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Healthy relationships are not like that. I would NEVER throw something at my husband. I would NEVER attempt to hurt him in any way. And I would NEVER stay with someone who tried to hurt me in any way.
Let me guess, you still care about your husband? It kinda makes it easy, doesn't it? Imagine that you no longer care about the man and you want out. Since, presumably, you were not there (yet), you just don't know what you would do. Never say never.
Let me guess, you still care about your husband? It kinda makes it easy, doesn't it? Imagine that you no longer care about the man and you want out. Since, presumably, you were not there (yet), you just don't know what you would do. Never say never.
I think you are bitter and sad.....disillusioned....negative and resentful. you've been let down so many times. Hope you will find someone to help heal that. Broken heart Rememberme!
I think you are bitter and sad.....disillusioned....negative and resentful. you've been let down so many times. Hope you will find someone to help heal that. Broken heart Rememberme!
I think you shouldn't try to play a psychic. I'm realistic, understanding and forgiving, if I don't approve self-enhancing, escalating, rationalization circus of "abuse" you all whip yourself into "leaving and living it up", my realism doesn't make me bitter, sad, disillusioned, etc.
I don't even say you to stay. Just leave. In our age bracket time is running fast. What this rationalization is for? If you cared about the guy enough you'd find the ways to forgive and gradually adjust the situation to more of your liking, regardless of his quirks. That's when the feelings are fading the smallest dissatisfaction snowball into "abuse" (real and imaginary), real-life issues snowballing into perceived abuse means that at least one of the parties no longer care enough and conflict (and imagination) escalates. Abuse definitely is not a cause, it's an effect. Genuine abusive personality is not something you can hide for X years, and, not to sound cruel, if you a married a genuinely abusive guy, that's probably what you like anyway up to the point when your broken bones and survival instinct would override your mating preferences.
Let me guess, you still care about your husband? It kinda makes it easy, doesn't it? Imagine that you no longer care about the man and you want out. Since, presumably, you were not there (yet), you just don't know what you would do. Never say never.
I think it's sad that you seem to honestly believe that one woman is representative of all women. I would never try to physically harm anyone. I know you don't believe me - you don't really believe anything women say. And I understand - that as a victim of abuse yourself (and possibly an abuser, too - I don't know) - you are trying to rationalize the abuse and make it seem that it is just par for the course. It is not. I feel really bad for you and hope you find happiness one day.
Jenna, I don't understand your plan. Can you explain it again? You are leaving Tuesday, or will you be at home when he returns. I think you should NOT be at home. Too dangerous. You will knuckle under AGAIN if he cries & gives you the Sad Eyes treatment.
Jenna, I don't understand your plan. Can you explain it again? You are leaving Tuesday, or will you be at home when he returns. I think you should NOT be at home. Too dangerous. You will knuckle under AGAIN if he cries & gives you the Sad Eyes treatment.
He is currently at his parents - due back Wednesday. He works his last shift on Tuesday night.
Thought about going over there on Tuesday, telling him that its over and giving him his bags.
Would still have to look at those sad eyes though!
I honestly don't know if I can do it, in my mind I CAN....I see myself marching up to him - telling him straight "Its over, its dead....you need to find someone else, someone who can lOVE you. You have tried to change and I thank you for that, but its just never going work, I went past the point of no return November 2011."
In reality, I walk up to him, he looks soppy....I say "Its not working....." he looks so sad...like a wounded puppy about to cry. I say "well, I find it difficult to trust, after everything that has happened"
He again looks brokenhearted, tells me I am breaking his heart, that he cant live without me.....I tell him "I know, but I have to trust you....I just don't know..................
I think you shouldn't try to play a psychic. I'm realistic, understanding and forgiving, if I don't approve self-enhancing, escalating, rationalization circus of "abuse" you all whip yourself into "leaving and living it up", my realism doesn't make me bitter, sad, disillusioned, etc.
