Wife Forgot About a debt I pay and now thinks I am lying about it (girlfriend, how to)
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7 years ago a family member lent me a LOT of money for a business. I have been paying it back every month as planned even though the venture didnt come to fruition. I still have 7 years left. Sure there have been tight months and good months, but I make good on it as I take care of my commitments. An wayy my wife of 15 years knew about it as it was discussed many times before, during, and after receiving.
My wife is very passive when it comes to money and bills. Just wants nothing to do with any of it really. So when bills come in I just pay them. I dont talk about them or what is going on because it stresses her out. Currently we own a home, cars ( paid off ) and life a very comfortable middle class life even though she has been laid off for a year and having trouble finding a position.
There were times when money was tight and she had to dip into her retirement to take care of a few things. Even though the financial responsibility of our family is on both of us, she always held this over my head because it was her retirement money. When she does hear about a big repair bill for example she gets crazy. I dont because I know what we can afford. Yes, I have asked her many times to get involved with our finances but she just wont.
The other day she saw a letter going out to make my monthly payment for the borrowed money. She asked what it was for and I explained it. She looked at me like I was crazy telling me she didnt recall it. Now she is accusing me of lying about it, hiding it, and breaching the trust of our relationship ( which is incredible by the way on many levels ). Knowing my wife very well I know for a fact this is the most upset she has even been.
She barely wants to talk to me. Doesnt want to hug me, hasnt told me she loves me, or wants me involved with much. She is basically interacting as little as possible with me for the past week since this began.
My view is I had an obligation and I am taking care of it. Hers is I should have stopped paying for it years ago when money was tight and broke my commitment. This is in addition to the fact that she doesnt remember it and the whole trust thing. Since she doesnt recall anything she thinks I did all this behind her back. I am actually getting copies of the payment transfers involved from 7 years ago because she was on one of the accounts and signed a few checks.
I am at a loss here. The only thing I am guilty of is not taking about it for the past 5 years because she stresses about money and debt.
Tell her to learn what reality is and to stop acting like a 16 year old girl. What is it with some women and being so stupid/ignorant to how the world works?
Well I am not looking to knock her. I respect she feels this way, but I am not sure how to get this across to her.
You need some outside help on this one.
I suggest you either contact a therapist to help you in communicating most effectively with your wife. It's amazing how much a neutral 3rd party can really help two people at odds see each others point of view.
Or perhaps ask the person you are paying back to sit down with her to refresh her memory about the event.
Good for you for sticking with your commitment to repay what was borrowed btw
She sounds a lot like my fiancee...trusts me to handle the money (he moved into the apartment I already was living in, so all the bills are in my name) and pays his portion to me, and I pay the bills themselves. I am not positive he has ANY idea what bills we pay, LOL. But he knows the phone works, the lights come on when they are supposed to, etc. There have been a few times when he has questioned a bill or an amount, thinking it was paid off or something, but I always have the statement ready to show if he asks, as he is paying a portion of the bills. I think this may be the solution with your wife...show her the areas in which she has been a part of the payment, etc. Also remind her that if it is a large sum, as you said, then not paying would not have been a great idea, financial difficulty or not, as people tend to sue, even other family members, when the sum of money is large.
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