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Friends first is a fine idea in theory, and it seems to work quite well for many women. However, it often fails in practice for men. The reason is simple: most single, desirable women are being pursued by more than one man at any given time. If a man takes it slow, if he tries to be friends first, he will usually end up being pushed aside by another man who is more aggressive. You say the best relationship you ever had went on for 6 months before anything happened? That's great. I am glad it worked out for you. But as men, we usually learn the hard way we just don't have that much time.
Not only that, but she just might not like him for whatever reason. Then, he has invested feelings into the matter and the end result is bad.
Seems like most people go on a few dates to determine whether someone is right for them or not. Well I must be in the minority in that I must be friends with someone first before I know whether we're compatible enough to date because I think a few dates can't tell you too much about someone. Yes you get to know them as you date but it makes it too awkward for me because I'll have expectations and have anxiety about who else they're seeing or if they like me or where is this going? Whereas with friends, it takes the pressure off and I won't really care if they're seeing other people. One of the best relationship I've been in was when we were just friends for 6 months before anything happened. Yes we flirted and it was obvious we liked each other, and we were going out as friends, but it wasn't until one day when I was having dinner by myself that I wanted to have dinner with them when I realized I wanted to date them. I had another bf at that time too so of course I didn't think I wanted to date him until it was too late and the feelings had sunk in. How am I supposed to survive in today's dating world if I view dating as blah until we become friends, but most people, once they're in the friend zone, they don't want to date anymore. I need to have a strong connection with someone before I even think we should be dating. That might be why in the past I usually jump from one to two real dates to someone's girlfriend because we already knew each other. But it doesn't work that way with normal people. I seem to work the opposite as most people nowadays.
I'm sure you are as long as you weren't paying for the dates. Im sure you you loved eating those meals without giving up sex. Do you tell them this prior
Just do what works for you. All that matters is the results and you feel comfortable. Anything else would just be arguing semantics and anecdotal examples.
Best advice from Jaybird.
Dating is not easy, Lots of expectations, mixed messages barring straightforward communication. I said some time ago that dating sucks due to this. A necessary activity though for those looking for someone and like everything in life, not guaranteed to end to one's satisfaction.
Friends first is a fine idea in theory, and it seems to work quite well for many women. However, it often fails in practice for men. The reason is simple: most single, desirable women are being pursued by more than one man at any given time. If a man takes it slow, if he tries to be friends first, he will usually end up being pushed aside by another man who is more aggressive. You say the best relationship you ever had went on for 6 months before anything happened? That's great. I am glad it worked out for you. But as men, we usually learn the hard way we just don't have that much time.
I beg to differ. The more aggressive ones chase me away because they put too much pressure on me. It makes me,wonder if they'll push me,into marriage and other things I wasn't ready for or things I didn't agree on.
I beg to differ. The more aggressive ones chase me away because they put too much pressure on me. It makes me,wonder if they'll push me,into marriage and other things I wasn't ready for or things I didn't agree on.
For serious? You're afraid someone is going to intimidate you into marriage?
Friends first is a fine idea in theory, and it seems to work quite well for many women. However, it often fails in practice for men. The reason is simple: most single, desirable women are being pursued by more than one man at any given time. If a man takes it slow, if he tries to be friends first, he will usually end up being pushed aside by another man who is more aggressive. You say the best relationship you ever had went on for 6 months before anything happened? That's great. I am glad it worked out for you. But as men, we usually learn the hard way we just don't have that much time.
If a woman likes you romantically, she'll either wait for you or start dropping hints/making moves. If she actually likes you, she won't let some other dude swoop in and 'snatch her up'. It doesn't work that way...if she starts dating some other guy, she wasn't that into you.
I really like the guy I'm seeing now. We've gone on... 5 dates I believe and I've stayed the night at his place (on the couch, of course... we got really into a board game and I missed the train home) and we've only kissed once. No other guy is going to swoop in and grab me up because I'm interested in HIM regardless of how long it takes us to to progress in our 'relationship'.
If she likes you, she'll wait or make a move. If she's eh about you, she'll date other guys.
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All that matters is the results and you feel comfortable. Anything else would just be arguing semantics and anecdotal examples.
