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Then it's the same old story "I love you, you're perfect, now change."
Screw that.
Maybe she wants their relationship to move forward and therefore wants more time with him. Relationships don't exist in a vacuum. Neither does love. Her words are a warning to him. If this relationship lasts another year, it will be a surprise. She's sharing her concerns and he is here on City-Data trying to get people to validate his side of it, which apparently amounts to "I am what I am so tough noogs." The corollary to that is "If you don't like it, leave." If she's not happy and nothing changes, she probably will.
I haven't changed at all. Mind you this is our fourth year together.
Yeah well it's her problem.
If she doesn't like you the way you are, there's the door.
You do sound like you shower too much by the way. I suspect you're one of those clean freaks who rolls off and IMMEDIATELY heads for the shower. No after play rolling in the filth for you.
I imagine this is how Tom Cruise lives...regimented and extremely hygenic.
When I was in school, I was working from 5am-2pm and then in school from 3pm-1030pm 5 days a week. The weekend was for homework and trying to have some semblance of a life. I was not in a relationship at the time, not should I have been because I was too busy to give another person the proper attention to maintain a relationship. Maybe you should sit down and really think about whether or not it's fair for your girlfriend.
Hey, Y-J, you already told us about your schedule on another thread, and I commented then that it looks like you're a workaholic, (among other comments that fit in w/what your gf is saying). That schedule looks like the schedule of someone who's compulsively driven to stay busy. Even the way you formulated your OP looks symptomatic of someone who's driven, compulsive and perfectionistic. You're really lucky your gf is so flexible and tolerant--she's not demanding that you give up the hours daily you spend on hobbies (car, internet), she's not asking you to give up the time you spend driving to the gym when you could do a home workout and save all that drive time. So midnight to 5 a.m. you sleep? Where in the schedule is gf time?
Well, I wanted to give a near accurate schedule of my day. What I told you was just a basic description without time. Yes, I do sleep..... not much but I do. Yes, I'm a perfectionist and I do have OCD. I was diagnosed with it in middle school. I like keeping myself occupied. Sitting still except when I'm on the computer feels a bit odd to me. I like to stay engaged with all that said. I'm definitely willing to sacrifice hobby time for her but I do fear that it may lead to a slippery slope. I just don't want to have to give up what I want to do entirely. The occasional "Can you stop doing what you're doing" is fine but I don't want it to be every other day you know? I'm a very driven person and I find success in whatever I'm working on to be very important.
I guess my question is does she has grounds to have such a grievance?
We all have grounds for a grievance when it comes to love. Perhaps she thought your schedule was something she could handle. Also, it is possible that she thought that you would become more open in time. Many people have to grow in love to become open. According to her, the latter never happened. One of the biggest fallacies in relationships is the race to be right. Why even ask if she has grounds? Regardless of how you were when you met her, you are where you are right now. She seems to love you enough to express her feelings to you. So what are you going to do about it? You wouldn't be wrong if you decided not to make any changes to your lifestyle. But you do need to make a well thought decision and speak to her about it. If both of you love each other enough you will work together to find a middle ground. Not try to figure out if one is warranted or has a right to voice their needs and or concerns with you. Who is right and who is wrong has to do with ego. Ego has no place in love. The attempt to reach an understanding should be there. Then once you both give it what is in you to give, you either move forward together or split.
Have you asked her: "what would you suggest I do to make you feel more involved?" You could even print out the schedule you typed above and show it to her when you ask her this.
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That might be normal in Japan, but slow down dude, at least she cares enough to bring this up. Not just for her, but for yourself and others in your life. She's right, why work yourself into an early grave? Life is about more about more than putting in overtime and making bucks.
Maybe she wants their relationship to move forward and therefore wants more time with him. Relationships don't exist in a vacuum. Neither does love. Her words are a warning to him. If this relationship lasts another year, it will be a surprise. She's sharing her concerns and he is here on City-Data trying to get people to validate his side of it, which apparently amounts to "I am what I am so tough noogs." The corollary to that is "If you don't like it, leave." If she's not happy and nothing changes, she probably will.
I'm not seeking validation. I'm wondering if this is a real issue or is she just being over the top. If you want to slam me then go ahead and do so. I don't want anyone to say it's not an issue when it really is. It will cost me not any of you.
Well, I wanted to give a near accurate schedule of my day. What I told you was just a basic description without time. Yes, I do sleep..... not much but I do. Yes, I'm a perfectionist and I do have OCD. I was diagnosed with it in middle school. I like keeping myself occupied. Sitting still except when I'm on the computer feels a bit odd to me. I like to stay engaged with all that said. I'm definitely willing to sacrifice hobby time for her but I do fear that it may lead to a slippery slope. I just don't want to have to give up what I want to do entirely. The occasional "Can you stop doing what you're doing" is fine but I don't want it to be every other day you know? I'm a very driven person and I find success in whatever I'm working on to be very important.
But success in your relationship isn't as important?
But success in your relationship isn't as important?
Is that you, Tom?
No, I didn't mean it like that. I really love this woman but I don't know. I view my personal worth according to my success in my work (be it career work or recreational work).
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