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Recently a close friend has expressed that she has more than friendly feelings for me. While she is an amazing person, and I would be devastated to lose her as a friend, I am just not attracted to her in a romantic way. She's like a sister to me. I've been avoiding her all week because I am afraid that when I tell her I can't reciprocate that's going to be the end of a really awesome 12 year friendship I'm just wondering if anyone else has been through something similar, and how did you handle it? Thanks!
"I value my friendship with you as one of the most important relationships in my life, but I just don't have romantic feelings for you. I really want to keep our friendship intact as it is, but I'm going to let you set the pace with regard to what your comfortable with." Or something like that. Maybe don't say the second part, but that's what you'll have to DO after you say the first part. She's could just let it roll off; she could be hurt; she could be angry; she could need space; she could need your usual closeness. I think the key is to guard against behaving differently towards her - neither more distant nor more friendly.
I would keep it simple and save her any sort of embarrassment as much as possible. Say something like, " I really like you and find you to be a very smart and attractive girl. I am flattered that someone as amazing as you even has interest in me, however, I adore our friendship way too much to risk losing it. Because of that I will never cross those boundaries with you. I do hope you understand and that this does not bring any sort of rift in the friendship that we share."
This will be very direct, tactful, and friendly. Then I would kinda give her the space that she may need. Be firm with your statement but kind at the same time. Hope this helps. I have been on your end of this and it is not a fun thing to have to do. My guy never got the point so I have just pretty much kept my distance. Hope this does not happen to you.
If you have been friends for 12 years, you can be honest with her and she will understand. I would just tell her that you don't want to lose the friendship but that beyond that you don't have feelings for her in a romantic way. She will be initially hurt but give her a couple of days and she will be okay.
Are you sure you aren't interested in her that way? What's wrong with her? Are you involved with someone else? If you are such good friends you might make a great couple.
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I'm just wondering if anyone else has been through something similar, and how did you handle it? Thanks!