how selfish is this??? (how to, married, guy, love)

[lilika]

I found out this morning that my best friend since forever is pregnant...she got married not too long ago and im not wild about the guy she married....for some reason i just cant be happy for her, on the contrary i feel ----sad why???? help!!!

[Torn2pieces]

Maybe you're just jealous?

[chickinNY]

I dont think its jealousy...maybe you feel sad because you dont like the guy and you want the best for your friend which can be understandable.

[lilika]

well see she has been going out with him for like 4 years or so, two years ago she tried to overdose because she got into a fight with him, she had always been a very independent girl......and all of a sudden comes this jerk who neglects her and she just became vulnerableand dependent on him......a day after they got married she asked me if i had spoken to her ex, and how she still felt about him and i dunno i just dont think that she was very sure of this relationship. At least that is the sense i get from her.

[Mayor_McCheese]

Just offer support. Don't try to run her life and if you tell her that he is a jerk, be prepared not to see her for a while.

[lilika]

I live in the US and she lives in Costa Rica, so i havnt seen her in two years!!! the last time that i saw her she was just coming outof the hospital where she had been for a week because of the od i talked about, she usually tells me that she feels lonely and that THat was why she stayed with him, i do think that she loves him i just dont think he is right for her.

[theqbaby]

She has been your best friend forever.....
People grow and change. There are always going to be disagreements, fights and hurdles to cross in any good marriage.
If this relationship is not going to work, she will find a way to get out.
But if you do not support her and be there for her without being negative, you may loose her as a friend.
I know that if I had a "friend" who constantly bashed my husband or didn't like him, I would back away from that friend.
Especially in a new marriage, you need to be supportive. JMO

Frankly, I can say, all my friends t hat I had before/when I got married, are no longer around. Not because of anything said or done, just because we all got our own lives and have carried on with them. My FRIEND, BEST FRIEND, is my husband.
I cannot think of one "friend" that was at my wedding, that I am in contact with at this date, 20 years later.

[little_thirsty]

You are in a very difficult position because really all you can do is be there for her. I really dislike one of my friend's husband and its difficult. But I love her to pieces so I stay in contact with her (we live in different states) and when we visit its usually just us (my husband also does not care for her husband). She will probably need a lot of support during her pregnancy so call her a lot and send her a care package. You are not selfish, you are a person who cares about your friend. Don't be so hard on yourself.

[lilika]

i dont tell her i dont like him...thats why i tell you!!!!jajajajaj that way i can vent but not with her. We have been BFs since we were 4 y/o plus she is my cousin so that makes the bond even stronger, I will be there for her always, I just dont know how to react to these news....it was just to sudden!!!!!

[little_thirsty]

Ha ha ha!!! Understood! I think you are a good friend and cousin. Just concentrate on her and the precious little life that she is bringing into the world. You are a good friend!