When you feel like giving up (marriage, sex, divorced, friend)

[FromTN2A2]

Originally Posted by strawberrykiki

Haha - everyone keeps saying be mean! Cooking wasn't really a big deal for me, I do it a lot for myself anyway and I thought it would be a good date idea where we could talk and get to know each other. If I like someone it's hard for me to be mean...I want to do nice things for them.

I just wish this guy would say hey it's too fast or I'm not interested or I'm a jerk or whatever. Rejection sucks but at least if someone says hey, no thanks then I know what to do and move on. When they just fall off the face of the earth then there's always that week or two period where I wonder what the deal is. I still think there's a chance he'll pop up again but hopefully I'll have enough back bone not to reply.

Ya I'm not into the being mean thing at all. It's ridiculous to me and I don't want a guy who is attracted to me being mean. A person can be nice while still setting boundaries and demanding respect.

Now some guys I'm sure will say I can be a b$tch but that's because my claws do come out when I feel the need to stand up for myself.

[mandavaran]

Originally Posted by strawberrykiki

Haha - everyone keeps saying be mean! Cooking wasn't really a big deal for me, I do it a lot for myself anyway and I thought it would be a good date idea where we could talk and get to know each other. If I like someone it's hard for me to be mean...I want to do nice things for them.

I just wish this guy would say hey it's too fast or I'm not interested or I'm a jerk or whatever. Rejection sucks but at least if someone says hey, no thanks then I know what to do and move on. When they just fall off the face of the earth then there's always that week or two period where I wonder what the deal is. I still think there's a chance he'll pop up again but hopefully I'll have enough back bone not to reply.

Just face the fact that you're on the back burner. Think about it. You like him because he's cute, probably got a good body and a good job and likely has some charm to boot. Guess what? Other women want him for those same reasons. The old adage about 90% of women chasing 10% of the top men is mostly true. You're always going to face a lot of competition. Right now, he has younger women, cuter and with less baggage than you that are pursuing him. He also has older women with more intelligence, accomplishments and sophistication that also want him.

There's no nice way to say this but he doesn't like you enough to want to pursue you. Not when he has so many other, more desirable choices. Why should he tell you this? You're not in a committed relationship. If things don't work out with the others and he hits a dry spell, you'll still be around. And you'll still be competing with all the other women who want the top dog.

If you want the top dogs, you have to pay the price. Don't play the silly "ignore him and drive him mad" games some people are spouting. Your best plan is to wait till he hits that dry spell, then when he contacts you and you get together, wow him with the best sex he ever had. Something really memorable and unique he won't ever forget.

The key to winning a man is sexual addiction. Make him want you more that he's ever wanted any other woman. The question is, are you woman enough to pull it off?

[Ro2113]

Originally Posted by mandavaran

Just face the fact that you're on the back burner. Think about it. You like him because he's cute, probably got a good body and a good job and likely has some charm to boot. Guess what? Other women want him for those same reasons. The old adage about 90% of women chasing 10% of the top men is mostly true. You're always going to face a lot of competition. Right now, he has younger women, cuter and with less baggage than you that are pursuing him. He also has older women with more intelligence, accomplishments and sophistication that also want him.

There's no nice way to say this but he doesn't like you enough to want to pursue you. Not when he has so many other, more desirable choices. Why should he tell you this? You're not in a committed relationship. If things don't work out with the others and he hits a dry spell, you'll still be around. And you'll still be competing with all the other women who want the top dog.

If you want the top dogs, you have to pay the price. Don't play the silly "ignore him and drive him mad" games some people are spouting. Your best plan is to wait till he hits that dry spell, then when he contacts you and you get together, wow him with the best sex he ever had. Something really memorable and unique he won't ever forget.

The key to winning a man is sexual addiction. Make him want you more that he's ever wanted any other woman. The question is, are you woman enough to pull it off?

Alright man your telling that she still should be hung up on this one guy. Really? Dude isn't that special. There are other guys out there.

[BioMechanical]

I still think you will hear from this guy.

But if not then no big deal because you are a very beautiful girl with a good head on your shoulders and you will definitely land on your feet!

[MsAnnThrope]

Oh God COOKING for him?

This just gets worse and worse...

You are far too nice. You barely KNOW the guy and he's in your place eating food you cooked?

No freakin way. No wonder he ran.

You cook em a meal they remember everytime their mum said "the way to a mans heart is through his stomach" get the cold shivers, followed by icy cold feet, which seem to run faster than any other kind, as long as its in the opposite direction.

Think light, think casual, think dating sites=freak flypaper.

You are not being smart. Make them work a bit harder. No one values what they get without effort.

[BradPiff]

I never felt it was my place to tell someone whether or not they should give up

[srjth]

Maybe you just need a break for a little while to rejuvenate yourself.

[Rhenzanite]

I gave up a few weeks ago. Turns out, ignoring men and not caring is what brings them in like flies to honey. I've been approached and 'hit on' more times in the last few weeks than I have in my entire life. I'm moving in the next few months so I'm not looking for anything because of that, so I've been very nonchalant and indifferent towards the men I've been meeting.

So, maybe giving up is the best way to find someone?

[cwamjn]

I wouldn't put too much stock in advice from people that are well worse off in the relationship department than you are.

Ultimately, you should seek out friends and other women that are in happy, successful relationships, and ask them what they think. I doubt you will get the silly "be mean" messages.

