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What are some very effective methods to handle circular monologues/conversations?
I have a house-mate who has a pattern of making very circular "conversations" or more accurately monologues (since he does most of the talking) that includes repeating in excruciating detail about his chores, tasks, career plans, strange childhood memories that would make most people cringe, etc. This is one of his irritating modes of communicating.
I've actually started taking notes in a spiral notebook and have documented time, day, month, and year that he makes the comment. When he starts repeating I state "I have it down already". I've even pointed to it on my spiral notebook and stated "See, it's right here". This helps me but he is sneaky and finds out other topics to repeat himself about in excruciating detail.
I think there's only so much you can do with a long-winded storyteller. My brother is like that. He will talk for hours, and in mind-numbingly minute detail, about some issue at work or other. And whenever he says "Long story short,..." or "See, what you gotta understand is...", you're in for at least 30 more minutes of background and context.
Now, in my brother's case, I think it stems from his not feeling heard by other people. He's looking to keep his audience as long as possible, since it's the only time he has anyone paying him attention by choice. Maybe your long-talker feels the same? (I'm spitballing here, so YMMV.)
It could also be neurological. Some people with Asperger's will speak in hyper-detailed monologues. They can't read the social cues that you're bored with the conversation, so they assume you're interested in that much information. Is that a possibility?
I had a friend who had a tendency while telling an anecdote (say, something happened at work), to branch out on some detail into describing that detail way more than needed.
After a few weeks of this, I found that if I overcome my reluctance to interrupt her, I could pull her back to the story easily and quickly.
IE: She starts telling me an interesting thing about a new work assignment, that branches to something that client said and starts getting into details about what that client said that are of zero interest to me and not related to the original story. I interrupt her with "oh, but what about that new assignment?". And she snaps back and continues the original story.
It seems that as she tells the story, she doesn't have 'focus' and is simultaneously thinking of a lot of side details about that story and doesn't even notice it when she wanders down one of those side details. When I interrupt her, she is still not focused, and jumps back to the original story without consciously noticing my interruption, much less being upset.
Those are smart excuses for the person's rude behaviors. The post is about effective methods.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RockJock1729
I think there's only so much you can do with a long-winded storyteller. My brother is like that. He will talk for hours, and in mind-numbingly minute detail, about some issue at work or other. And whenever he says "Long story short,..." or "See, what you gotta understand is...", you're in for at least 30 more minutes of background and context.
Now, in my brother's case, I think it stems from his not feeling heard by other people. He's looking to keep his audience as long as possible, since it's the only time he has anyone paying him attention by choice. Maybe your long-talker feels the same? (I'm spitballing here, so YMMV.)
It could also be neurological. Some people with Asperger's will speak in hyper-detailed monologues. They can't read the social cues that you're bored with the conversation, so they assume you're interested in that much information. Is that a possibility?
I had a friend who had a tendency while telling an anecdote (say, something happened at work), to branch out on some detail into describing that detail way more than needed.
After a few weeks of this, I found that if I overcome my reluctance to interrupt her, I could pull her back to the story easily and quickly.
IE: She starts telling me an interesting thing about a new work assignment, that branches to something that client said and starts getting into details about what that client said that are of zero interest to me and not related to the original story. I interrupt her with "oh, but what about that new assignment?". And she snaps back and continues the original story.
It seems that as she tells the story, she doesn't have 'focus' and is simultaneously thinking of a lot of side details about that story and doesn't even notice it when she wanders down one of those side details. When I interrupt her, she is still not focused, and jumps back to the original story without consciously noticing my interruption, much less being upset.
Wow, I do notice this quite often in people. It's like they are "spiraling" and cannot stay on topic. I wonder what condition this might be. It's almost as if they are too impatient to finish one thought before jumping ahead into the next one.
What are some very effective methods to handle circular monologues/conversations?
I have a house-mate who has a pattern of making very circular "conversations" or more accurately monologues (since he does most of the talking) that includes repeating in excruciating detail about his chores, tasks, career plans, strange childhood memories that would make most people cringe, etc. This is one of his irritating modes of communicating.
I've actually started taking notes in a spiral notebook and have documented time, day, month, and year that he makes the comment. When he starts repeating I state "I have it down already". I've even pointed to it on my spiral notebook and stated "See, it's right here". This helps me but he is sneaky and finds out other topics to repeat himself about in excruciating detail.
Ha! That's funny.
Yes. I would get up from my seat and walk to another room and close the door.
What are some very effective methods to handle circular monologues/conversations?
I have a house-mate who has a pattern of making very circular "conversations" or more accurately monologues (since he does most of the talking) that includes repeating in excruciating detail about his chores, tasks, career plans, strange childhood memories that would make most people cringe, etc. This is one of his irritating modes of communicating.
I've actually started taking notes in a spiral notebook and have documented time, day, month, and year that he makes the comment. When he starts repeating I state "I have it down already". I've even pointed to it on my spiral notebook and stated "See, it's right here". This helps me but he is sneaky and finds out other topics to repeat himself about in excruciating detail.
You're talking about your housemate, who has been the topic of about 3 of your threads, yet here you are giving excrutiating details about your notebook. Was there a need to include twice that it's a spiral notebook?
After reading your threads, I'm starting to wonder if it's actually the housemate who has issues.
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How about get up and walk to another room?
