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What if shes not willing to talk, try, or seek counseling ?? My hands are tied ! And i hate to say it but i dont know if its worth basically starting all over in life , at least now weather im happy or not i can keep her happy . Rather than starting over from scratch with a vindictive ex-wife in the mix !!
Pot was just once and i said no i cant do this im not 17 anymore! And we havent done anything physical in fact i've avoided meeting in person since , but i've tried everything with wife and she just gets mean and refuses counseling, or Dr ! Im at my wits end ? I do more around the house than she does , she works 30hrs a week and is totally consumed by our child ? Shes a great mom but when we had our daughter i didnt know i was totally trading my wife for a nagging , self absorbed room mate ! This sounds harsh but its true . I am constantly running , mowing , laundry, home, car maint.. I work 3rd shift sleep 5 hrs a day and cut into that to vent/chat with my friend in the mornings when i have house to myself !
You have to decide what is it worth for peace of mind. Myself, I find that priceless but you may think otherwise.
The constant nagging and her being "mean" is something I could not deal with. Good luck to you.
This isn't about your friend, this is about you. You are focused on having what YOU want no matter how others are affected.
That's cool, if that is who you are. So it is time to OWN IT. Tell your wife what is going on, confess your weakness, then pack your bags and get out of her life. Do it now before your child gets old enough to remember what it was like when "bio dad" was around. Make sure you pay your child support on schedule and do not get in the way when your wife finds a better man to be her partner and a father for her child.
Pot was just once and i said no i cant do this im not 17 anymore! And we havent done anything physical in fact i've avoided meeting in person since , but i've tried everything with wife and she just gets mean and refuses counseling, or Dr ! Im at my wits end ? I do more around the house than she does , she works 30hrs a week and is totally consumed by our child ? Shes a great mom but when we had our daughter i didnt know i was totally trading my wife for a nagging , self absorbed room mate ! This sounds harsh but its true . I am constantly running , mowing , laundry, home, car maint.. I work 3rd shift sleep 5 hrs a day and cut into that to vent/chat with my friend in the mornings when i have house to myself !
Location: where people are either too stupid to leave or too stuck to move
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Oh yes sure cheat on your wife and ruin your family. If its worth loosing it all and hurting your kid,so you can feel 20 again, I say go for it.
At least be nice and divorce her first.
Pot was just once and i said no i cant do this im not 17 anymore! And we havent done anything physical in fact i've avoided meeting in person since , but i've tried everything with wife and she just gets mean and refuses counseling, or Dr ! Im at my wits end ? I do more around the house than she does , she works 30hrs a week and is totally consumed by our child ? Shes a great mom but when we had our daughter i didnt know i was totally trading my wife for a nagging , self absorbed room mate ! This sounds harsh but its true . I am constantly running , mowing , laundry, home, car maint.. I work 3rd shift sleep 5 hrs a day and cut into that to vent/chat with my friend in the mornings when i have house to myself !
The question marks were the giveaway for me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Just4fun31
Need some opinions , wife is 6months pregnant and we are excited about the baby but is was unexpected and not really in our plans ? We have been married 6 yrs together 10 . Im a biker meaning my recreation of choice is riding my harley, we have always rode , partied, went to local biker gatherings and poker runs . No clubs or anything but ur getting the pic. Now she has changed , she gets mad if i ride anywhere except work , she doesnt want me riding with my buddies ( all married) i was informed im not allowed at biker events without her (she's made it clear she is done with them too) cant be in a bar even if its only for a poker run event , and has mentioned i should just sell my bike !!! I have rode a harley since i was 17 ? Whats going on ??? Im very helpfull and our home, and anything she needs , even spending time with her always comes 1st bike is 2nd so dont get wrong imperssion this is a couple saturdays a month kinda thing !!! What's everyones take on this ??
Ok. Been married 6 yrs , 2 yr old daughter. Im 32 wife is 29 , we've always had to work at our marriage but since baby things got bad for me at least . Wife seems content even though she has ran all her friends off, and never wants to go do anything unless its a day at the mall or a rare movie ? In 2011 we had sex 9 times half of which were so quick and dull it was a waist of time!! Despite my talkes and visible frustration on these issue's she wont change, im very bored and feel old all the time !! I have had a best friend since middle school that since my wife became this way had to go secret due to her rants suddenly about a opposite sex friendship . Friend is married also and her marriage for othe reasons could be better . We usually talk or text to vent or just catch up, awhile back she said to meet her she had a suprise . We met and spent a few hours together she got ahold of a joint !! Against my better judgement we smoked i felt like a teenager again !!! A week later she tells me she wishes we had better timing and that we should have been together yrs ago , i sorta agreed there may have been some attraction over the yrs , she says we should be fwb and if our marriages ever end on their own we will give it a shot and if they dont we will just have whats lacking and still be friends ?? Give me some feed back please !! I dont want ur oppinions on if its morally right or not i just want to know if this could work or not ??
