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My best friend had a terrible disease all her life that killed her when she was 23, after many hospitalizations. She had a very active love life, and her fiance was at her bedside when she died. She was beautiful and sweet and very very smart. Some guys ran the second she told them what she had. But a good chunk of them didn't, and hell, one of them stuck for real
There are men out there for you to date. Trust me on this.
You sound like a very impressive person who has a lot to offer, just based on your post. Go out with guys, let them know what you have sometime before the dating becomes a serious relationship, but don't preoccupy yourself with this. It's just life. Any of us could find out we have a terrible disease tomorrow, ya know?
There's gonna be someone who wants to spend the time you have (and the time that they have) with you - whether it's 20 years or 50 years. Think of your disease as a way of weeding out the weak ones. My friend who passed kissed a lot of frogs, until she started dating the guy she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. And she did.
This is a tough one, and it could go both ways, and of course it's 50/50 on what someone may say.
I was dating a man and we were getting pretty close, spending the whole weekend together, etc. After 2 months, I had still not disclosed any of my health problems with him. He had made some comments about himself that to me were very self centered, so I was not sure I really wanted to be with him.
I told him about one of my problems and he gave me the cold shoulder. I was bothered by it, but it was a good thing. If he couldn't deal with it this early on, he wasn't going to be able to handle it down the road when things were much worse.
I told my boyfriend the first day we met because I was tired of the games. It was not a problem.
My best friend had a terrible disease all her life that killed her when she was 23, after many hospitalizations. She had a very active love life, and her fiance was at her bedside when she died. She was beautiful and sweet and very very smart. Some guys ran the second she told them what she had. But a good chunk of them didn't, and hell, one of them stuck for real
There are men out there for you to date. Trust me on this.
You sound like a very impressive person who has a lot to offer, just based on your post. Go out with guys, let them know what you have sometime before the dating becomes a serious relationship, but don't preoccupy yourself with this. It's just life. Any of us could find out we have a terrible disease tomorrow, ya know?
There's gonna be someone who wants to spend the time you have (and the time that they have) with you - whether it's 20 years or 50 years. Think of your disease as a way of weeding out the weak ones. My friend who passed kissed a lot of frogs, until she started dating the guy she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. And she did.
People who live, love and manage to be happy in spite of terrible things like this, bring a tear to my eye and humble me.
I say do it before things get serious. I had an ex drop a bomb on me after several months of being exclusive and I felt like he blindsided me. After the initial shock, we talked about it, but it didnt make me feel any less like he was keeping something from me.
Thank you for all of the great replies so far; many of you are understanding the stickiness of the situation. Upon reading your posts... I do think what bothers me the most is the idea of someone else judging me on something I can't control. I think I deserve the same happiness that a 'healthy' person can have; I certainly am tired of hiding behind school, work, or my fears.
I was told by my family and my doctor to keep my disease a secret. If my workplace found out, I might be a liability in the future or tarnish the chances of getting a job. If my friends/classmates/teachers found out, I would notice a difference in how they treated me, with some people refusing to have anything to do with me because I'm not 'normal'. And finally, I was warned to not tell future boyfriends because it may end any chance of furthering our relationship. I agree with some of what I've been taught; however I feel like disclosing this information to a guy I may get serious with is important. The hard part for me is to figure out when a relationship is getting serious, when would be the right time to bring it up, and what should I do they immediately end the relationship?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.City
Have you decided whether or not YOU want to have children?
Yes, I know I want children; however I'm not completely sure I want to physically have children. I'm very open to adoption at this point. Because I'm still wavering on having my own children, I don't want to advertise that I don't want kids or can't have them without a lot of time and money to do assisted fertility. I want everything to still be an option at this point, because I'm not sure what kind of guy is out there
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pikantari
I told him about one of my problems and he gave me the cold shoulder. I was bothered by it, but it was a good thing. If he couldn't deal with it this early on, he wasn't going to be able to handle it down the road when things were much worse. I told my boyfriend the first day we met because I was tired of the games. It was not a problem.
Wow, I never thought of it that way. In my situation, that's actually a great way for me to cope with the possibility that I may get turned down upon finding out about my health. I'm somewhat OK with being turned down based on looks, intelligence, or just not connecting with someone, but I am still afraid to be turned down based on something I cannot control. That's a great quote to remember! Thank you!
Quote:
Originally Posted by spinx
I say do it before things get serious. I had an ex drop a bomb on me after several months of being exclusive and I felt like he blindsided me. After the initial shock, we talked about it, but it didnt make me feel any less like he was keeping something from me.
How can you tell if a relationship is getting serious? Like what if it takes 6 months to a year to get serious? If I waited to tell the guy after a year, it feels like it may be too long of a time. I want to tell the guy I may be with but I don't want that to be the deciding factor on whether or not he should be with me.
My best friend had a terrible disease all her life that killed her when she was 23, after many hospitalizations. She had a very active love life, and her fiance was at her bedside when she died. She was beautiful and sweet and very very smart. Some guys ran the second she told them what she had. But a good chunk of them didn't, and hell, one of them stuck for real
I, too, am sorry for your loss. ^ That is the kind of relationship that I want. Someone who's willing to find love and happiness without letting the scary, unknowing future getting in the way of something wonderful.
I have a younger friend who is 30 almost 31. There isn't a damn thing wrong with him and he has never been on a date and never had a girlfriend. He doesn't let it bother him. That's good, because I see posts on here of people who are 18-21 asking the same questions as you are. My answer is there is much more to life than a relationship. If you don't happen to find anyone at the current time whom you would like to go out with, it's best to remain single. Further more, I think people like that make better canidates later down the road. It's sure easy to waltz right in with no baggage or tiedowns. Of course the people who have been married two, three or even four or five times won't ever say that. They want to know what's wrong with you. Nothin'....mmk!
I, too, am sorry for your loss. ^ That is the kind of relationship that I want. Someone who's willing to find love and happiness without letting the scary, unknowing future getting in the way of something wonderful.
We've all got a scary, unknowing future.
Who knows? There could be a cure discovered for you tomorrow, and you will never have to tell anyone.
Your doctor and others are right...honesty is all very well but your medical history is your own, and no one else is entitled to it...that is, until things become serious.
You will know when this happens...and if he's quality, he'll love you anyway.
Good luck. x
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