2 days to respond and you're out (boyfriend, guys, cheated, friend)

[Chi-turtle]

Originally Posted by Opsimathia

If someone sent me a remark like that because I didn't respond right away I thought they seemed insane and like a control freak. I am a human. Not an on demand bot for pleasure or conversation. I have other stuff to do and other people to talk to.

You do realize that females get way more responses to sort though than you do right?

I don't say in the email "Hey, you didn't respond in a couple days so I'm dropping you". I said already that I don't tell them that

Mod cut: Off topic.

Here's the last email I wrote: "Hey, I just wanted to say it was nice chatting with you but I've decided to see someone else exclusively. Best of luck in your search!""

What's wrong with that email? Tell me how that would make me sound like a control freak?

[cwamjn]

Two weeks ago you started a thread about how you fought off the urge to online date. You swore it off. Now not even a blink of the eye later you are back.

Either
1) you have entirely too much time on your hands
2). You are addicted to online dating and the Internet in general.
Or
3). You are completely bi polar and impulsive.


You need to work out some major issues, before attempting to date. It's not fair to any man or woman to be subjected to your histrionics and general confusion. This is how 17 year old girls act.

[Braunwyn]

Originally Posted by Chi-turtle

I don't say in the email "Hey, you didn't respond in a couple days so I'm dropping you". I said already that I don't tell them that

Mod cut: Orphaned.

Here's the last email I wrote: "Hey, I just wanted to say it was nice chatting with you but I've decided to see someone else exclusively. Best of luck in your search!""

What's wrong with that email? Tell me how that would make me sound like a control freak?

I think some get distracted by your extreme, contradictory positions. Your posts may make sense to you and a few other problem children on this forum, but by and large you often sound passive/aggressive and confusing.

[Cantabridgienne]

I don't get why you've decided that anything beyond two days is a "game", but it seems like you enjoy beating women to the punch in terms of rejection. Good luck with that.

[Dewdroplet76]

Originally Posted by Chi-turtle

I've been dicking around on OKCupid lately as my job has slowed down and I have the time. I'm sort of enjoying sending out the one-liner sarcastic emails to some women. I even just call some women out on some of the effed up things they wrote on their profile (you wouldn't believe what some people think is a good idea to say on a profile).

Well, that's a real jerky thing to do. Sending sarcastic emails and calling women out on their profiles because you don't like them. Why on earth would you waste your time being a jerk to people you don't even know?

Anyway, I hate the game playing with a passion and I've put a new rule in effect because I simply don't have the patience anymore: If I'm emailing them back and forth a couple times and they wait more than 2 days to respond I send them an email telling them I've decided we aren't a good match/decided to see other people/etc.

So - you hate their game playing - so you play your own games and make up lies. Uh huh. Yeah - that makes sense.

Very likely they are not interested in me anymore anyway, which is fine, but I've even gotten some responses back after this email and I just ignore them. If they can't figure out that games are stupid and I won't deal with it then there's nothing I can say to help them.

So - when they do respond - you ignore them. Their games are stupid - but yours are awesome and make sense - right?

[quote]I also want to point out that I realize many women are impatient and want to meet right away, not exchange emails for too long. My response would be that I would like to get to know them a little more before wasting my time to meet with them. I just don't have as much free time these days and I'm not blowing it on some girl that I know nothing about. If we can't have a halfway decent conversation via email or phone chat, then I'm sure as heck not spending time with you in person. If this is unaccpetable to some women then it's just another tool for me to help weed out the inflexible and desperate women out there.[quote]
So - because a woman values meeting someone in person more than emailing back and forth with a stranger - that makes her inflexible and desperate?

Originally Posted by Chi-turtle

I like it now, I'm having fun with it and I'm not allowing myself to get in this trap.

I also find it more respectful to tell someone that you're no longer interested and tell them it was nice chatting with them, rather than just "fade away and disappear".

Obviously you think it's okay to just ignore people, I guess I hold a higher standard than you to just be polite and tell them I'm moving on.

It's not a matter of ILL SHOW YOU!, it's more a matter of decency. She can wait days to respond with the next guy, that's her choice and her business, not mine. It just doesn't work for me. Why are you so angry and demanding I have to play along? Why are you so against being polite?

I feel kinda bad for you, I've seen your other posts. Sad.

So - you think it's more respectful to make up a lie because you are angry that she didn't write you back fast enough than it is to just ignore someone you aren't interested in?

