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When I was a kid, I was always raised "how to treat a lady" from my mom. For the girls I go out with, I always open car doors for them, open every door, pull out the chair and let them sit first etc.
People say it's something that is dying, but I always score brownie points from the girls I go out with. Just wondering what you guys do/don't do?
I do the same. I don't mind being a gentlemen, at all. I don't do it for brownie points, but yes, it seems to set you apart from the others. Sometimes I don't even think about it when it's happening. Second nature I suppose.
Open doors, hat off, etc. On occasion, I've even stood when she left the table! Sometimes, I swear I should have been alive in the '20's. lol
I do it for old folk too though.
What has always seemed to shock the women I've dated, was that it didn't stop after the first few weeks, like it was something I did to woo them. It's just the way I am. It really isn't a task to open the car door for a woman. It's not because the inside passenger door handle in the Jeep is broken either. lol
Alot of guys are going to jump on here and call us suckers though. I won't loose sleep over it.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
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I wouldn't do it just because she's a lady...like as for the car door thing, not something I would generally do unless there was reason for it (say her hands were full). I'd be courteous and helpful, but only as a matter of principle.
To me chivalry is just the other side of chauvinism. Both suggest that women are somehow weaker or more helpless. She's old and strong enough to pull out her own chair, why should I say walk around the table just to do it just because she has two X chromosomes? Do I expect her to let me do the ordering, too? If not, why one thing and not the other? If you wanna do it, so be it, I'm not gonna call you a 'sucker.' If it gets you what you want, all the better for you.
I wouldn't do it just because she's a lady...like as for the car door thing, not something I would generally do unless there was reason for it (say her hands were full). I'd be courteous and helpful, but only as a matter of principle.
To me chivalry is just the other side of chauvinism. Both suggest that women are somehow weaker or more helpless. She's old and strong enough to pull out her own chair, why should I say walk around the table just to do it just because she has two X chromosomes? Do I expect her to let me do the ordering, too? If not, why one thing and not the other? If you wanna do it, so be it, I'm not gonna call you a 'sucker.' If it gets you what you want, all the better for you.
I guess I never thought I was doing it because I thought she was weak. I suppose, I don't have any good reasons for doing it. I don't jump across a table to seat her, and she can order her own damn food. lol If we're both standing at the table though, yeah, I'll pull out her chair before I sit.
I'm generally like this inside and outside of dating though. It goes for everyone. It could be my mom, grandma, grandpa, lady /man at the mall who's going thru a door after me. If they're close enough to me that I figure the door should be held, I do it.
I'm not really seeking any gains from it. To me it's just....I dunno, polite.
I guess I never thought I was doing it because I thought she was weak. I suppose, I don't have any good reasons for doing it. I don't jump across a table to seat her, and she can order her own damn food. lol If we're both standing at the table though, yeah, I'll pull out her chair before I sit.
I'm generally like this inside and outside of dating though. It goes for everyone. It could be my mom, grandma, grandpa, lady /man at the mall who's going thru a door after me. If they're close enough to me that I figure the door should be held, I do it.
I'm not really seeking any gains from it. To me it's just....I dunno, polite.
I'm the same way as you, it's just kind of instilled in me. I do usually order for the girls I'm dating, but not usually on a first date.
Holding a door is pretty standard practice if someone is walking behind you, you hold it an extra second.. but on a date you should hold the door and let the girl walk through first. At least it's what I do. :P
I don't see it as anyone being helpless, I see it as a way to treat the girl you're with. No one I've ever gone out with has complained to me. I guess I was asking here because of how surprised a lot of them seem, like no one does it for them.. it kind of made me surprised.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
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Quote:
Originally Posted by burgler09
I'm the same way as you, it's just kind of instilled in me. I do usually order for the girls I'm dating, but not usually on a first date.
[b]Holding a door is pretty standard practice if someone is walking behind you, you hold it an extra second.. but on a date you should hold the door and let the girl walk through first.[B/] At least it's what I do. :P
I don't see it as anyone being helpless, I see it as a way to treat the girl you're with. No one I've ever gone out with has complained to me. I guess I was asking here because of how surprised a lot of them seem, like no one does it for them.. it kind of made me surprised.
Well, yes, that's expected of you. It'd be pretty rude if you just let the door slam in the face of the person behind you . But it's the holding it open and letting her go before you that would stick out. It is getting less common these days, so that's why these women are surprised when you do it. I'm curious now as to whether these practices are more common in other cultures/countries.
I have to say, as a woman, none of this stuff appeals to me. These are all things that were started when women were considered the weaker sex in mind and body and often were so encumbered by their clothing they could not do certain things for themselves. I'm 36, have lived alone most of my life, and I take care of myself just fine.
Getting the door for me (it's fine when it's just part of the natural flow of things, but when you have to run ahead or make a big show of it, then it's just weird) or pulling out my chair is just going to interrupt the rhythm of my actions - as in, I get the door and the chair for myself any other time. It just trips me up, because all of a sudden, I have to think about going about what would normally be a sort of automatic process. (I have severe ADD, so this is a bigger deal than you might think.) And ordering for me? Oh hells no. I like to develop a rapport with my server, and I often have specific questions or requests regarding my food. (I have, however, had a few dates request that I order for THEM on occasions when we had gone to restaurants where they were not familiar with the type of cuisine.)
I'm not saying I don't want a man who takes care of me (as I would take care of him), but this stuff isn't useful to me, and doesn't necessarily demonstrate thoughtfulness. If you want to demonstrate your regard, concern and care for me, make me a cup of tea when I come over your house, offer to cook me a meal on a weeknight when you know I've got deadlines, offer to come over and fix my wonky door jamb - be useful, pay attention to what's really going on in my life, and establish a presence there. Because that's what I'm going to be doing from my end too.
I do it, always have. Hard to open car door when they jump out as soon as you do, though. lol
I've had a few say they can do it themselves. I never saw them again. Major turn off for me. Maybe it was the way they said it or something, but I didn't call them back.
Works both ways, if a woman doesn't show manners then it's time to punt. I'm old school, so be it. Who I am not gonna change. and I don't expect a woman to change either.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by burgler09
When I was a kid, I was always raised "how to treat a lady" from my mom. For the girls I go out with, I always open car doors for them, open every door, pull out the chair and let them sit first etc.
People say it's something that is dying, but I always score brownie points from the girls I go out with. Just wondering what you guys do/don't do?
Personally I don't consider myself very chivlarious. Let's just say you'd really have to me off for me not to hold the door for you. I really wasn't raised on how to treat a lady other than the obvious "no means no and treat them with respect" lessons. I'd probably subscribe to JrzDefector's brand of thoughtfulness. I'd make a girl dinner if I knew she had a bad week at work, etc.
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. But it's the holding it open and letting her go before you that would stick out. It is getting less common these days, so that's why these women are surprised when you do it. I'm curious now as to whether these practices are more common in other cultures/countries.
me off for me not to hold the door for you. I really wasn't raised on how to treat a lady other than the obvious "no means no and treat them with respect" lessons. I'd probably subscribe to JrzDefector's brand of thoughtfulness. I'd make a girl dinner if I knew she had a bad week at work, etc.