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This came up in another thread (the one on giving an engagement ring) and got me to thinking about how we see gift-giving in relationships.
I like to receive gifts. I am also generous in giving gifts. To me it shows appreciation and attention, especially when it shows the person went out of their way to pick something specific they know the person will like. It is not the amount of money spent, that is not important to me, it is the time and attention that goes into making the gesture.
But I've also heard people say they show their appreciation and affection in other ways so gifts aren't that important to them, unnecessary, it is materialistic to expect gifts. But if gifts are important to the recipient, our beloved, should we give them anyway?
There's a lot all twisted up together in there that bears further examination. How do you feel about giving gifts to your beloved? How important to you is it to receive gifts from your sweetheart? Is it a deal breaker if they don't or a minor irritant? How do you handle it in your relationship when you are not on the same page.
When I was dating my now husband, I remember once we are shopping together at a lady's boutique. I showed him a pair of shoes that I was in love with, but they ran out of my size in the store and online. No bid deal, life goes on and I forgot about the shoes after that.
He called his mom in Boston (where the headquarters were) told her my shoe size and the style number. She called and drove out and they found my shoes- apparently the last pair of them!!! So yes, the thought is really what counts. Its just a pair of shoes, but it showed me how considerate he was as a person and that he was willing to go the extra mile (or 1000) for me (and my feet). And every woman and gay man who heard that story said, girl he is a keeper! Obviously I thought so too.
So my answer would be that gifts, just for materialistic reasons or to "buy" your love are usually transparent, but thoughtful ones, no matter the price actually show and reflect quite a bit about the person who is giving.
When I was dating my now husband, I remember once we are shopping together at a lady's boutique. I showed him a pair of shoes that I was in love with, but they ran out of my size in the store and online. No bid deal, life goes on and I forgot about the shoes after that.
He called his mom in Boston (where the headquarters were) told her my shoe size and the style number. She called and drove out and they found my shoes- apparently the last pair of them!!! So yes, the thought is really what counts. Its just a pair of shoes, but it showed me how considerate he was as a person and that he was willing to go the extra mile (or 1000) for me (and my feet). And every woman and gay man who heard that story said, girl he is a keeper! Obviously I thought so too.
So my answer would be that gifts, just for materialistic reasons or to "buy" your love are usually transparent, but thoughtful ones, no matter the price actually show and reflect quite a bit about the person who is giving.
He IS a keeper alright.
I’m the same way. What I like the most are thoughtful gifts and even little gestures if you will… just things that show that somebody listens to you and pays attention to your likes, wants, and needs. I have expensive jewelry I never wear because I prefer funky costume stuff.
This thread reminds me again of the book Amazon.com: The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate: Gary Chapman: Books . Gift-giving was one of them. The problem is many of us tend to give what we’d like to receive (generally; not gift-related) while the other person may need something totally different in order to feel loved. Not caring to find out what it is or not being inclined to do what it is even if you know it are major reasons for frictions and resentment that could be easily avoided by talking and good will.
It depends on the person. My husband is one to give big gifts which never impressed me much. I'd rather have day to day considerations. I have come to accept that that's his way of showing affection even though I'd rather have other things. Sometimes it feels like he's trying to buy my affection. I can't get him to do the things that matter to me so I guess I'll take what I can get.
im not big on giving gifts. not during the holidays and not during any specified time frame (anniversaries, b-days, etc).
instead if i come across something, and it reminds me of a person in my life then i buy it for them. i dont think there needs to be a special day to show your appreciation for someone by buying them a lil something.
at the same time i am against this idea that if i dont BUY something for someone, then i dont care about them.
the gifts i like to give are
.practical
.a good dinner
.floral arrangments picked and designed by me
.will hopefully last a long time
.romantic
i also like to make/craft things for a SO.
to me the price tag will never matter. i dont care if it is the nicest most expensive gift. i want to know that the intention behind the gesture was genuine and sincere. that being the case i would accept a rock with our initials carved in it.
This came up in another thread (the one on giving an engagement ring) and got me to thinking about how we see gift-giving in relationships.
I like to receive gifts. I am also generous in giving gifts. To me it shows appreciation and attention, especially when it shows the person went out of their way to pick something specific they know the person will like. It is not the amount of money spent, that is not important to me, it is the time and attention that goes into making the gesture.
But I've also heard people say they show their appreciation and affection in other ways so gifts aren't that important to them, unnecessary, it is materialistic to expect gifts. But if gifts are important to the recipient, our beloved, should we give them anyway?
There's a lot all twisted up together in there that bears further examination. How do you feel about giving gifts to your beloved? How important to you is it to receive gifts from your sweetheart? Is it a deal breaker if they don't or a minor irritant? How do you handle it in your relationship when you are not on the same page.
Please chime in....thank you.
My hubby really hates to shop - for anything. About 6 years ago while on vacation I fell in love with a beautiful emerald ring at Colombian Emeralds. I made a deal with him right then and there - if he would buy me the ring, ALL his jewelry obligations would be forever met and he'd never have to shop again He took the deal and I've been perfectly happy living up to my end of it because I do love the ring!
Also, maybe because I am getting older (still in my 40's though!) getting "things" is becoming less and less important to me. I find I want to give more things away then I want to keep. So, we started a tradition 2 Christmas's ago - instead of getting each other any gifts we write each other a love letter. I bought a beautiful scrapbook to keep them in. I plan to take that book with me to the old folks home one day - it will be priceless compared to any other material objects!
Additionally, when friends or family want to give me a gift of some kind I always encourage them to just make a donation in my name to my favorite local charity. I really only care about their "presence", not their presents
i've known my wife for 9 years. we started out giving things all the time.
we've been married almost 5 years now and we've cut it back to christmas, mother's/father's day, and sometimes on birthdays.
there will be times when she's out at the store and will bring something home for me that i did not specifically request but that she thought i might want/like... is that technically "gift giving"? or is it only a gift when it's wrapped and presented?
There is a book I recently heard about that deals with precisely this idea. It basicallly said that people have different ways of communicating love and affection. There are several categories: Gifts, Quality Time, Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service. Some people care about gifts, others feel appreciated when their spouse does the dishes, others want a back rub. I found a link describing the book in case anyone is interested.
there will be times when she's out at the store and will bring something home for me that i did not specifically request but that she thought i might want/like... is that technically "gift giving"? or is it only a gift when it's wrapped and presented?
I consider that a gift
I often buy my fellow a little something when I'm out and about. For instance he really likes halva (a sweet sesame paste confection) and sometimes when I'm out buying some items I pick him up a brick of it. You see every time I see halva I think of him.
And he's always upgrading my computers and network with parts and gizmos. Heck, he gave me his old PDA because he's got a terrific new smart phone. I don't mind. Although I haven't used it yet.
There are several categories: Gifts, Quality Time, Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service. Some people care about gifts, others feel appreciated when their spouse does the dishes, others want a back rub.
And then there are us greedy witches who want them all!
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Obviously I thought so too.