[dr74]

Originally Posted by strawberrykiki

I have had awful luck in dating. I think most of you know I try to stay fairly positive, but it's getting harder and harder to believe that things are going to work out someday. I met a wonderful (or so I thought) guy a few weeks ago and I thought wow, maybe my luck is changing! We saw each other 4 times in a week and a half and we really clicked in a way I'm not sure I've ever clicked with someone (or at least not so fast). But now...he's doing the fade. I know he was out of town for his brother's wedding so I didn't expect to hear a lot from him but something, anything. I asked him point blank before he left if I would see him when he got back and he said yes, absolutely...I honestly don't even know when he's coming back. It's been a week tonight since I've heard a peep from him at all, so I guess at this point I need to again take the hint huh?

This is the third time I've really liked someone and had them do the fade. Maybe it's the type of guys I'm meeting (from match)...maybe it's me, but I can't think of anything I'm doing wrong. I don't play games and I reply pretty fast when they contact me nor am I afraid to contact the guys first to try to keep things going. I'm not clingy or needy, I have a good job and take care of myself financially, a great group of girlfriends, I take good care of myself...I'm social and outgoing.

I think the thing that frustrates me the most is there seems to be zero accountability from these guys. I can handle being told sorry, I'm not interested. It's the sitting around waiting that sucks. Why can't people communicate and be up front and honest about their intentions? Even if I've only been on two or three dates with someone, if I don't see it going anywhere I let them know. It isn't right to waste someone's time. And I'm SO sick of people saying you'll find him when you're not looking or just focus on yourself. How do you NOT look when you're ready for a relationship? Would I not look for a job if that was my goal? And I have been going out, trying new things, taking trips...I'm not sitting at home crying into ice cream.

UGH. I'm just so sick of this!! I think I needed to vent. Can anyone else relate??

I understand you completely, it can be frustrating when you are seeking a long term relationship and you are in a pool with different type of individuals that are seeking there own kind of happiness that may have nothing to do with a long term relationship.
I understand getting excited when you meet that one person that you vibe with on so many levels, you almost feel like you have been dating them forever, the convos are great, the topics are in depth and not just surface topics, it is hard not to get excited.

However after some very sour dates and things gone wrong I have learned sometimes it is best to relax, not have expectations and let the chips fall where they may as hard as it can be.
Vibes are given off whether or not we intentionally give them they are the unspoken social cues, the body language, the eagerness when we speak to someone, the talk that often tends to happen stating the future, “We should do that sometime.”
Dating can be extremely exhausting if you allow it. It can consume your every thought, it has you over thinking everything someone sais to you because you want the relationship so BAD.
I have learned that sometimes expecting nothing is best. That meeting and clicking with someone is great, the best feeling however not to get carried away and start thinking into the future since you do not know for certain if this is going to go anywhere.
I have learned that even though several dates can be great they may not lead anywhere more than dates because either I or the other person are willing to go further than this.
Before I got involved ( Almost a year now) I was seeking a long term relationship and I made my share of mistakes until I finally realized even though I am seeking a LTR I may find that after several dates this is not the person that I want to be with.
I may have not noticed certain things in the first two dates that I observed on the third date, situations and places account for a lot, I.e. the way one conducts themselves in certain situations, the language they use, and so forth, these are just examples.
Regarding your situation? I believe you, he initiated the dates however this does not mean he is wanting to continue the relationship at the pace and frequency that you do.
There are so many variables that could have happened between his brothers wedding and after he returned.
Regardless of what occurred does not mean you had to have done something WRONG.
It may having nothing to with you personally and perhaps a issue he has regarding what he is looking for and what he wants, he is acting out of what is best for him.
A wedding is a great event to attend especially for a sibling, you have no idea what took place before or after, conversations he had with family regarding when he will be next, people he met, spoke to..
I guess I am trying to say anything could have happened and you should not base your happiness on his call or text. Keep your options open and continue being you.

Originally Posted by strawberrykiki

It's not that I have trouble meeting guys. I have trouble meeting guys that I really like and that seem to actually want a relationship. Maybe I'm being too picky...but I don't want to just attach to someone just for the sake of having someone.

Are you really being picky? When I think of picky I think of physical attributes like, height, weight, hair or lack thereof, active, loves certain things I like and so forth.
Picky can work against you or for you..
I.E. I had a thing with height, I am 5’6.5 and I usually do not date men under 5’11 this is my preference. I dated a guy whom was 5’6 for 4 months and he was the nicest guy ever and still is what did not work ended up him not being able to handle the distance like he stated he was able to do ( He resides 3.5 hours away from me.)
So I gave in a little and finally …I am going to say something you do not want to hear. I quote and quote “gave up” And 2 months later I ran into my now boyfriend of almost 10 months. And to boot? He is 6’3! I am happier than I have been in years and we are serious.
People will come and go that is a fact, it will happen when it happens, a time frame cannot be put on this believe me.
The harder you push, the harder you make this your focal point, the more desperate you become. The more desperate you become? The more you give power to someone else to provide the happiness for you.
You are already onto something when you stated that you are not just looking to be attached to someone for the sake of being attached!
You are smart..I feel your outlook has become jaded and this is the time to step away from it all..delete your profile. And maybe look for another site although I will tell you most sites are the same!
Spend some time on your own and then regroup and join again with a new perspective.