I don't even say you to stay. Just leave. In our age bracket time is running fast. What this rationalization is for? If you cared about the guy enough you'd find the ways to forgive and gradually adjust the situation to more of your liking, regardless of his quirks. That's when the feelings are fading the smallest dissatisfaction snowball into "abuse" (real and imaginary), real-life issues snowballing into perceived abuse means that at least one of the parties no longer care enough and conflict (and imagination) escalates. Abuse definitely is not a cause, it's an effect. Genuine abusive personality is not something you can hide for X years, and, not to sound cruel, if you a married a genuinely abusive guy, that's probably what you like anyway up to the point when your broken bones and survival instinct would override your mating preferences.
Its just the way you come across.
I did marry a genuinely abusive guy, who could be genuinely nice. When he was genuinely nice, he could charm the birds out of the trees, when he was NOT he would slap me, kick me, pull my hair, tell me to F....off, **** off, tell me he would dance on my F.......grave if I f......died. Then just as I was about to head off away...........he would change back. "I love you, I am sorry" and that happened, that cycle for 20 odd year.
So, I WAS forgiving, and forgiving and forgiving....until one day in November 2011 it went BHAM.
I tried to make it work.......I tried talking quietly, shouting, swearing back, reasoning, I tried everything.
The cycle just kept happening.
I did not enjoy being slapped, or kicked or punched. NO. I did not enjoy weeping and crying and watching as family parties, birthdays, holidays, family weddings - all were tainted by 'The Cycle'.
You say I would adjust to accommodate him? I did. I tried everything. Nothing worked.
Now, H has seemed to change but I have caught him being nasty to his daughter - would you say to your daughter (behind you wifes back) would you MOUTH actually not say (so your wife could not hear) "I don't like you" ? Would you do that? Does that inspire your daughter, does it lift her up?
Would you tell your D "You are not nice" and then deny it and say you said "You don't act nice sometimes".? Would you take the pi22 out of her and laugh at her with your son? Should I keep trying for another 20 years? Should I keep accommodating him? Is it me?
Round and around you go, I remember talking to you about this in '08. Instead of making promises of leaving that you can't keep, why not resolve yourself to the fact that you are just not strong enough. This is your life, the best you can do is hope that your children learn by your bad example.
You have my blessings as long as you do not have a replacement man lined up...Usually woman never leave a nest to go and settle into an empty nest. I have not lived with my wife of 27 years for at least 4 years now...I see her often - yesterday we ate and took a walk together...I love her and up until recently with menopause setting in we stopped being intimate. Thinking back was I an abusive prick- YEP...I expected to much out of her spiritually and intellectually and sexually...so now I expect nothing and we get along..Perhaps your husband needs some adjustments....sound like you love each other...In my situation - she lives a few blocks away...which is perfect- I get to be me- and she gets to be who she is...good luck...I hope you do not have children...if you do you had better do your time with this man...i did mine.
I think it's sad that you seem to honestly believe that one woman is representative of all women.
I've observed plenty women, relationships and marriages in my life, and women (especially "abused" as they claim) hitting the guys with all they've got is not as rare as you imagine it to be. I don't base my post on my single experience and "sadness". That's something that perplexes me, women having no mental brakes as far as application of their physical force, sharp and heavy objects go, it's just like they go mad, no restraints whatsoever.
Quote:
I know you don't believe me
How could you know that? I believe that in an extraordinary situation I would display the best human qualities, but I don't know that.
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you don't really believe anything women say.
It's presumptuous, I believe most of the things people say. For the rest, I do believe I can read the lips. In other words I believe women and men 100%, no matter what they say. Not to sound bombastic I wasn't wrong that many times
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And I understand - that as a victim of abuse yourself (and possibly an abuser, too - I don't know) - you are trying to rationalize the abuse and make it seem that it is just par for the course. It is not. I feel really bad for you and hope you find happiness one day.
I just don't accept loose definitions of abuse women fell in love with. In my opinion, abuse is an intentional, prolonged "action" of some sort sole purpose of which it to hurt somebody in some way. Humans being humans, as in angry, withdrawn, self-absorbed, demanding, manipulative, violent, indifferent etc., etc. doesn't constitute abuse even if it hurts you. If you, arguably the closest person to him/her, don't accept that as part of his "human nature", who will? What kind of sterilized relationships, men & women you all are after?
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