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There's a huge social change going on thanks to grey divorce. I've seen people who had been married for 30, 40 years, no one would ever get suspicious things weren't right and then they got divorced.
I see it as a great thing. These people seem to truly start living after the divorce.
If "grey divorce" is real, it has to be the most Mod cut: language. thing I've ever heard of. If you don't like someone, then why do you stay with them for 30 years? And don't say "for the kids" because the kids aren't thrilled that you are raising them with someone you don't like, I imagine.
It's sad to look at my reflection in the mirror and truthfully say to myself , "This marriage is a nightmare...why don't you have the courage to leave?" It's not a secret to our children, we sleep in separate rooms, we at times barely speak, my husband takes off most weekends...it is not a partnership. I'm happier when he is not home, I walk on egg-shells when he is here...yet, why am I angry that he just takes off and does his own thing? Honestly, we are not compatible, I'm a free-spirit and he worries over every aspect in life, especially money. For 29 years, I have known in my sole he is not my other half... I have been lying to myself for so long, I just have become emotionally numb. We both are at fault for this sad marriage... I'm not a slacker, have always ran a successful household, while working a full-time demanding career. There has to be more, my daughters urge me to move on with my life... In my heart I ache, because I am not showing my daughters that I am a strong woman...and I preach to them to be fierce!!! Divorce would for me be the actual beginning of my life, not the end of it, so My question is... Why am I terrified to be happy?
This is the problem, many women marry when they know it's not the right match simply because they want children or financial security etc. Then when they have got what they want they want out!!
Interesting thread. One underlying implication I see here is that marriage itself is the cause of misery. Then along comes divorce to "free" these tortured souls. Afterward it is bliss for everyone. However, that is not what I see.
I do see a lot of older people splitting up. However, its often not the party some are making it out to be. I have older, divorced relatives who have a lot of lingering anger and bitterness. I see people who are splitting up at the time of life when their careers and their bodies are winding down on them. My best friend's MIL divorced his wife's father a few years ago. She has now started meddling in their marriage with her negativity.
Divorce ends a marriage. That is it. It doesn't give you a new outlook on life. It doesn't clean up two to three decades of emotional pain and dysfunction. It doesn't provide emotional or psychological validation. It simply ends a marriage. It is then up to the individuals to start the process of renewal. And that is a lot easier said than done. That is especially true when one is moving into their later years.
That is not to say that people shouldn't do it. But is is not the "cure" some think it is. That assumes the problem is in the pairing and not in the ones being paired together.
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It is so odd to me that so many people fear being alone more than they do being unhappily married. It happens so many times when I talk to my peers wanting to get married, or those friends that are in bad marriages (thankfully there are not many of those), that I hear that they don't want to be alone, don't want to grow old alone, etc. I just don't understand the mindset.
If "grey divorce" is real, it has to be the most retarded thing I've ever heard of. If you don't like someone, then why do you stay with them for 30 years? And don't say "for the kids" because the kids aren't thrilled that you are raising them with someone you don't like, I imagine.
It's much more complicated than that. The kids are a factor, especially for fathers who know that they could basically lose their ability to raise them after a divorce. To stay with your kids you will put up with a lot of bs you would never endure otherwise. As well, you could also love someone without really getting along with them, and you might also not want to get involved in dating at a late age.
I would think that couples who have spent so many years together with kids, and working, etc, suddenly find themselves in a culture shock when the nest is empty and they are retired. Life is suddenly different for them, and they are around each other all the time. So if there were any small issues that tended to get covered up or swept aside by the hectic schedule and time fillers of children, career, etc, then they would suddenly be front and center.
It is so odd to me that so many people fear being alone more than they do being unhappily married. It happens so many times when I talk to my peers wanting to get married, or those friends that are in bad marriages (thankfully there are not many of those), that I hear that they don't want to be alone, don't want to grow old alone, etc. I just don't understand the mindset.
I don't know why this is so odd to you. I spent my childhood alone, my teen years alone, my college years alone, and my young adult years alone. As all I wanted was love and a family (and later, romance and sex), there was nothing more painful than being alone. Once you finally are not alone, it feels so wonderful that you don't want to let that go, even though your marriage slowly declines into misery itself. You have to ask yourself if you'd rather be miserable while married but still being able to have a family, or do you want to be miserable alone?
I've been miserable alone, and there is nothing on Earth that is worse. So I stay in a bad marriage.
If "grey divorce" is real, it has to be the most retarded thing I've ever heard of. If you don't like someone, then why do you stay with them for 30 years? And don't say "for the kids" because the kids aren't thrilled that you are raising them with someone you don't like, I imagine.
It's more like being so wrapped up in kids and family life that when the kids are out of the house, the couple finds there's nothing left.
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