I'm just going to tell you that my husband and I were in a similar position with regard to sex the first few years after my son was born. The major problem was that I was resentful of all the ways my life had changed and his hadn't. I didn't realize this at the time. At the time, I justified it as being "too tired." I really thought that was the problem. I justified it by explaining that I'd rather spend that 30 minutes sleeping than messing around. Keep in mind, that I am a sleep paranoid person. If I get less than 7 hours of sleep, I start to panic. Babies are very hard for me, obviously. Anyway, we probably had sex once a month for 2 or 3 years. My husband didn't complain often. Once in awhile we'd have a big fight over it but it was so rare I fluffed it off as inconsequential. My husband never made a big deal over most of the time so it couldn't be so bad. I figured his little tantrums were him just being a baby at that moment in time for not getting what he wanted rather than a chronic problem.
Anyway, I began to become more interested in it later on naturally and frequency improved. He seemed happier and our marriage seemed more affectionate overall. Once I noticed this change, I asked him about his ideal frequency. He told me. Then I thought about all the reasons I would reject him and how to fix them. I first noticed that he would initiate at bed time and by that time I really wasn't in the mood. I had sleep on the brain. So I began to initiate right after the kids went to bed. This totally changed our routine and achieved his desired frequency. Turns out, when the timing is not intrusive on my sleep, I want it!!
Now, even when it is intrusive, I recognize that my husband's feelings matter more than my sleep. After reading men, like yourself, talk about their feelings of sadness, loneliness and desperation, I have decided that 30 minutes of lost sleep is worth making my amazing husband feel good about himself while also strengthening our marriage.
My point is that your wife can change, BUT you have to be willing to MAKE her understand how important this is. Having a fight once a week about this topic is not going to make her understand. You need to sit down when things are calm and talk and talk and talk about it. She needs to know. Women can be dense about sex because it's not the same for us. We like it but we heat up slower and the less we have it the less we want it. Women talk about men being clueless, but a lot of us are extremely dense on this topic.
Now get rid of the friend. She's an intruder and isn't going to help you focus on fixing things. She's a total distraction and you can't be friends with her anymore because your mind is already out of friendzone.
What if shes not willing to talk, try, or seek counseling ?? My hands are tied ! And i hate to say it but i dont know if its worth basically starting all over in life , at least now weather im happy or not i can keep her happy . Rather than starting over from scratch with a vindictive ex-wife in the mix !!
If that's true, then ask for a divorce. She'd be one heck of a lot more vindictive if she finds out you've cheated on her, versus asking for a divorce given how things are now, where if she's at all honest with herself, she bears a lot of the responsibility for driving you away. Anyway, you're young enough to start over easily - it's much harder when you're in your mid-40's, say, and you get to the point of being unable to live in a failed relationship any longer.
Her current behavior is passive-aggressive, I think, and I truly doubt things will ever improve as she's avoiding talking and counselling. Besides, YOU are not responsible for her happiness. Everyone is responsible for their own, and when you are BOTH working towards the common good and mutual happiness, only then can you affect another's happiness.
Ok. Been married 6 yrs , 2 yr old daughter. Im 32 wife is 29 , we've always had to work at our marriage but since baby things got bad for me at least . Wife seems content even though she has ran all her friends off, and never wants to go do anything unless its a day at the mall or a rare movie ? In 2011 we had sex 9 times half of which were so quick and dull it was a waist of time!! Despite my talkes and visible frustration on these issue's she wont change, im very bored and feel old all the time !! I have had a best friend since middle school that since my wife became this way had to go secret due to her rants suddenly about a opposite sex friendship . Friend is married also and her marriage for othe reasons could be better . We usually talk or text to vent or just catch up, awhile back she said to meet her she had a suprise . We met and spent a few hours together she got ahold of a joint !! Against my better judgement we smoked i felt like a teenager again !!! A week later she tells me she wishes we had better timing and that we should have been together yrs ago , i sorta agreed there may have been some attraction over the yrs , she says we should be fwb and if our marriages ever end on their own we will give it a shot and if they dont we will just have whats lacking and still be friends ?? Give me some feed back please !! I dont want ur oppinions on if its morally right or not i just want to know if this could work or not ??
Sounds to me like you really want a co-signer for your bull sh t. Ok, I'll bite. Forget trying to work things out with wife, because it's "difficult". Instead, go get your new "pink ferrari". I'll co-sign it like I said. Try it out for a few months. When your wife finds out as well as your new "ferrari's" husband, let us know how all that works out. You think you have problems now, give this a try and see what happens. Soon, you won't be needing a cosigner for any "ferrari, but instead you'll be "riding" a Ford escort"..
Good luck with all that..
I swear some days, I think the "relationship" forum has become the new "Springer show"...
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