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I do agree with this... To a degree. But it only means it was worth it in the present time, not necessarily after all is said and done. My ex felt on top of the world at the time he was cheating and getting away with it.
6 months later after my leaving him, he went from being a man that felt as if he had everything, to a man that is absolutely broken. He has desperately tried to regain my attention or find someone else like me...his words not mine to anyone who will listen. Classic case of not realizing what you got til it's gone. Sometimes the grass isn't always greener, it's greener where you water it. Hindsight can be 20/20..completely depends on the situation.
Sorry about what your ex did behind your back BTW.
IMHO:
This is what happens when people don't treat others like they would want to be treated.
In marriage there's really no excuse unless there's no intimacy.
I am a very monogamous person too, some might find that hard to believe but if I give my heart, I give it all.
The trouble is, finding someone who is worthy of that passion and trust.
Cheating is usually a symptom of something being really OFF either with the cheater, or their relationship.
I have a lover who I call "married", he's not, he's just in a fairly long term, very unhappy partnership with a woman who doesn't really enjoy sex, but his grown sons and his own mother all adore her and the pressure is on for him to stay put.
End result? Everyone's miserable...except the sons and his mother.
I often wonder how they would judge him if they knew this woman will only have missionary sex with the lights out once a month. It is a chore not a joy.
Being married to a sexless wonder myself, I would say generally speaking cheating is just a way of coping with a bad relationship....a poor way, chosen by a certain type of person....but you never know what exactly goes on in a marriage so you shouldn't judge or condemn.
Why do women so foolishly believe whatever their cheating lover tells them? His whole life is a lie and yet he tells you the truth? Come on, don't be so naive.
This is really subjective. Really depends on the person. Some people have no morals or selfish. As for me yeah I don't even see the point of an affair especially if you have children.
Honestly selfishness is I think the core reason of affairs. What else could it be? They're only thinking of their wants and needs nothing else.
Someone who is happy in their relationship or is not in one, might see it as being troublesome and inconvenient. Makes sense. However, what brings us joy is, typically, not so much work. Affairs are no different. It is worth it for some until they get caught. For others, there are no regrets, no matter what the outcome. Some affairs turn into happy and healthy lifelong relationships. I'd say it was worth it to them.
I used to be the "cheating is wrong, no matter what", "never, ever, ever" chick.....until I did it....and didn't beat myself up for it. But I beat myself up for not beating myself up for it. It was a defining moment for me. It changed my entire view of right, wrong and consequence. I stand by it to this day and still manage to stay faithful.
Why do women so foolishly believe whatever their cheating lover tells them? His whole life is a lie and yet he tells you the truth? Come on, don't be so naive.
How do you know he is lying? Because all women are freaks in the sheets and never deny their husbands? I'm just sayin'.
Why are you taking your ball and running home now?
The one thing I've learned is that I have to stop being surprised when everyone on earth does not think like I do. There are SO many people out there, each with their own history. How can we all possibly think the same things???
You had an opinion. Not everyone agreed. The point of civil discourse is that you are allowed your opinion and the other person is allowed theirs. Why demonize someone just because they disagree?
You said you wanted to leave judgment out of it, then got all judgy on us. Snake pit??
Your posts are usually very thoughtful and, IMHO, worth sharing.
No, morality is not relative, but you asked about worth. WORTH is RELATIVE, in economics and elsewhere.
I wasn't being "judgy" at first, but I was honestly surprised by the posts here, I was truly "thinking out loud" when I wrote the OP, I was thinking how just morals aside going thru all the lies and the sneaking around... just that part alone would be a PITA, so I think that cheating, for me, wouldn't even be worth it, then you throw in the values and morality and it just seemed real obvious, at least to me.
YES, I get it, I'm a grown man, I KNOW people won't all agree with me, I call this place a snake pit/shythole, because after being here several yrs, I just get fed up with people... matter of fact this place has actually done worse for my "soul" then I realize.
It just surprised me when one of the most nicest,most decent people, on this forum can say something semi-positive about cheating on your spouse.
GET divorced if you aren't happy in your marriage, don't rationalize cheating.
Yes, worth is relative... I get that too..... again.. like I posted earlier... I should have just shut the f up and go about my usual crack jokes business as I do here.
But, at the end of the day isn't it truly sad when you can rationalize your personal values away with a statement like "worth is relative"
I agree. If you're not compatible with someone, then break up with them. Stop trying "to make things work." And for the sake of your (sex) life, never have kids.
He is a cheater, which means he is a liar by definition. Only a sucker believes how a cheater describes his or her primary relationship.
So, that means there is absolutely no truth to any claim that their spouses/partners have stopped having sex with them, stopped being intimate, stopped honoring the vows they also made. They're all lying, it's all fiction. OK.
But, at the end of the day isn't it truly sad when you can rationalize your personal values away with a statement like "worth is relative"
I like this. One of the more profound things I've read here.
It is sad.
REALLY really sad.
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