear me say something like "she's not that good looking" or "she's pretty sexy" or "she's just too tall for me" or "she's a total bore" in response to someone asking me about my attraction to a certain female, you'd NEVER hear me say something like "well, you know i don't date ________women." Therefore, anyone who immediately mentions someones race when asked to state an opinion about a particular person as a potentional dating partner is, more likely than not, a racist (and may not even be aware of it) because they've clearly disqualified someone on race and virtually nothing else.
An alternative way of summarizing the conversation between the OP and her friend could go like this:
Friend: So, he's single now, are you interested?
OP: A black guy...really?? are you nuts? I'd never. NEXT!!
Friend: Not cool, not cool.
OP: What did I do wrong?
Last edited by midatlantic12; 03-22-2012 at 07:01 PM..
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I was like "you like who you like" 
