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There are so many conversations about how chivalry is for men who put women on pedestals on the boards here. Or how “feminism” killed chivalry, so I thought I’d share some perspective.
The topic of chivalry came up with a few friends the other day, after I was recapping a recent online date, who sent mixed signals (off topic for this thread). Anyway, I was impressed that he had crossed over into what I’ll deem as tier 2 chivalry:
Tier 1: the basics
Opening doors
Letting the woman go first (ordering, sitting down)
Making sure she gets home safely
Tier 2: super old-school
Walking on the outside (curb side)
Dropping you off at the front, then parking the car
Helping you with your coat/jacket
**I am sure there are more examples, but these are top of mind.
Anyway, in this audience of liberated women (and perhaps armchair feminists), profiled as educated and financially independent, were all in agreement about chivalry.
Basically, even though we are all well aware we can take care of ourselves, but when men are chivalrous it makes us feel like we are appreciated and worthy of special care. That’s it. It is basically like a warm fuzzy.
It isn’t about paying or equity or anything else, just a simple sign that someone cares about your well being.
My take is that I would rather chat with my partner/date than stand by the front door waiting for him while he parked. I have a hard time imagining what could be more awkward than applying two people to the one person job of coat removal.
Basically, even though we are all well aware we can take care of ourselves, but when men are chivalrous it makes us feel like we are appreciated and worthy of special care. That’s it. It is basically like a warm fuzzy.
It isn’t about paying or equity or anything else, just a simple sign that someone cares about your well being.
What’s your take?
I guess that's the reason why I like that "chivalry" sometimes. But I hardly find it necessary to keep doing those things every day. Sure, it's nice when a guy opens the door for me, but I also open doors for people. It's awkward to just let the door close on someone. I don't always order first in a restaurant and I certainly don't expect my boyfriend to pay for me every time.
To me, those little gestures are less about chivalry or expectations but more what you said -- it shows they care. And I like it when my boyfriend shows me he cares. He can do that in a number of other ways that don't involve opening doors.
The concept of chivalry is just as outdated as the idea of a woman's place as being in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant, not being allowed to drive or vote, and not being allowed to handle the home finances.
Hasn't the whole point of liberation been about rising above antiquated traditions in favor of individual power? Should that not also apply to men?
Super Old=School: finding out what she wants, then ordering for her.
Does anyone have a preference between these two? I don't care if I order 1st or if he goes 1st, but I hate it when someone orders for me. I like to interact with the wait staff, ask questions, chat. That's part of the fun of going out to eat.
Another Super Old-School item: the guy always driving, and filling the gas for you. Do people still do that? In some European countries, the men insist that anything car-related is men's stuff.
Super Old-School: carrying any packages or luggage for the woman, even small luggage.
I love it when men act chivalrously. It shows that they have good manners. I also love to cook and bake things for people and do other nice things. And my girlfriends and I also open doors for each other and such.
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