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I'll have to look for that movie. It's funny because generally speaking men approach me and I'm not used to inexperienced shy men. He really is a wonderful guy and someone worth waiting for.
I agree with previous posters - you are way too invested in this guy. Even if he kinda likes you but hasn't gotten around to ask you out, he is going to think you are a bunny boiler and run like the wind. You are way too old to act this clingy and to invent what might be going on in his mind. Understand that never married people who are 40+ are assumed to have something wrong with them, often unfairly. People are expecting you to have a major flaw. Don't give potential suitors a reason to reject you for being a nutter so easily; crying over a man you have never even datd does just that.
Bingo. OP, you're 40 something and you're acting as if you're 16 and that's not a good look. It's like you're obsessing over this guy. He hasn't made a move and you haven't made a move. Crap or get off of the pot.
I'll have to look for that movie. It's funny because generally speaking men approach me and I'm not used to inexperienced shy men. He really is a wonderful guy and someone worth waiting for.
Bingo. OP, you're 40 something and you're acting as if you're 16 and that's not a good look. It's like you're obsessing over this guy. He hasn't made a move and you haven't made a move. Crap or get off of the pot.
Both of us seem to be interested but I think both are waiting for the other to make the first move. I think I need to make the first move and be assertive. I asked him to hang out and he said he'd like to but I didn't say when. I need to say a specific time and place.
WHOA WHOA WHOA! Dial it back. You're investing way too much in this guy at this point and reading way too much into things. And you need to take some sort of lead with this, because the vibe I'm getting is that this dude is socially awkward in the extreme. And honestly, a dance attended by both of your families is likely NOT a place to get a romance started. So ask him to join you for coffee. A low-key, brief outing that has no special significance. Tell him at the end of the date if it goes well that it's his turn to plan something.
I agree. It seems like he's massively socially awkward. Doing chores, washing dishes, etc. is exactly what shy people do at a mixer event; they hang out in the kitchen being helpful, and stay away from the real action.
You went to this dance because it took the pressure off you inviting him to a home-cooked dinner, or to coffee somewhere. You were intending to invite him to something, but got cold feet, and used this dance as an excuse to back out of making the first move. That's how I see the macro-narrative behind this whole thing. So the ball is still in your court, you're still at Square One, and the only way you're going to get to Square Two is if you make the move. Does he take a lunch break at his store? You could bring him a picnic lunch. Or have him for dinner after his workday. Or invite him to a weekend activity or coffee. If things don't get on track after that, and awkward things keep happening, it might be time to reconsider the whole thing. But be assured that the only way forward is for you to make the first move.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 10-28-2012 at 01:09 PM..
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