Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,031,227 times
Reputation: 9418
Advertisements
My guy is a looker. That is, he likes to look. Not that he's so great looking. LOL He says he just likes to look at beautiful people. He even comments on great looking men and he's 100% hetero.
He's also a huge flirt who does so by trying to make everyone laugh. He even flirts with the women in the assisted living homes. LOL I almost never say anything when he does look. Except. Yes, I have this... problem. All I want to know is does, he have the right to know the truth? Not looking for rudeness or personal attacks and if you don't read the whole post, please don't reply. If it starts becoming too personal, mods, please close it. This is a very sensitive topic for me.
Long story as short as possible...
The only time I get upset at his looking is when he's looking at girls who look 16, 17, because most of them are even younger than they appear, esp these days.
We got into a horrendous fight (that's a huge understatement but in the interest of long story short...) and it's lasted over a month. I flipped on him for checking out this girl who looked 16, max. I tried not to say anything but inside I was raging and ended up blowing up over it. Wrong way to handle it, I know. I get it. But I always rage inside like that when I see an old(er) man check out girls that young and I attribute it to an old(er) man raping me as a teen. When I see these old farts looking at these children as more than the children they are, I feel an almost uncontrollable rage.
I let my guy think I was angry because I'm jealous as I don't want him thinking I think he's a pervert. I know he's not. He just appreciates beautiful women. His looking at 20-somethings to our age and even older doesn't phase me. But he seems to have no ability to tell ages in males or females.
I was told by someone close to me I was wrong for not telling him why I became so angry. He already knows I was raped at a young age but he doesn't know about my (over?) protectiveness of teens.
We nearly broke up yesterday over it because he said he can't get over what I said to him about him checking her out. I said, I can't compete with that when I was really thinking it turns my stomach to see someone as old as you look at a child's ass like that.
We're back on track--but treading lightly, do I go to him with the truth or let it go?
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,031,227 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth
Say the truth. He's going to call you crazy just by virtue of being female anyway so might as well express your true feelings.
He doesn't call me names or put me down verbally. Ever.
One concern I had about the truth was baggage. I've come out very strong in spite of what happened to me but I've always harbored this resentment of old men and teens.
Tell him the truth. He deserves to know that your rages are not because of his behavior, they're because of a personal issue that has nothing to do with him. You seem to care for him very much and think highly of him except for this one thing. It would be better to be open with him rather than risk driving him away because he thinks you're too jealous and possessive.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,031,227 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bayarea4
Tell him the truth. He deserves to know that your rages are not because of his behavior, they're because of a personal issue that has nothing to do with him. You seem to care for him very much and think highly of him except for this one thing. It would be better to be open with him rather than risk driving him away because he thinks you're too jealous and possessive.
Good points. And yes, I do think very highly of him.
Last edited by Whyte Byrd; 05-07-2012 at 01:42 AM..
Whytebird, I am sorry you were tortured as a teen *huge hugs from here*I also cannot abide old(er) men looking too long at very young lasses . Maybe he doesn't"t realise their ages but often people are insensitive to others feelings, just because something never happened to them, they think it's an exaggeration or you are female so must be a drama queen.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,031,227 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gudra
Whytebird, I am sorry you were tortured as a teen *huge hugs from here*I also cannot abide old(er) men looking too long at very young lasses . Maybe he doesn't"t realise their ages but often people are insensitive to others feelings, just because it never happened to them.
Thank you. I want to say I'm repulsed when I see it but repulsed isn't a strong enough word.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,031,227 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by burgler09
I'm sure if he knew he'd try to not be obvious around certain age groups. The guy doesn't sound bad at all.
He's a gem of a man. He has his faults like all of us, but he's wonderful. He thinks I'm trying to change him to stop looking. Not even remotely true. Just be more aware of whom he's looking at--their ages. I realize he can't go ask to see to see their i.d. first. LOL But there's got to be some common sense approach.
Or hell, maybe I'm the one who needs to do something. After all, it's my raging feelings that nearly broke us up. I say that because I would not have broke up with him over looking. But he nearly broke up with me over my reaction.
He's a gem of a man. He has his faults like all of us, but he's wonderful. He thinks I'm trying to change him to stop looking. Not even remotely true. Just be more aware of whom he's looking at--their ages. I realize he can't go ask to see to see their i.d. first. LOL But there's got to be some common sense approach.
Or hell, maybe I'm the one who needs to do something. After all, it's my raging feelings that nearly broke us up. I say that because I would not have broke up with him over looking. But he nearly broke up with me over my reaction.
Which is why I said to simply tell him. Don't sweat it, I'm sure he'll get over it. Most guys get over it quickly unless they're in the closet or they're gonna break up with you.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
