An affair is just not worth it. (marriage, woman, lover)
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It's not anything new. Neighbors, co-workers, friends etc etc.
I personally would never cheat on a woman I was with. It's just not part of my moral compass, for some it may be religion that drives them, for me I believe I can have "morals and values" without actually attending a formal church, but that is best left for another thread.
I don't get why people have affairs, just on a pragmatic basis, you have to keep track of your lies, money receipts, come up with reasons for why you are gone, always on the lookout to not get caught.
The logistics alone are just a nightmare, let alone all of the moral reasons that I mentioned.
It's it the thrill of all the sneaking around, the excitment of a "new" person??
For me, it just doesn't add up.
I obviously don't want to hurt her or myself for that matter, cause I believe that things come around and you stain yourself, karma or whatever label you wanna put on it. The universe, "God", IDK, it has a way of evening things out. I believe this.
I am a very monogamous person too, some might find that hard to believe but if I give my heart, I give it all.
The trouble is, finding someone who is worthy of that passion and trust.
Cheating is usually a symptom of something being really OFF either with the cheater, or their relationship.
I have a lover who I call "married", he's not, he's just in a fairly long term, very unhappy partnership with a woman who doesn't really enjoy sex, but his grown sons and his own mother all adore her and the pressure is on for him to stay put.
End result? Everyone's miserable...except the sons and his mother.
I often wonder how they would judge him if they knew this woman will only have missionary sex with the lights out once a month. It is a chore not a joy.
Being married to a sexless wonder myself, I would say generally speaking cheating is just a way of coping with a bad relationship....a poor way, chosen by a certain type of person....but you never know what exactly goes on in a marriage so you shouldn't judge or condemn.
I will say that I won't judge those that cheat or those that have been cheated on and choose to stay. There are SO MANY parameters to consider. Life is not black and white. I thought so when I was younger but I have reconsidered as I've aged and have more life experience under my belt.
Just this past weekend I learned that my grandfather cheated on my grandmother when he was stationed in Italy during WW2. She knew about this woman, he carried a photo of her in his wallet, yet she never left him and went on to have my father and his 2 younger siblings (in addition to his older brother). They stayed married until he passed away.
Knowing my grandmother, I can almost understand why he did it...but knowing my grandfather, I knew why he never left. I'll add this too...for him, I think it was worth it.
I agree Chow. It's sounds like so much stress and the betrayal of a partner, as well as putting a spouse at risk for STDs, is (or should be) unthinkable.
I am a very monogamous person too, some might find that hard to believe but if I give my heart, I give it all.
The trouble is, finding someone who is worthy of that passion and trust.
Cheating is usually a symptom of something being really OFF either with the cheater, or their relationship.
I have a lover who I call "married", he's not, he's just in a fairly long term, very unhappy partnership with a woman who doesn't really enjoy sex, but his grown sons and his own mother all adore her and the pressure is on for him to stay put.
End result? Everyone's miserable...except the sons and his mother.
I often wonder how they would judge him if they knew this woman will only have missionary sex with the lights out once a month. It is a chore not a joy.
Being married to a sexless wonder myself, I would say generally speaking cheating is just a way of coping with a bad relationship....a poor way, chosen by a certain type of person....but you never know what exactly goes on in a marriage so you shouldn't judge or condemn.
Quote:
Originally Posted by *Sixy*
I have a lot of thoughts on this issue.
I will say that I won't judge those that cheat or those that have been cheated on and choose to stay. There are SO MANY parameters to consider. Life is not black and white. I thought so when I was younger but I have reconsidered as I've aged and have more life experience under my belt.
Just this past weekend I learned that my grandfather cheated on my grandmother when he was stationed in Italy during WW2. She knew about this woman, he carried a photo of her in his wallet, yet she never left him and went on to have my father and his 2 younger siblings (in addition to his older brother). They stayed married until he passed away.
Knowing my grandmother, I can almost understand why he did it...but knowing my grandfather, I knew why he never left. I'll add this too...for him, I think it was worth it.
I've taken painstaking steps to avoid "judgement" in my post.
I was just thinking more for a practical point of view... I barely got into the morality of it.
I'm interesting in if anyone thought about just the sheer PITA cheating would be, depending on people's situations of course, an out of town salesperson, could cheat fairly easy.... I could too, to a certain degree as my job puts me in various situations outside of a standard office.
Once again... not JUDGING... just asking about the logistics of it all....
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