I've never had a boyfriend. Needing Suggestions...
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You are not obligated really. But I would say it might come up around the time someone is meeting your family. Just a suggestion. You could wait until there is some discussion of marriage or a long future together. Or you may find someone who is close like a friend such that it just comes out because you were thinking of it, got scared, and wanted some comfort. I would hope he would act accordingly and then deal with his own fears as they came.
OP I feel you ARE obligated to tell once it seems like things are getting close to you and whoever being a committed couple. Causual dates; maybe not. But if someone is looking like they may stick around, then absolutely they should know.
Better to get that out in the open and find out just who you are dealing with. Besides, I believe the guys have the right to decide if they want to sign on for that, espescially when it comes to any future kids possibly inheriting that disease.
How can you tell if a relationship is getting serious? Like what if it takes 6 months to a year to get serious? If I waited to tell the guy after a year, it feels like it may be too long of a time. I want to tell the guy I may be with but I don't want that to be the deciding factor on whether or not he should be with me.
It can take 6 months or more to get serious, it's all situational really. Sometimes longer, sometimes sooner. But if you're together a year and things are moving along without issues, both people are happy and there's open communication, then that seems as legit a time as any.
I look at it this way, once you're an item, anything like this would be a good litmus test to see how really committed they are. Of course you risk wasting time and energy and all that if they fail said test but that's what it's all about; the experience and filtering out who's going to stick by your side and others who may not be prepared to handle something like that.
Put yourself out there. Brace yourself for all of the ups and downs of the experience, it's character building to say the least. When you find a nice one and start getting serious, then cross that bridge when you're there. I'd say first things first - start going on dates! You've worked hard, now start having some fun!
Well it's official, I'm almost in my mid-20s, have a successful career, and have never, EVER gone on a date or had a serious boyfriend.
I always told myself in my later high school years and throughout college that I want to stay focused on my school work and finding jobs rather than looking for a boyfriend. I have had plenty of crushes and been interested in plenty of men, but I have always told myself that I don't want to burden someone with my problems. In college I convinced myself that "I don't have time for a boyfriend" but now that many of my current grown-up goals in life are stable, I am the only one holding myself back.
When I was around 16-17 years old I found out that I inherited a neurodegenerative disease that would dramatically shorten my lifespan and most probably be passed on to my children, if I ever have them. Since I found out I have this disease, I have been too terrified to date!
What I fear most is that as soon as I get too close to a guy, I'll have to tell them about my disease and therefore be pressuring them to decide whether or not they want to stick with someone that may pass away as early as their late 40s or 50s and may feel pressured or obligated to take care of me when I no longer have control of my body movements. Not the mention that if we ever decided to have children, the long process of assisted fertility to ensure that my children never, ever have this disease.
Even now when I see someone I like or connect with, I think to myself, they don't need all this drama in their lives! They'll find someone healthy to be happy with. I think in some way I am protecting myself from a guy who finds out I have health problems and breaks up with me as soon as I tell him.
Sorry for the long post. I've been wanting to get some suggestions or ideas as to how I could go about dating without constantly worrying about telling the other person about my condition. When is the right time? Are men (or women if you're reading this) willing to look past my disease and enjoy the relationship we have now?
I am sorry to hear about your disease. I'll say this, you just tell him about it. Be honest with him about it. If he really cares for you, he will stick with you through it. He will be heart broken, but that's because he loves you.
I'm a similar way when I meet people. I think my life has too much drama and I don't want to give them any of my drama and at the same time, I think my life has too much drama for me to take in anymore.
I believe that there are men that will overlook something like a disease once they see what an awesome person you are. From what it sounds like, people will not know unless you tell them, so in that sense, they will already have seen you as such a wonderful person. There are quite a few people that are not so fortunate. We have people who have diseases that have obvious signs. They are often cast aside.
Some people don't even need diseases, they just have appearances that do not appeal to the masses so to speak and they get faced with discrimination. But I went off on a rabbit trail there.
Some of the most awesome people I have known carry some kind of disadvantage.
Well it's official, I'm almost in my mid-20s, have a successful career, and have never, EVER gone on a date or had a serious boyfriend.
I always told myself in my later high school years and throughout college that I want to stay focused on my school work and finding jobs rather than looking for a boyfriend. I have had plenty of crushes and been interested in plenty of men, but I have always told myself that I don't want to burden someone with my problems. In college I convinced myself that "I don't have time for a boyfriend" but now that many of my current grown-up goals in life are stable, I am the only one holding myself back.
When I was around 16-17 years old I found out that I inherited a neurodegenerative disease that would dramatically shorten my lifespan and most probably be passed on to my children, if I ever have them. Since I found out I have this disease, I have been too terrified to date!
What I fear most is that as soon as I get too close to a guy, I'll have to tell them about my disease and therefore be pressuring them to decide whether or not they want to stick with someone that may pass away as early as their late 40s or 50s and may feel pressured or obligated to take care of me when I no longer have control of my body movements. Not the mention that if we ever decided to have children, the long process of assisted fertility to ensure that my children never, ever have this disease.
Even now when I see someone I like or connect with, I think to myself, they don't need all this drama in their lives! They'll find someone healthy to be happy with. I think in some way I am protecting myself from a guy who finds out I have health problems and breaks up with me as soon as I tell him.
Sorry for the long post. I've been wanting to get some suggestions or ideas as to how I could go about dating without constantly worrying about telling the other person about my condition. When is the right time? Are men (or women if you're reading this) willing to look past my disease and enjoy the relationship we have now?
I think you are looking too far ahead than you really need to and that is keeping from enjoying life. Theoretically, you won't have to share this info until you're 40-50 so what is keeping you from enjoying relationships of a shorter nature? Given your circumstances, it should be an understandable option for you. And what keeps you from having a relationship with someone and then ending it long before your illness becomes an issue? Your relationships may be of a shorter duration but they can still be fulfilling and meaningful just as your life can be. But if you never allow someone to love you, you may never find the person who will make an exception for your issue and stay with you out of love. If someone loves you, they are not going to want to leave you.
the OP for this thread hasn't logged on in ages, maybe her luck has turned around?
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