How to break up with my long distance boyfriend? (dating, married, girl)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I've been dating my boyfriend for about 1.5 years now. We live about 1 hour from each other and have been seeing each other when we can for as long as we've been dating. He is the only guy I've ever dated. Recently though, I've been feeling unhappy and guilty.
I'm a full time college student right now. I also work part-time and I'm involved activities and clubs on campus. This takes up a lot of my time and I feel guilty that I don't have a lot of time to spend with my boyfriend.
At first the distance was managable. We alternated coming visiting each other when we could. I was handling it well up until now. The strain of it is really wearing me down and I'm not sure if I can or want to stay with him. I've tried organizing time together, but sometimes our plans fall through because of my schedule and this leaves my boyfriend upset. I feel like he loves me more than I love him, and this makes me feel extremely selfish. Right now he sees us married in the future, and I think at almost 21 years old it's too much. I feel like it's too soon to feel tied down, and I'm not ready for that.
He will be transferring to a new college next semester, putting us even farther away and I don't know how things will work once this happens. I feel like I should end things soon and be honest about my feelings the next time we're together.
I'm not sure how to end things though. I know I won't do this in any form but in person and I'll be the one to drive to him and back. I'm not sure where to do this though. He still lives with his parents and I don't want to break up with them while they're around. I don't want to go there with him thinking that we have plans and then to add another blow to the mix. He knows that there is some strain on our relationship, but I don't think he sees breaking up in the future. He is extremely good to me and cares for me, which makes this very difficult.
I still care for him, but I feel like we aren't right for each other anymore. I know I can't control any pain I might cause him, but I know I have to be honest. I need some advice on this because I've never ended a relationship before or had someone end one with me, so I'm at a loss of how to exactly handle this.
Just tell him you're through with him and want to move on. Why's that so difficult? I mean the guy's transferring to a college further away so it's kinda bound to happen. Might as well do it now.
Long distance relationships are tough. I have never been able to manage one, but you both learn from it.
You two need to sit down and have a talk about it.
Premise the meeting with him with the dreaded we need to talk about our relationship line and he will pretty much know what is coming.
Be honest about how you're feeling.
He might even say, "just tell me now" and save you the gas. Look at it like a kindness: You're giving a condemned man a choice about how he wants to be executed.
1 hour isn't a big deal, but soon he will be about 4 hours away when he transfers to his new college. Being 1 hour away is probably the most minor issue right now. Financially, driving is somewhat of a strain on both of us, so our visits haven't been that frequent because we don't work too many hours during the school year.
I've been dating my boyfriend for about 1.5 years now. We live about 1 hour from each other and have been seeing each other when we can for as long as we've been dating. He is the only guy I've ever dated. Recently though, I've been feeling unhappy and guilty.
I'm a full time college student right now. I also work part-time and I'm involved activities and clubs on campus. This takes up a lot of my time and I feel guilty that I don't have a lot of time to spend with my boyfriend.
At first the distance was managable. We alternated coming visiting each other when we could. I was handling it well up until now. The strain of it is really wearing me down and I'm not sure if I can or want to stay with him. I've tried organizing time together, but sometimes our plans fall through because of my schedule and this leaves my boyfriend upset. I feel like he loves me more than I love him, and this makes me feel extremely selfish. Right now he sees us married in the future, and I think at almost 21 years old it's too much. I feel like it's too soon to feel tied down, and I'm not ready for that.
He will be transferring to a new college next semester, putting us even farther away and I don't know how things will work once this happens. I feel like I should end things soon and be honest about my feelings the next time we're together.
I'm not sure how to end things though. I know I won't do this in any form but in person and I'll be the one to drive to him and back. I'm not sure where to do this though. He still lives with his parents and I don't want to break up with them while they're around. I don't want to go there with him thinking that we have plans and then to add another blow to the mix. He knows that there is some strain on our relationship, but I don't think he sees breaking up in the future. He is extremely good to me and cares for me, which makes this very difficult.
I still care for him, but I feel like we aren't right for each other anymore. I know I can't control any pain I might cause him, but I know I have to be honest. I need some advice on this because I've never ended a relationship before or had someone end one with me, so I'm at a loss of how to exactly handle this.
Your feelings are completely normal and understandable at your age and stage of life.
And good for you for not wanting to string him along.
This WILL be hard for him since he already "sees" you getting married, but you must make the break.
The important thing is to do it face to face. He deserves that and to do it any other way would be more painful for him.
If I was the guy I would just tell you to tell me what you have to say on the phone. Just get it over with so the guy can get busy finding a girl that enjoys his company.
It seems pretty obvious that you do not have a real strong connection with this guy. I absolutely agree that you should do this in person. I would call him and tell him that you need to have a serious talk with him when you are setting up the time to meet him. That way he knows this is going to be something different than going out and having a good time with you. Be nice but to the point.
Be sure to tell him its not him, its you (j/k, don't tell him that). Joking aside, as others said you should do it in person or at least on the phone (or Skype), and not a "Dear John" email. Whatever you do, don't do what my ex did and just disappear and expect him to get the hint. I can relate to relationships where I feel like I love the person more than she loves me, or the other way around. A relationship is unhealthy and will not work unless the feeling is mutual. It was like that with the ex I mentioned. Also your situation reminds me of how her work schedule became busy and didn't have time to see me, even though it wasn't long distance. But I think there was more to it than that, more like because she still have feelings for her ex. I'm not saying your situation is exactly the same, but I can understand your feeling about him possibly coming across as too clingy and needy since your feelings aren't the same.
Last edited by SEAandATL; 09-21-2012 at 12:49 AM..
Reason: more to add
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
