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I already know..."Oh great, another thread bashing women"....
Maybe, maybe not. Not women, but particular women.
These women, I just don't understand it anymore. I mean, what do I have to do?
I think women think of me as too nice. Either that, or they think I'm a jerk. Or awkward. Or creepy. Or whatever else...
Personally, I'm just whoever I am, which is me.
I think I have my act together...actually I'm positive. I've been working on building the life I want to live for a very long time now. Unfortunately for me, women aren't a big part of that yet. I'm still young..and there is no way I can provide for a girl at this point in my life...I'm having a heck of a time providing for myself!
See, if she's going to interrupt or change those plans, she better be worth it. And this is my first gripe with where I'm at with girls right now...it's all about them right now. You're expected to, basically, make them your life...or at least that's what it seems. The fact that you're living your life, and that that life sometimes includes them, and at other times doesn't, is a problem to a lot of girls. She wants you to spend all your available time with her...and firstly, my available time is like 10 hours a week, time where I can just sit down and just be me. And I value that time, it's preciously rare these days.
So, then, the alternative you have is that you incorporate them so fully into your life that you're almost always in their business, and they yours. For me to be comfortable with that, I'd have to have known them for a long time...like a year.
Which brings me to my second gripe, girls don't let things develop. They just get to know you, and within weeks or so, your window closes. Before you've had the chance to catch feelings for them, they've already moved on.
The part where women aren't part of the plan, though, is fast becoming not true. It's about that time. Which leads me to my third gripe, women don't have a plan of their own it seems...it's like, marriage then babies. But, beyond that, I get like "I just live life in the moment"...which is cool and all, but I'm trying to live a life that mattered. I can't behind the whole "chill and wait for death"...which is what many girls seem to be bent in doing. No trying to live a life of value, just going through the motions.
So when I talk to a girl, I have all that at the back of my mind. "Will she actually have a plan, desires, beyond kids and 'licing life'? More often than not, not really...not at all.
Where I'm at right now is that I can't find anyone who is compatible with the above...and my hopes of that changing aren't high...I imagine girls like that are only open to guys, really, after a certain age. Certainly not my age...
And in the meantime?
So yeah, when I interact with girls, that's where my mind is. If it seems that all I want is sex, it's really that all I can get from you, it seems, is sex, but maybe not, which is why I'm interacting with you.
But women, they see something totally different from this. But I'm not sure what. Any advice?
It is quite obvious that you are not ready for a girlfriend/serious relationship. You don't have the time honestly, nor the money, and have a negative attitude towards women as well. Maybe you should concentrate more on building your career, living the single life and enjoying it, and just wait until you are more ready.
It should be titled "thoughts on the OP and why he blames women for all his misfortune"
I agree, and I'm surprised because the OP usually strikes me as level headed.
I can't remember how old you are dub dub, but if you are meeting girls who only want marriage and babies at your age then I'd suggest you are meeting the wrong girls. There are plenty of careerminded women out there that you can date.
Better yet, if you find a woman with a good job, you won't have to support her. Imagine that!
At some point if you want to get serious, get married, have a family, etc. you might have to deal with the fact that your wife will have to take a few months off for maternity leave. If that's not what you want, then there are plenty of women out there who don't want children who can accommodate you.
I've always had a plan of my own. I know many women who do. Some don't; that seems to be a running theme from my graduating class, actually. So you just don't date them.
Maybe you need to be a little more forthright about what you want from relationships with women so you don't waste your time with the wrong ones.
I already know..."Oh great, another thread bashing women"....
Maybe, maybe not. Not women, but particular women.
These women, I just don't understand it anymore. I mean, what do I have to do?
I think women think of me as too nice. Either that, or they think I'm a jerk. Or awkward. Or creepy. Or whatever else...
Personally, I'm just whoever I am, which is me.
I think I have my act together...actually I'm positive. I've been working on building the life I want to live for a very long time now. Unfortunately for me, women aren't a big part of that yet. I'm still young..and there is no way I can provide for a girl at this point in my life...I'm having a heck of a time providing for myself!
