This may have ruined my marriage (dating, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend)
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hi, im married to a marine and we have twin girls. we are both 25 and have been married for 5 yrs. 2 yrs ago, while doing some military training nearby his parents home in cali, he visitied them. i was pregnant with the girls so i of course was home and couldnt fly to visit too.
well, his parents have a neighbor who lives downstairs from them. a single woman in her early 40s. one nite, during my husbands visit, i tried calling his cell phone but there was no answer. so i called his parents house. and his dad said that they all just had dessert and that my husband was downstairs with the neighbor. umm..ok i said, and asked the dad to please tell my husband i called.
i tried calling my husbands cell later on that nite and no answer. ok. then he called me up the next day and i told him that i tried calling him and he said " huh? no, i was here the whole nite and i didnt hear the phone ring" ok. i told him what the dad told me and he said what?! no i didnt hang out with her i dont know why my father said that. he said that "she came upstairs and brought dessert and i met her for a second, that was it. she went downstairs after bring my parents dessert" for a short while the story was that he was downstairs with his friend outside in front of the house and his father mustve thought he was with the neighbor. his friend told me that he didnt get to hang out with my husband that nite. ok.
over the course of time, this whole story hasnt sit well with me. i asked him a year ago and he said, "oh i dont want to talk about this. me and that friggen woman didnt do anything. i dont know y my father told u i was with her. but i wasnt." whatver. y would his father say that?
anyways, i asked him AGAIN a few days ago, and he said "are we seriously going to talk about this?" i said yeah tell me what happened? so he says "u know what happend, i already told u". i said tell me again i dont remember.
so then he says that while he was visiting his parents, the neighbor had brought up dessert and she stayed for dinner. after dinner and dessert, he went downstairs with her because she was going home and he went to throw out the garbage. and that was it. so i said this is a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT STORY from what u told me previous times. and he said well, this one is the truth. then he said that he would not have anything with her because shes a gross bag of bones.
so, i REALLY think that he cheated on me with her. also, we started being boyfriend and girlfriend when we were 18. what i didnt know was during the time when he was trying to wooo me to be his girlfriend, he was dating an older woman in her 30s. i found out after we got married about her. so of course , even though we werent officially together, i was upset he sorta lied to me about her. and he said this., "if u wouldve known i was involved with someone else, would u have became my girlfriend?", i said "probably not" and he said "see, thats y i didnt tell u."
so now i think hes lying to me about the neighbor. honestly, whats your opinion? yes i know, im the annoying wife who had to ask him like a few times but the story just never sat well with me.
thanks!
also during my very dangerous pregnancy with the twins, the dr advised me to get my tubes tied. i was worried about that considering some women have experienced uncomfortable side effects from getting tubes tied. so i asked him if he would get a vasectomy and he said "absolutely not!! what happens when im with someone else and she wants kids? im not going to deny her wish just because u need to get your tubes tied. it was your pregnancy, and it was YOU that had the problems with it, not me. so NO im not getting a vasectomy" his father had 1 and was telling him that it would be alot easier for my husband to get it than for me since there are zero side effects for the man but sometimes many for the woman. he still said no. he said hes a man and real men dont do that. real men need to be able to spread their seed. his reaction about the vasectomy thing was totally uncalled for. how hurtful.
Why don't you trust your husband to tell you the truth? Does he regularly lie to you? Honestly, if you are harping about this two years later despite his repeated assurances that nothing happened, then yes, you might be driving your marriage off a cliff. He can't prove he didn't screw that woman instead of taking out the trash for her like he said. If you don't believe his explanation and keep accusing him of being an unfaithful liar, what is he supposed to do about that?
Do you have any other indication that he cheats on you?
Regarding the vasectomy, yes, that was a mean thing to say. However, you keep accusing him of cheating on you and being dishonest. Maybe he already expects that you two will divorce over this. Although you were right that a vasectomy is an easier procedure on a man than a tubaligation is for a woman, it's every person's right to refuse surgery even if it's just because the person is scared or simply does not want to. What if a doctor recommended he get a vasectomy but he tried to make you get your tubes tied instead?
