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I am pleased to read that you have your integrity and are wanting to respect her and yourself by remaining in seperate homes. Make certain her desire to live with you is NOT to take advantage of you financially.
It's not easy living alone, but very rewarding. I would never take advantage of someone.
Can you say 100% that you want to marry her? If so, that would fix this issue.
But it sounds like she is confused with regards to her love for you and her ideas about respect and full access.
To me, this is not an issue about "traditional values", it's her independence that I'm questioning. If you were to compromise and move in with her, it can't be because she's desperate and has nowhere else to go, it has to be because you are both ready for that step.
Even though I don't condone "shacking up," I do agree with what you just said!
Thank you all for the unbiased insight to my situation. I think I'll end up ok in the long run.... going to wait until she is done with graduation later this month before I do anything though. I dont wish any ill well on her, we just turned out to not be compatible for the long run....I think....
Thanks again.
She is manipulating you-or trying. You are her meal ticket and she doesn't want to lose you.
You have:
-College degree
-Good job
-Good housing
-Stability and security
She has:
-Crappy job
-Housing issues
-Tantrum like behavior-pure manipulation.
-Places your relationship in competition with her old ones-and is convinced her interpretation is the correct one.
-Wants to change your belief system.
Let me guess: The more you resist the nuttier she gets?
She is manipulating you-or trying. You are her meal ticket and she doesn't want to lose you.
You have:
-College degree
-Good job
-Good housing
-Stability and security
She has:
-Crappy job
-Housing issues
-Tantrum like behavior-pure manipulation.
-Places your relationship in competition with her old ones-and is convinced her interpretation is the correct one.
-Wants to change your belief system.
Let me guess: The more you resist the nuttier she gets?
Next up: Pregnancy, real or imagined.
After reading that, the move "Being john malkovich" comes to mind. YES to everything! I am seriously getting very disheveled the longer this goes on.
After My first post to gain some insight on my situation, I still only wanted to make things work. So I took the advice (from what few they were, and for good reason I see now) mostly from those that were letting me know that holding true to my values and my mind set and to just let her know that will not change worked....for a little bit......
She is graduating from the university later this week, and as a person and friend I am genuinely happy for her. It has been a long road for her. But the dark side of this she has just been fired from her job......this is the 4th job in a row she has been let go from since we have been together.....
I guess the next thing is to figure out how to do the break up....Not fishing for any cookie cutter generic way of ding it But, I just really wish the best for her and what she wants and Im sad that I dont see a future like we had hopped with her. Its weird but, a part of me is a little concerned of what she might do?... To herself..... Last time we went on a "break" she said that she didnt eat for 10 days....
I guess the next thing is to figure out how to do the break up....Not fishing for any cookie cutter generic way of ding it But, I just really wish the best for her and what she wants and Im sad that I dont see a future like we had hopped with her. Its weird but, a part of me is a little concerned of what she might do?... To herself..... Last time we went on a "break" she said that she didnt eat for 10 days....
Hunger strike=more manipulation. You cannot control what they do. You can control how you respond to it.
Fired from her fourth job? Terrible work ethic. I'm sure her version is she was treated "unfairly" blah, blah, blah. More drama.
Employers see the real her in her work life and fired her....now apply that theory to your relationship...
You are getting disheveled? You are letting her control you by letting your relationship status and her behavior affect your appearance.
You can be happy for her graduation and still move on.
What are the current living arrangements? If she's still at your mom's, it'll be tougher. But ... simply tell her the truth -- that it's become obvious that you two aren't a good fit and you both need to move on. She'll cry & threaten & make a scene, but just stay strong. Be calm and firm and resolute. Tell her you really want the best for her, you're proud of her for graduating, you're sad, but you don't see a future. Then say goodbye. That's all you can do. Her reaction is her responsibility alone.
Last edited by RiderGirl; 05-01-2012 at 04:43 PM..
Wow.... Looking back on this post, so many emotions come to mind in a wave of experiences, trials, testes, and above all growth for both me and my now wife. Thanks everyone for the advice.
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