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Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pikantari
Urban, I have thought about this and I am thinking maybe paying for things like snuggling may jest turn unhealthy. It seems that there could be the circumstance that the person may rely on this coming from her, and mistake it for feelings.
This is if they were in that frame of mind, of course.
I just cannot see snuggling with a stranger. There is just not the feeling and emotion that should come with it.
Why put a negative spin on it? The guys are totally starved for affection, I wonder if you or US know what that feels like? I'm not even a 'snuggler' but even I crave the touch of a woman, or even a man, not sexually that is. I don't need a lot of it, but I can seemingly go weeks without even being touched or touching somebody. Sure, some could form unhealthy attachments, but no, I don't think many are going to mistake it for love.
I wish people would not get so psycho-analytical about everything. If they're both happy doing it, who are we to be preachy about it...
I love snuggling or cuddling. At times I wish to do this and only this. Or sometimes I just want to make out and be close to someone, and not have sex. It's definitely a desire for some people.
Why put a negative spin on it? The guys are totally starved for affection, I wonder if you or US know what that feels like? I'm not even a 'snuggler' but even I crave the touch of a woman, or even a man, not sexually that is. I don't need a lot of it, but I can seemingly go weeks without even being touched or touching somebody. Sure, some could form unhealthy attachments, but no, I don't think many are going to mistake it for love.
I wish people would not get so psycho-analytical about everything. If they're both happy doing it, who are we to be preachy about it...
I'm not putting a negative spin on it, I am just saying what I think could happen. In this instance, I think the person would be worse off than before it began.
Myself, I cannot imagine snuggling with someone you don't know. When my friend and I were both single, we would snuggle up and watch a movie, but we knew eachother. I can't imagine doing that with a complete stranger...
Why put a negative spin on it? The guys are totally starved for affection, I wonder if you or US know what that feels like? I'm not even a 'snuggler' but even I crave the touch of a woman, or even a man, not sexually that is. I don't need a lot of it, but I can seemingly go weeks without even being touched or touching somebody. Sure, some could form unhealthy attachments, but no, I don't think many are going to mistake it for love.
I wish people would not get so psycho-analytical about everything. If they're both happy doing it, who are we to be preachy about it...
Nor did I put a negative spin on it. I speak of the RISKS to people who are starved for affection precisely because they ARE starved, and any semblance of relief obtained in a business transaction is illusion, whereas actual contact with people even fleetingly (relationships come and go) at least has the social scenario to temper it.
I agree. What's the problem is how we alienate each other in real life. It's sad there are people so lonely and starved of affection (such as yours truly) that they have to pay for it. Personally, I crave sexual/romantic intimacy as much or more than the physical act of sex itself. If that's ALL I wanted I might as well buy a blow up doll, that's how I see it. It sounds corny but I'd love to just cuddle up to a woman in bed, for once we'd be each other's one and all...even if it's phony, I truly believe it's better than nothing. Like the Cardigan's song 'Lovefool' I wouldn't care if she pretended to love me...of course so-called 'real' love would be better, but sometimes you gotta get what you can.
Trimac, I think you hit the nail on the head. When people are in "normal" and "healthy" relationships who have no issues with being affectionate and they find a compatible partner to receive and reciprocate, there shouldn't be a need to want to pay for it. Imo, people who have to pay for it are missing something in their lives and it's beyond what anyone else can understand. I agree with what someone else said (I think it was Jasper), snuggling and cuddling is more intimate than sex itself. I have always said that kissing is much more intimate than sex. Sex is an act that doesn't always involve emotions. Snuggling and cuddling and touch is a sense of security. To feel enveloped in someone's arms gives one a sense of being somewhere secure where no one can harm them. There's a significant difference being held by your spouse, lover, SO versus a hug from a friend. It's a very deep and mental emotion. To have to pay for intimacy, imo, is far beyond paying for the "happy ending" or fetishes that someone might consider "not normal" or willing to provide their partner with. I don't think the issue is with the person taking the money to provide this intimacy, as I see it as providing a service to satisfy someone.
To whomever left the message (I wonder if people understand the difference between private messages and giving kudos?) saying that my post was like something out of a cheesy romance novel and I'm trying too hard...
That's just the thing; I was drawing an illustration. Not every moment of togetherness or romance is like that, nor CAN be like that; life gets in the way, kids get in the way, bills and pets and oil changes and jobs and meals and home repairs get in the way, in the way, in the way.
But --
It's in my nature, my very real nature, to seek out quiet moments; for myself and for time with that special someone. For me, such moments as what I described aren't like constructions, nor especially conscious decisions. They happen, and they're as natural to me as breathing. When I say foreplay should last about 8-10 hours I don't mean every single time, but I AM quite serious because for me, the sex may not take place 24/7 but the intimacy and expression of said intimacy between the partners in a couple DOES drift through that 24/7 period like a sine-wave, now ebbing, now surfacing.
There are days when the $#!+ has hit the fan, people are moody, people are exhausted and NO ONE is in the mood for sex. But during those times I dare say everyone needs a few moments of quiet to themselves AND given a moment to recuperate, everyone needs a moment of quiet with their spouse to just touch and reassure one another that this too shall pass.
I'm not putting a negative spin on it, I am just saying what I think could happen. In this instance, I think the person would be worse off than before it began.
Myself, I cannot imagine snuggling with someone you don't know. When my friend and I were both single, we would snuggle up and watch a movie, but we knew eachother. I can't imagine doing that with a complete stranger...
This is my opinion.
Ah, but that's the difference between those of us who are in a "place" with our minds and emotions versus those that have to pay for it. Those that have to pay for it, it doesn't matter that it's with a stranger. It's the act of the snuggling, cuddling and affection. They don't care who is providing it. That, imo, is what is unhealthy.
Some people can't find someone to snuggle with or to have sex with. For those the only option may be to pay for it. If you need it, It's probably healthier than being alone.
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