Am I wrong to not want to date Damaged Goods? (females, attracted)
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as long as you are not going into the relationship thinking they will change for you or you can somehow magically change the person with your love and affection like magic there is nothing wrong with it. just accept people for who they are and never expect things to suddenly be "ok" because YOU wish/want them to be.
Last edited by rego00123; 06-28-2012 at 11:17 PM..
The problem here is your view of a person as "damaged goods". When you get a bit older and more mature, you know that most people have "issues". Most people have had crap in their life, had a mental illness of some sort, an abusive parent/teacher/partner/child/whatever. Life is not all peaches for a lot of people, and they are often better people because of it.
The phrase "damaged goods" implies that the alternative is perfection...prime quality if you like.
So what makes YOU prime quality in your own high opinion? I might take one look at your physique and consider YOU "damaged" and reject you outright, no matter how lovely your manners are. Your manners clearly aren't lovely, so then I would reject you as "damaged" because of your judgemental snotty attitude and lack of compassion.
First off, I'm a male in my 20's. When I look for a female for a LTR, the first thing I look at after her attractiveness is the red flags. I refuse to date any women with past issues like Bipolar, Borderline, any visits with a shrink, medication, attention whoring, divorces, cheating, promiscuity, abused as a child, domestic abuse, rape, making bad choices in males, etc. Looking at the net for men who got burned in relationships, it always seems like there a few traits in common in those women who have relationship troubles. I will not think twice to run away as fast as possible if a girl tells me she takes medication for some disorder she has. If she says she is bipolar, I leave instantly. I refuse to waste my life giving into any kind of woman who has crazy potential. Ironically despite having high standards in the baggage department, I have relatively low standards of attractiveness. I find all kinds of women attractive whether they are young, old, petite, or tall. Just as long as they don't look bland, I can find most women attractive.
Am I wrong or shallow for looking at these things?
Other than the label you have used to categorize these women ("damaged goods" ) I see nothing wrong. You are entitled to date whomever you please.
However, the fact that I
1) am divorced, and
2) was sexually abused as a child
...places me squarely in your "damaged goods" category. I have have many successful relationships, and am almost 3 years with my current beau, so clearly the "damage" is in your mind.
I think the terminology you use is either
1) showing your ignorance about women, or
2) designed to get responses to your thread.
Some "damaged" people recover or heal. Some do not. At a young age or if the problems are recent, there may not have been time for them to heal, of course, so your rules may work to help you avoid problems. It's a choice, and there's nothing wrong with being cautious when such issues are involved as it can deepy affect your relationship and overall happiness. If the problems were long ago, I think you can probably decide if the issue still exists or not. This is worth doing if they seem well matched otherwise. It's true that some people learn or grow stronger from adversity.
Other than the label you have used to categorize these women ("damaged goods" ) I see nothing wrong. You are entitled to date whomever you please.
However, the fact that I
1) am divorced, and
2) was sexually abused as a child
...places me squarely in your "damaged goods" category. I have have many successful relationships, and am almost 3 years with my current beau, so clearly the "damage" is in your mind.
I think the terminology you use is either
1) showing your ignorance about women, or
2) designed to get responses to your thread.
Shame to say, but I beleive majority males feel like OP does, most of the men I came across have issues with these sorts of things and are pretty judgmental about it. Now if you found bf not like that, okay, Mod cut: Gender bashing.
First off, I'm a male in my 20's. When I look for a female for a LTR, the first thing I look at after her attractiveness is the red flags. I refuse to date any women with past issues like Bipolar, Borderline, any visits with a shrink, medication, attention whoring, divorces, cheating, promiscuity, abused as a child, domestic abuse, rape, making bad choices in males, etc. Looking at the net for men who got burned in relationships, it always seems like there a few traits in common in those women who have relationship troubles. I will not think twice to run away as fast as possible if a girl tells me she takes medication for some disorder she has. If she says she is bipolar, I leave instantly. I refuse to waste my life giving into any kind of woman who has crazy potential. Ironically despite having high standards in the baggage department, I have relatively low standards of attractiveness. I find all kinds of women attractive whether they are young, old, petite, or tall. Just as long as they don't look bland, I can find most women attractive.
Am I wrong or shallow for looking at these things?
To answer your question, I'd say yes, you do sound shallow. But that isn't a bad thing, if you don't mind being shallow You should let women know this, because maybe they don't want to date men that have the baggage of shallowness
Nobody is perfect, and there is a good chance that the "perfect" person you meet, has had some of the issues you mention, but just doesn't tell you, especially if you come across in person, as being this picky and judgmental as you do on this forum.
As some others have posted, the strongest people, those with the most character, are often those that had to overcome the greatest issues at some point in their life. Everybody falls down, often, true strength is continuing to get back up.
...isn't sanity really just a one-trick pony anyway?
I mean all you get is one trick, rational thinking,
but when you're good and crazy, oooh, oooh, oooh, the sky is the limit. TheTick
If? Why would I date someone that had this warped perspective? Why would anyone?
So you're taking issue with the word "if" here. Don't read so much into it, obviously I was saying if you found someone who is NOT like that then okay (hence the okay part). You don't have to have this "warped perspective" that was my perspective I was talking about not what you should think. IF (LOL) it's not yours, good for you then. As for 'why' would anyone date someone with my perspective, I dunno, ask people that date.
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) I see nothing wrong. You are entitled to date whomever you please. 
You should let women know this, because maybe they don't want to date men that have the baggage of shallowness 