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I don't see any point in holding onto spite or hate for an ex. There's no room for that toxicity in my life. Why hold onto so much hurt when in the end, you want happiness? Forgive. Let go. Move on. And, I'm pretty sure deep down, you can find special moments in that relationship that probably taught you an important lesson despite despair.
While I agree with you that every relationship offers a "teachable moment," and probably several, I disagree that you need to forgive in order to move on in a healthy way. I haven't forgiven my abusive, alcoholic ex from my very early 20s. Similarly, I was sexually assaulted by a so-called "friend" around that time, who felt entitled to use my body as his toy and who wanted to "get back at me" for showing absolutely no interest in dating him. Forgiveness might've been possible, had he not subsequently called me a sl*t and a liar, turned all of our mutual "friends" against me – and, the last straw, cornered me at a nightclub four years ago, when my husband was off getting us drinks, gleefully bragging that he'd been keeping a dossier on me, which scared me sh*tless. Then, there were incidents of cruelty from my extended family – but that's a story for another day, and too long to get into now.
Some people may think less of me for not extending the olive branch to these people. That's their right to view me as they see fit. But just because I haven't forgiven these people and their actions doesn't mean they dominate my thoughts or life. And I'm not damaged by the people who were cruel to me either. I'm in a loving marriage and have a supportive immediate family who I value very much. I spent time in self-reflection and money on therapy to heal, and while forgiveness isn't part of healing for me, I am happy with my life and unaffected by past cruelties in the day to day.
It's weird. I was engaged when I was in my early 20s, and now it seems like that happened to someone else. I saw him for the first time in more than a decade last week at the store and kind of looked at him like "I know that guy." A few minutes later it hit me: Duh! I was with him for two years.
So no, I feel nothing for him.
Another of my serious boyfriends is my best friend. We talk about each other's lives, relationships, etc. It kind of grosses me out now that we were sexually intimate because he's like a brother to me. I love him, but not like that.
My serious boyfriend from high school, to whom I was also engaged, has made a bit of a mess of his life. So for that I'm thankful that I dodged that train wreck.
My most recent ex before I met my SO? He's nuts and harasses me on occasion, even moved to the same town as me last year. All I wish for him, though, is that he finds peace and lets go of anger.
To expand: My ex-fiance, the guy I saw a few weeks ago, was emotionally abusive and I left him the second it got physically abusive--I know I should have left before that but things deteriorated super fast. I don't hate him though. I actually feel pity for him because karma is biting him in the ass now: he lost his house recently and is having a lot of trouble with various aspects of his life.
I have a lot of exes. Most of them I initiated the break up. For the ones who broke up with me, while I might have been hurt at the time I realized eventually that we just weren't good together and it was a good thing that we broke up. My last ex, whom I mentioned in my quote, was not happy that I came to that conclusion and apparently wanted me to pine for him until he decided he wanted me back. I didn't do that, and so he's hated me and tried to torment me for more than six years.
I don't hate him back though. I just wish he'd go away.
I despise my husband's ex, even though I've never met her. She is a stupid, lazy deadbeat who makes the rest of us look bad. I have my sh*t together and take care of myself. I have no use for women who don't.
Um but your husband and her aren't together anymore so why do you even care about her?
I've gotten to the part of my process where I don't hate my ex as much as I did, say, three weeks ago, haha. I do pity her, really, because she jumps from person to person in search of what, I'm not sure. She can't keep a relationship and even our own friends don't have much hope for her. But, she is extremely young so hopefully maturity for her is on the horizon. That being said, she's currently content to not have any responsibility in her life and still blames a lot of her issues on her childhood. I have some left over mess from my childhood, too, but there really comes a time in your life where you take charge of your own future instead of letting the past dictate it.
I don't know how we were ever thought we were compatible.
Um but your husband and her aren't together anymore so why do you even care about her?
Her stupidity and laziness is still affecting us. On a basic level, though, I truly despise women like her who give the rest of us a bad name.
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