Loser. And a cheater. Anyone who starts out an inane statement with "Real men don't" deserves to be dumped. But you have kids, and you should make a go of saving the marriage if you can - or at least getting to the bottom of what's going on. (I worry about a guy like this turning abusive though - that whole "real men" justification for selfishness is the refuge of a coward.)
Why would he tell multiple versions of a neighbor bringing over dessert? That's just utterly illogical. I think your guess is correct.
You need couples counseling at the very least.
To be perfectly honest, I've had some very close friends who are Marines - I adore them. But there are some guys who go into the Marines because they have personal inadequacies and think that will fix them or make them feel manlier. But the truth is that the Marines isn't about making people into functional members of society - it's about making functional members of the Marines. So most of those people who go into the Marines as dicks come out as dicks - just dicks with military discipline who think they're now better human beings.
To be perfectly honest, I've had some very close friends who are Marines - I adore them. But there are some guys who go into the Marines because they have personal inadequacies and think that will fix them or make them feel manlier. But the truth is that the Marines isn't about making people into functional members of society - it's about making functional members of the Marines. So most of those people who go into the Marines as dicks come out as dicks - just dicks with military discipline who think they're now better human beings.
Geez, let it go already! This sounds like a torture interrogation. You accuse someone and interrogate them incessantly about it and eventually they will tell you what you want to hear just to get you to stop. Maybe his parents don't like you and were trying to stir up trouble? Maybe they didn't know where he went and assumed he was downstairs with her? Or maybe he did go down there and *talk* to her awhile but knows how irrationally jealous you are and would go bonkers about it?
Loser. And a cheater. Anyone who starts out an inane statement with "Real men don't" deserves to be dumped. But you have kids, and you should make a go of saving the marriage if you can - or at least getting to the bottom of what's going on. (I worry about a guy like this turning abusive though - that whole "real men" justification for selfishness is the refuge of a coward.)
Why would he tell multiple versions of a neighbor bringing over dessert? That's just utterly illogical. I think your guess is correct.
You need couples counseling at the very least.
To be perfectly honest, I've had some very close friends who are Marines - I adore them. But there are some guys who go into the Marines because they have personal inadequacies and think that will fix them or make them feel manlier. But the truth is that the Marines isn't about making people into functional members of society - it's about making functional members of the Marines. So most of those people who go into the Marines as dicks come out as dicks - just dicks with military discipline who think they're now better human beings.
Wow, I usualy enjoy your posts, but this one is plain insanity. Are you ok? Need a man?
justjulia, i know what u mean about asking him several times. and believe me, i know thats annoying,. but...
his dad told me one story. he told me another one. he was always so mad at his dad but he NEVER confronted him. i actually asked him twice.
the day after that nite 2 yrs ago, i didnt ask him, like i said he was saying oh i was here the whole nite and i didnt hear the phone ring and i dont knoe why my dad said that.
the first time i asked him was not long ago after that.. he said well he was downstairs and in front of the house hanging out with his friend. so in converstaion with his friend, his friend was tellin me that he hadnt seen my husband in a long time, and i said didnt u hang out a couple of months ago, and he said no. that he hadnt seen him at all. i never went back an accused him of being unfaithful.. i just never brought it up.
so,for 2yrs its been bothering me and i finally asked again, a few days ago.hoping for some sort of closure.. and of course the story changed. im not asking him again. he obviously was lying to me. i think he may have slept her or something. why change the story so many times. it just seems like the logical explanation would be that he was cheating. im never bringing it up again but i came to the conclusion that its most likely possible that him and her had something going on that hes trying to hide from me.
i also understand what u mean, about what if the roles were reversed and he had to get a vasectomy? i dont know what i would do, but i know that i wouldnt have said all those mean hurtful things during such a serious stressful time. i never considered him replaceable but i guess it was good to know that thats how he considers me!
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