Does he have a right to know? (wife, girl, single)

[Chowhound]

I think you should tell him, calmly and not attacking him, that you don't care for the looking at the young girls.

My company did work a few yrs back at a high school. All of the contractors on site were told to not look at the girls and keep to themselves. One clown was caught chatting with one of the girls and he was kicked of off the site.

Some of those girls dressed way too provocatively and were "developed" if you know what I mean. But, at the end of the day, you look at their faces and they looked young.

You could tell.

So, unless he's a moron, he shouldn't be spending too much time gazing at them.

[Mr. Opinionated]

You tactfully owe him the truth, the same as you want that repect from him. He's not conscientiously doing something to hurt you out of malice. Maybe kinda pervy, but Im not detecting evil intent here. So dont hide things from him. That can in turn, do much more damage than his immature preoccupation.

[Caltovegas]

He's looking because he wants to. That's the bottom line... Then in the bigger picture just looking at young girls can turn something innocent to something major. All it takes is for one person to say something and he's probably cocky or dumb enough to say 'yea I was looking" and then it starts.

Something you have to consider is can you you live with him as a husband doing what he is doing? I look at things this way. Ask a person to take their hand and put it in fire. Most people won't do it because the pain of the action is too great. If you tell him it bothers you and he still does it then what is he saying?

I'm not suggesting you leave him but if the relationship is a long term consideration it's best to deal with things such as this in the beginning or it's just killing time until the breakup or divorce.. Time is something we can't get back..

[Yzette]

Originally Posted by Mr. Opinionated

You tactfully owe him the truth, the same as you want that repect from him. He's not conscientiously doing something to hurt you out of malice. Maybe kinda pervy, but Im not detecting evil intent here. So dont hide things from him. That can in turn, do much more damage than his immature preoccupation.

I do think some men don't realize how young "young" is, especially nowadays, with the way 16-year-olds dress.

So there is a distinct possibility that he'd actually be mortified to learn how old some of the girls he's looking at really are.

[LS Jaun]

Originally Posted by Whyte Byrd

Thank you. I want to say I'm repulsed when I see it but repulsed isn't a strong enough word.

Maybe "disgusted." fits the situation. I was dating a woman who was Bi when I was about 20. She started checking out and commenting on a young girl who lived next door. I don't think Ive ever heard a man talking like that about an obviously under age girl before, but coming out of a womans mouth was even more disconcerting. She was a Perv in my mind and I was thoroughly disgusted. Relationship ended soon after that.

If he's seeing you, he doesn't act on the attraction, so that is good. Has he had any really young girlfriends before?

Originally Posted by Yzette

I do think some men don't realize how young "young" is, especially nowadays, with the way 16-year-olds dress.

So there is a distinct possibility that he'd actually be mortified to learn how old some of the girls he's looking at really are.

If he consistantly does this he knows how old they are.

[Goodpasture]

The problem is with you. You don't like it when he does something he doesn't know will up set you off. If you don't like it tell him or keep quiet about everything.

When you talk about "too young" you are talking about young women at a transition age. Too young is a preteen looking woman that is relatively flat and still has the look of a girl. This, I agree, is too young. But when a young woman of that same age is full figured and dresses to enhance their shape and their appearance is obviously intended to attract the attention of men, then I don't see how you can hold it against him when he looks. The fact that something happened to you at that age is not on his radar. He isn't considering your situation as he isn't aware that you have unresolved issues.

Rather than bust his ass over something that he is doing that is second nature for him to do, how about you getting some counseling to help you deal with YOUR situation, YOUR anger, and YOUR history? Expecting him to read your mind will end up with you being alone. Tell him now and let him help you work through it. He deserves more from you than he is getting.

[darrensmooth]

Originally Posted by Yzette

I do think some men don't realize how young "young" is, especially nowadays, with the way 16-year-olds dress.

So there is a distinct possibility that he'd actually be mortified to learn how old some of the girls he's looking at really are.

I get what you saying, but at the same time, how is it possible when neither of them know the ages of these girls without confirmation, that they are 16? How is it that he cannot seem to tell (let's hope) but she can? What if the girl is actually 18? (not much better I know)

Either way, she needs to definitely come clean about how she feels, if you hold yourself back even though its killing you so much because of the behavior a spouse is exhibiting, big time resentment will ensue. If the guy is reasonable, he will understand (if it were me I would apologize actually for being thoughtless if he knows about her past)

[rogead]

I think there are a couple of different issues involved here. The first relates to his looking at assumably adolescent girls, and the second is how it makes you feel in light of your personal experiences.

Speaking as an older man, I can't imagine not noticing an attractive young woman...even if she seems to be below the "legal" age. I would never pursue someone that age, nor would I interact with her in a manner that might make her feel embarrassed or frightened.

But, puberty brings changes to the body (girls and boys) which nature has intended to be noticed. There is nothing wrong with him recognizing that fact. However, if your guy is staring in a way that makes you, or these girls, feel uncomfortable; he is acting in a rude and disrespectful manner.

You seem to have a good relationship with him. I think you need to be respectful enough of him to tell him why this behavior is so hurtful to you. He wont stop noticing these girls; but, if he truly cares about your feelings, he won't be obvious about in your presence.

[K-Luv]

Originally Posted by Whyte Byrd

He's a gem of a man. He has his faults like all of us, but he's wonderful. He thinks I'm trying to change him to stop looking. Not even remotely true. Just be more aware of whom he's looking at--their ages. I realize he can't go ask to see to see their i.d. first. LOL But there's got to be some common sense approach.

Or hell, maybe I'm the one who needs to do something. After all, it's my raging feelings that nearly broke us up. I say that because I would not have broke up with him over looking. But he nearly broke up with me over my reaction.

Not to sound rude, but sometimes we do not see the obvious even if we typed it from our own fingers. If he is a gem of a man, and you are not trying to change him, NOT telling him runs the risk of losing him.

[halfabuck]

A man with any class will not let his significant other see him looking at any women. If he does and there's a chance you will notice, then he need not look. Simple. He does it out of respect for you.