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Imagine that you meet a guy who has recently broken up with his gf. You talk a lot and get to know each other. You start to like each other more then friends and you both feel attraction to the other person. You know that they guy just came out from a long term relationship and your mind tells you that you shouldn't get involved with him but you haven't even realized it and you are already emotionally attached to him more then you would want to under these circumstances.
You start being together and finally start having sex. OK, a bit too soon, one might say but it's all great. You know his situation so you don't have too big expectations (yet), you are just being realistic while enjoying the moment and waiting to see how the situation evolves. It lasts a couple of weeks and then the guy dumps you and gets back to his ex, even though he told you at he beginning that he had been thinking about breaking up with her for a long time and that he was finally ready to make the right decision about splitting up with her.
Now that he's back with her, he starts ignoring you, well, talks to you every now and then when he sees you but that's all. His gf knows that you were seeing each other and sleeping with each other but she forgives him and begs him to come back to her, which he does as he still loves her and believes that she will change/already has changed.
You are devastated but you kind of realize that he loves her and used you only as a rebound - silly you! You learn it the hard way that he loves her A LOT! and would do anything for her and forgive her everything, even though he said he was really sick and tired of her behaving in a "*****y" - as he said - way. Some weeks later you have a long chat with the guy and he tells you that things between him and his gf are better now, that he's still not sure about how it'll work and that she is trying and things are better now and that he hopes she's not pretending and that things won't get back to how they were before they broke up. You are still kind of surprised that a guy, and apologies to all they guys reading it, but I'm talking from my personal experience, can be FAITHFUL again to that girl and REALLY is not planning to cheat on her and even if a super hot girl stood there in front of him, he wouldn't even touch her!!! (So far I didn't have a situation like that, where a guy is really faithful even or maybe I should say especially when his gf isn't watching).
Then your period is late, you do the test and everything looks like you are pregnant. The guy finds out, even though you were planning NOT to tell him. He says that he's not happy with the situation and "suggests" that you do what's the best for everyone - read for him - and not have that baby saying that he will NOT get involved in this in any way. Few days later you talk again, he tells you that he was thinking about it and that if you decide to have that baby, which he still doesn't want, he wouldn't be able not to get involved in it.
Then he comes back to you again, raising a bit his voice while talking to you and explaining once again to make sure you didn't MISUNDERSTOOD him, how ****ty this situation is to him and that - now let me put it plain - she means a lot to him and he wants to be with her so he doesn't want to be involved in any way in all that "****ty baby situation" and if you decide to have it, he will NOT be a part of it. All in all, even though you knew his opinion about this, you are shocked how mean he turns out to be, basically telling you how he doesn't give a **** about you and that if he has to choose between his happiness (with her) and you (not being with you, but getting involved in the whole situation even in the slightest way!) he chooses his gf.
... Now OK, I know nothing is black or white and people are not only good or bad... I'm really trying to understand his point of view and his situation but his outbreak of verbal violence and hostility is just shocking. Not to mention how badly he makes you feel by that. You just feel used, which OK, maybe you kind of asked for it yourself by being silly and letting yourself to be his rebound, but you definitely didn't deserve to be treated like you are totally worthless!
Please, help me with understanding that! Is his behaviour wrong or is it me? Don't know what to think or do?
What happened, was there a BC fail, or just plain recklessness?
He's not the one who gets to decide that he won't have anything to do with that. The Social Security and welfare offices have their own opinion. You and they are the deciders.
But I think that understanding his behavior is the lesser of your worries right now. Have you decided how you're going to handle the pregnancy?
We were careful - we thought so :-(
No, I haven't decided yet. Still haven't got used to the situation.
I feel so used now! he's reaction was like a huge slap in the face.
He's freaking out, because he doesn't want to lose the woman he's with, and he doesn't need something like this blowing up in his face. He's desperately trying to sweep you under the rug.
It could be a false alarm. Get an appointment with a GYN. Once you've seen a doctor, you'll have options, if it's positive. If you need a free doc, look up Planned Parenthood.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 12-13-2012 at 05:44 PM..
What would I do? Definitely not have that baby. And I would go no contact with that loser and forget the whole horrible experience. Oh. And totally rethink my bc methods!
He's afraid the pregnancy is going to mess up his relationship with his gf, so he blames you for it. Child support may be part of it as it won't be easy to hide it from her. Whatever you decide to do, make sure he at least gives financial support as he is equally responsible as you.
We were careful - we thought so :-(
No, I haven't decided yet. Still haven't got used to the situation.
I feel so used now! he's reaction was like a huge slap in the face.
Careful? How were you careful?
You didn't answer the question.
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