Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
First off, I'm a male in my 20's. When I look for a female for a LTR, the first thing I look at after her attractiveness is the red flags. I refuse to date any women with past issues like Bipolar, Borderline, any visits with a shrink, medication, attention whoring, divorces, cheating, promiscuity, abused as a child, domestic abuse, rape, making bad choices in males, etc. Looking at the net for men who got burned in relationships, it always seems like there a few traits in common in those women who have relationship troubles. I will not think twice to run away as fast as possible if a girl tells me she takes medication for some disorder she has. If she says she is bipolar, I leave instantly. I refuse to waste my life giving into any kind of woman who has crazy potential. Ironically despite having high standards in the baggage department, I have relatively low standards of attractiveness. I find all kinds of women attractive whether they are young, old, petite, or tall. Just as long as they don't look bland, I can find most women attractive.
Am I wrong or shallow for looking at these things?
Having said that, a friend of mine met a young lady years ago who had unresolved issues with her parents and siblings, mild OCD issues, and had been treated for depression although she was off medication at the time. He fell in love with her in spite of all this, and she in turn fell head over heels for him because he accepted her as she was and loved her unconditionally which she though nobody would ever do. After dating a couple of years they got married.
After 15+ years of tolerating her controlling attitude, constant criticism and selfishness they are in the process of getting divorced; not because he got tired of it and decided to leave, but because she has decided that all the problems she brought to the relationship are now his fault.
Yeah, I can't really blame someone for not wanting to end up like that.
Mod cut: Orphaned. You're at an age where you should make use of your passport, learn and get a few notches elsewhere. When you come back home you'll be more prepared to deal with what you find in the debris around you.
I refuse to date any women with past issues like Bipolar, Borderline, any visits with a shrink, medication, attention whoring, divorces, cheating, promiscuity, abused as a child, domestic abuse, rape, making bad choices in males, etc.
And just to note. If a woman only has ONE of those issues and she is hot, then go for it. A rational and logical man can at least manage and deal with one of those issues and still make the relationship work.
I have dealt with all of those issues in various forms with different women. However, I endured a journey straight to hell and back for 18 months with a woman once that had all of the above listed issues. Thats right - all of them wrapped up inside one woman. And it was a total adventure in every way, with the sex being absolutely amazing and the drama was completely adrenaline and endorphine fueled. For part of that period of time, I actually enjoyed in the same way I like getting out of a plane at 12k feet.
I was waking up next to fear and danger every morning, but occasionally leaving her behind to go skydive.
Bipolar - one minute she would be a domestic angel, cooking dinner every night, taking care of my house and leaving cute little notes everywhere for me telling me how much she loved me, etc etc and then she would change into a sociopathic pawn of satan for a few days devoid of empathy and/or remorse.
Borderline - traits and characteristics. Inducing drama all of the time. Creating arguments and problems just when it seemed everything was going ok for a while. Accusing me of cheating and not loving her, etc, etc
Medication - she self medicated her mind whenever it started to attempt to function on a mature level. And usually with Crown Royal.
Attention whoring - at all times and from any guy that would acknowledge that she existed and was hot. She was a flight attendant so just being at work satisfied her need for attention from guys, especially ones that were in first class. I still to this day absolutely hate Vin Diesel because she met him on a flight and wouldn't stop talking about him for a week. F-that. With the skydiving, rock climbing and general all purpose adventures that I embark on, I have actually done the stuff that he acts like he is doing in movies.
Divorces & cheating - Yeah, she had that covered too. We first started hooking up while she was still married and thus she was cheating on her husband, and a year and a half after we got together she was cheating on me as well.
Promiscuity - she wouldn't know what monogamy was if she was trapped on a desert island with the last man on Earth. She would find some way to cheat on him, even if it was with a sex toy that washed up on shore or a tree branch. And even be able to make the guy jealous about her knew lover while pitting them against each other to fulfill her own narcissistic need to have multiple partners fighting for her "love."
Abused as a child - her dad got to her first, before any other man. And it messed her psychological development up for life. She was emotionally and psychologically trapped at about the level of a 12 year old child.
Rape - she told me about a guy that "raped" her when she was in college. That guy was her boyfriend at the time, and years later they dated and were together again. Same guy. . . like WTF?
Making bad choices in males. . . . . . . the Skydive Outlaw was one of them
Last edited by Skydive Outlaw; 06-27-2012 at 07:34 PM..
It's fine to only date those you are attracted to - and by that I mean attracted to the entire person, not just how she looks in a short skirt. That's fine. No problem there!
What I would question is why you run into so many women with these kinds of issues? Are you attracted to women you need to fix? I just can't imagine why you'd even think you need to make a rule like this? Women like that are the exception, not the rule, and if you're running into more than your fair share of them, then you might want to think about where you're looking!
I would also you suggest you drop the term "damaged goods" - it's really offensive. It's fine if you're not attracted to women with OCD or whatever - but to label them as damaged goods? That's just not nice, and will turn off most people.
It's fine to only date those you are attracted to - and by that I mean attracted to the entire person, not just how she looks in a short skirt. That's fine. No problem there!
What I would question is why you run into so many women with these kinds of issues? Are you attracted to women you need to fix? I just can't imagine why you'd even think you need to make a rule like this? Women like that are the exception, not the rule, and if you're running into more than your fair share of them, then you might want to think about where you're looking!
I haven't really run into many of them. It's mostly from listening to other guys and hearing too many stories. I don't want to be that guy.
Those women are not the exception especially considering that around 1/4 of all adult women today are taking drugs for mental health. That doesn't include the ones that should but don't. Then when you get into history of abusive ex-BF's, and being abused as a child, that makes a significant chunk of women today. Exception is like 5%, not 50+%
"any visits with a shrink"???? So you'd prefer someone who didn't address their mental health issues at all? Now THAT is nuts. People see mental health professionals for ALL kinds of reasons, and the ones who refuse to are usually the craziest of them all.
Full disclosure: I've got ADD (with mild OCD and anxiety issues tied into it) and some issues with depression. But I'd have to say most mentally healthy women (and many of those who aren't) would avoid you - you're a little too fragile for if the going gets tough, ya know? Not to mention, I suspect you have some control issues of your own based on the rigidity of your outlook.
I've got some mental health issues - that's true. But they're pretty mild and they've ultimately made me stronger. I'm the person my friends and family turn to in times of crisis because I can function pretty well in those moments. Whether they need last-minute help moving or somebody went to the emergency room or a noncustodial parent kidnapped their child, I'm the one they call (and I'm the one who found the kidnapped kid). I've been tested, and I've come out on the other side doing pretty damn good. I've got no interest in someone who hasn't weathered any challenges.
I haven't really run into many of them. It's mostly from listening to other guys and hearing too many stories. I don't want to be that guy.
Those women are not the exception especially considering that around 1/4 of all adult women today are taking drugs for mental health. That doesn't include the ones that should but don't. Then when you get into history of abusive ex-BF's, and being abused as a child, that makes a significant chunk of women today. Exception is like 5%, not 50+%
Where are you getting your numbers?
Doesn't the fact that you yourself rarely run into women like that, tell you that they are rare?
Maybe the other guys you're listening to have no clue?
Personally I have met a few women in my life with some of the issues you've mentioned - and just as many men with similar issues. But the vast majority of people I've met and been friends with and cared about and socialized with haven't had any of those issues...
So yeah, definitely an exception and not the rule!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
