Why is he going out of his way to avoid me? (girls, love)
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i dated my ex for about 8 months before he broke up with me for reasons that I still don't know. and i didn't push the issue or demand reasons because i figured if he doesn't want to be with me, no amount of begging or tears would change his mind. So i accepted this breakup and moved on.
i stopped talking to him, i've never called, texted, emailed, IMed him, never commented on his fb statuses, etc. I cut off all contact which I felt was for the best. No point keeping in touch.
but he seems to be going out of his way to avoid me. he changed his IM screen name, whenever i sign onto fb chat he'll sign off immediately, etc.
I guess i just don't understand why he cares to avoid any chance of talking to me. I have never shown any signs of getting back in touch with him, i have no desire to do so.
to me, if he stopped caring (in either a good or bad way), then what i do shouldn't affect his actions at all, do you know what i mean?
i'm just so curious about this. we're both adults in our 20's. this avoidance behavior seems to be something i would have done in hs but not now.
Maybe he's an all or nothing at all type, and figures when it's over there's no point in maintaing contact. If you've truly accepted this breakup, don't give it a second thought, just get on with your life.
The question should be why are you still worried about him? If you truly broke up with him, then you need to move on as well, like he already has. It seems he has moved on and you have not..
Chloe, I don't think you've truly "moved on"
If you did, you would not care why he's avoiding you or signing off when you come online.
It is okay to admit that you are hurt. When someone breaks up with you , it is normal to feel hurt. The fact that your ex did not even give you a reason makes it likely that you did not get closure and that can be very painful.
Even though you claim it didn't hurt you, the fact that you are wondering why he's logging off, shows you are still attached to him.
If I were you, I'd take time out to really grieve this relationship. Your ex was a jerk for acting the way he did, but frankly, many guys (and girls), break up with people without giving reasons. Sometimes it's due to fear. Other times it's because they don't really have a good reason. Whatever it is, you will get over this and love again
Eh, I'd just stop watching to see what he does. Sounds like you were perfectly level-headed about the whole thing. The truth is, even if he is acting weird about it, it doesn't really matter why. The best thing you can do is live a fabulous life and be too busy to notice!
I've seen my share of people who attempt to get attention by adopting the opposite behavior signaling desire for attention. Your ex is probably anxious about commitment and the way he probably got help as a child was by acting like he hated his parents.
See: Reaction formation
I know Freud has been overturned in many areas but I think his theory is still very applicable in terms of diagnosing an already unhealthy psychology. I think your ex has a unhealthy psychology and is intentionally trying to be hurtful to you. You're dealing with an undeveloped psychology. Your ex needs some growing up to do and you can't help him, IMO.
My own approach to an ex friend like this was and still is to not seek contact with them. It's the only hope of fixing the behavior since the behavior thrives on you reaching out in any way to them. Don't be mean and don't talk badly about them but just go completely of his radar permanently. He may never call you and seek a different victim but you are better off. And have no doubt about it, he is trying to victimize you. A continued relationship with him will only be full of frustration for you. He most probably subconsciously enjoys doing this to people because it makes him feel he has power over something. By not seeking him out you are showing him you are smarter than his other victims and he will feel that on a semiconscious level.
Believe me, you don't need this guy. People with healthy pschologies express their feelings verbally and civilly to their friends.
Last edited by Shankapotomus; 05-16-2011 at 04:27 AM..
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