See, if she's going to interrupt or change those plans, she better be worth it. And this is my first gripe with where I'm at with girls right now...it's all about them right now. You're expected to, basically, make them your life...or at least that's what it seems. The fact that you're living your life, and that that life sometimes includes them, and at other times doesn't, is a problem to a lot of girls. She wants you to spend all your available time with her...and firstly, my available time is like 10 hours a week, time where I can just sit down and just be me. And I value that time, it's preciously rare these days.
So, then, the alternative you have is that you incorporate them so fully into your life that you're almost always in their business, and they yours. For me to be comfortable with that, I'd have to have known them for a long time...like a year.
Which brings me to my second gripe, girls don't let things develop. They just get to know you, and within weeks or so, your window closes. Before you've had the chance to catch feelings for them, they've already moved on.
The part where women aren't part of the plan, though, is fast becoming not true. It's about that time. Which leads me to my third gripe, women don't have a plan of their own it seems...it's like, marriage then babies. But, beyond that, I get like "I just live life in the moment"...which is cool and all, but I'm trying to live a life that mattered. I can't behind the whole "chill and wait for death"...which is what many girls seem to be bent in doing. No trying to live a life of value, just going through the motions.
So when I talk to a girl, I have all that at the back of my mind. "Will she actually have a plan, desires, beyond kids and 'licing life'? More often than not, not really...not at all.
Where I'm at right now is that I can't find anyone who is compatible with the above...and my hopes of that changing aren't high...I imagine girls like that are only open to guys, really, after a certain age. Certainly not my age...
And in the meantime?
So yeah, when I interact with girls, that's where my mind is. If it seems that all I want is sex, it's really that all I can get from you, it seems, is sex, but maybe not, which is why I'm interacting with you.
But women, they see something totally different from this. But I'm not sure what. Any advice?
I honestly got as far as what I have bolded and did not read the rest. All I will say is there is NO WOMAN worth changing YOUR life plans and goals for. That's is, period, NONE, IF she feels the need to change you move on because she is not with YOU for YOU she is with YOU to try and make you into someone you are NOT.
I will follow up with this, my husband has changed the way he does some things since we have been together however, that was his choice to change those things. He has lost a bit of weight, he eats much healthier, he walks more and he is becoming much better organized with the things he needs for work and in the shed with his tools and things he uses consistently. He has also started letting go of some material possessions that have been/are of no use because of their age or the fact that they really cannot be fixed (he is boarder line hoarder and very very close to the border). He is starting to realize that these things hold many memories because they belonged to his parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles who have all passed however, the things can go away but the memories are forever.
In a relationship or not most humans grow, learn, mature and change as they gain more life experience and get older and hopefully wiser. That is a normal part of aging but changing someone's life plan or goals because you do not agree with them is NOT how things work in a relationship.
^Hmm. I'd agree. The thing is, I'm also a bit stubborn. I know this...so I'm open to discussing it further. I see no use in completely shutting someone off because 50 years down the line I want to be on a boat and she wants to be on a mountain. Compromise...
Nobody knows what they want in 50 years time. Nobody.
Hell, what I want in 5 years is completely different from what I wanted in 10 years, 5 years ago.
The one thing I am sure of is what person I want to be with when I'm changing my plans.
Life is ever changing, ever evolving. So is love.
So must we be.
Adapt, or die.
Quote:
Originally Posted by dub dub II
^Hmm. I'd agree. The thing is, I'm also a bit stubborn. I know this...so I'm open to discussing it further. I see no use in completely shutting someone off because 50 years down the line I want to be on a boat and she wants to be on a mountain. Compromise...
I agree, and I'm surprised because the OP usually strikes me as level headed.
I can't remember how old you are dub dub, but if you are meeting girls who only want marriage and babies at your age then I'd suggest you are meeting the wrong girls. There are plenty of careerminded women out there that you can date.
I don't know...at this stage it's like either women don't have definite plans, or their definite plans revolve around having a family.
Maybe I don't know how to go about meeting women that are into developing themselves...most of those women are hardly ever accessible. That is, you typically meet them in contexts not exactly conducive to getting to know one another.
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