Originally Posted by Chi-turtle

I don't say in the email "Hey, you didn't respond in a couple days so I'm dropping you". I said already that I don't tell them that

Why is reading comprehension such a problem on this forum?

Here's the last email I wrote: "Hey, I just wanted to say it was nice chatting with you but I've decided to see someone else exclusively. Best of luck in your search!""

What's wrong with that email? Tell me how that would make me sound like a control freak?

What's wrong is that it's a lie that you told her to get back at her for not responding fast enough for your taste. That seems more desperate to me than wanting to meet in person after a few emails.


So - what do you want from people? Honesty and respect or game playing? Because if you want honesty and respect - you have to give it before you get it. If you want game playing- then by all means, keep it up. And it if you want to just be a jerk - keep sending out sarcastic one liners and calling women out on their profiles when they don't suit you. I don't even understand why you are doing this. Do you have some personal vendetta against women and now you are going to make them pay? You are 29 - that's too old for this kind of crap. If you aren't ready to date and be an adult about it - then wait until you are ready - for your sake and the sake of anyone who gets involved with you.

[RiderGirl]

Why this thread amuses me:
1. In the very recent past, OP has made a huge fuss over how he's not dating, not looking, DONE with dating.
2. OP states he hates games, but is engaged in manipulative game-playing.
3. Mod cut: Personal attack.

[Opsimathia]

Originally Posted by Chi-turtle

I don't say in the email "Hey, you didn't respond in a couple days so I'm dropping you". I said already that I don't tell them that

Mod cut: Orphaned.

Here's the last email I wrote: "Hey, I just wanted to say it was nice chatting with you but I've decided to see someone else exclusively. Best of luck in your search!""

What's wrong with that email? Tell me how that would make me sound like a control freak?

Its that you sent a sarcastic email and then in two days drop your interest with a sweet email. Seems like PUA BS/nutty/controlfreak to me. All of sudden in two days you went from on the hunt to to totally committed? Yeah right.
So that makes you a liar. Or some dude that was going to cheat on his girlfriend. Or some dude that is just bored and messing around. Or some guy that easily falls for females and will cheat if given the opportunity. Or some dude that likes to keep a bunch of females as friends for backup plans.


Hey at least you are not rude on the follow up. Tip: Humor can be taken the wrong way in writing. You don't get the tone of it and you don't know if its something that is going to offend the person.

[JosephV55]

Originally Posted by Chi-turtle

I figure I can be picky online, have some fun with it.

It is fine to have some criteria but there really is no point to "playing"
with people online purely for your own entertainment as this can be
considered engaging in game playing.

I'll play by my rules instead of theirs. What do I have to lose?

Playing by your rules could potentially cost you a very good partner in
the long term.

You have your criteria and are looking to connect with someone. It seems
you want them all to jump through your hoops... that isn't how this works.

It is about 2 people getting to know each other for the purpose of
establishing an LTR.

It is not about playing by your rules.

[20yrsinBranson]

Originally Posted by Chi-turtle

Anyway, I hate the game playing with a passion and I've put a new rule in effect because I simply don't have the patience anymore: If I'm emailing them back and forth a couple times and they wait more than 2 days to respond I send them an email telling them I've decided we aren't a good match/decided to see other people/etc.

It might interest you to note that some people do have a life apart from the computer. Some people don't check their email or "dating sites" every single day. Some maybe only once a week.

You are ruling out a lot of potential good partners because of a stupid, arbitrary rule. You might want to rethink it.

20yrsinBranson

[katykat01]

If you've been online, and you're purposely waiting multiple days before responding, I want nothing to do with you. They're setting a precident that even if we start dating, they'll always wait days to call me back or respond, etc. Who wants to get involved with that? Not me.

I disagree. I've had many days this year where the last thing I had time for was online dating, even if I was interested in the person. There were days where I was too tired to even construct two sentences in an email, so if you're dismissing someone who was legitimately busy, you're being rather harsh. Of course, you have no way of knowing that because you're assuming they're not interested, when really they could have been ridiculously busy or had some unforeseen event happen that they had to tend to. Life does interfere with dating, believe it or not. Perhaps your attitude is why women aren't rushing to respond to you and why you haven't been successful with online dating.

I've had minimal emailing before dates and had some very nice dates. Nothing came of some of them, but that's okay. It was still nice to get out and connect with people I wouldn't have otherwise known.