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I don't think my husband and I are necessarily always the dominant or the submissive. It really depends on the area in question. He's more dominant when it comes to financial matters, home maintenance, large purchases (property, cars, boats..etc) and more submissive when it comes to making decisions about the kids, running the household or choosing a vacation destination.
We balance eachother well.
At works he's a leader in his position and he sets the expectations, tone and pace at his job.
I'm more of a follower at work and much more flexible and agreeable that he would be.
I would say that this describes my wife and I quite nicely. There are some areas where she takes the lead and others that I do. But even in areas in which one of takes the lead, we often solicit the input of the other. We are pretty good at making decisions together.
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Originally Posted by UnexpectedError
And can a person who tends to be dominant in a relationship be a generally submissive person in life? Or is how we relate to others the same whether we are on a date or in the office?
To this I say, yes. My wife has a close friend whose husband is a good example. In life he is a complete yes man. Can't say no to anyone. I've seen him cancel plans with his family because someone has asked him for help with something else. It's good to be a friend like that, but you have to be a family man, too. And he doesn't help because he wants to, he helps because he doesn't know how to tell someone "no." But at home it is another story completely. He makes every decision, even restricting what his wife can wear. Ridiculous. He makes decisions, then announcements. In other words, he decides without her, then lets her know what he has decided.
He has grown steadily worse over the years. He was actually close to sane when we met. I feel bad for his wife.
Neither of us is "dominant" or "submissive" at this point in our marriage. We argue over decisions, and at the end there is some sort of compromise. Nobody gets 100% of what they want. It's messier than one person calling the shots and the other giving in resentfully, but it makes for a better marriage, IMO.
I'm single but in agreement with Chow, Sixy, Baldrick and iknwftbll.
Look, in a balanced relationship, you complement each other. The partner with the appropriate skills/knowledge/whatever steps to the fore in moments when they are needed. Ultimately the decision making in a particular area is done by the person with the appropriate skills/knowledge/whatever. Maybe one person in the couple is "taking control" in a manner of speaking more often than the other one, but the point is that no one's keeping score and each recognizes when the other's skills/knowledge/whatever are called for and has no problem stepping into the background. Nothing's going to be 50-50, but it's more about removing the ego from the scenario and recognizing one's own and one's partner's strengths and limitations.
I don't really think alpha/beta has anything to do with it. It's more an issue of maturity, imho.
Oh yeah, and compromise, as forum_browser pointed out. Most of the time it's not going to be anyone making a decision, but a negotiation between two equal parties.
I'm single but in agreement with Chow, Sixy, Baldrick and iknwftbll.
Look, in a balanced relationship, you complement each other. The partner with the appropriate skills/knowledge/whatever steps to the fore in moments when they are needed. Ultimately the decision making in a particular area is done by the person with the appropriate skills/knowledge/whatever. Maybe one person in the couple is "taking control" in a manner of speaking more often than the other one, but the point is that no one's keeping score and each recognizes when the other's skills/knowledge/whatever are called for and has no problem stepping into the background. Nothing's going to be 50-50, but it's more about removing the ego from the scenario and recognizing one's own and one's partner's strengths and limitations.
I don't really think alpha/beta has anything to do with it. It's more an issue of maturity, imho.
Oh yeah, and compromise, as forum_browser pointed out. Most of the time it's not going to be anyone making a decision, but a negotiation between two equal parties.
Yeah, I think you hit it right with the ego part. I don't think either one of us is better per se, I think it's just one may be stronger in a certain area is all...
Hang on... That's you, me, Sixy and Chow'.. hmm.... That would mean there are happy, well adjusted and working couples in the world!
More than that it means there's at least 4 on CD! We are freaks, there's no getting away with it, happy, complementing couples on here?.. who'd have thunk it.
It's quite a shock isn't it!
Hopefully we can hold down the fort until reinforcements arrive!
It's been my experience that alpha males and alpha females get along better than alpha males and female betas...or beta males and alpha females...
The first thing you've got to realize is that alphas don't really have a choice as to whether they are one or not. They do so because they don't know how else to be. For example, one of the alphas I know, he isn't really attractive, he isn't really smart, and really, he isn't much of anything. Yet, because of all this, he has to be aggressive, he wouldn't get any play otherwise. And truthfully, if you realize how hard he works for everything he has, you'll end up respecting him despite all of his superficial faults..
Secondly, alpha males are completely different from alpha females. It's kind of necessary because the alpha female tempers the male a bit...grounds him. Where the male is aggressive, the alpha female is more passive.
Thirdly, being alpha in the relationship isn't the same as being alpha in real life. Most men who choose dominant positions in the relationship aren't dominant outside of it.
Fourthly, don't have the "Am I alpha?" conversation with your girl...keep far away from that.
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