For those of you who won't date single parents (marriage, man, kids)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Why are kids a deal-breaker for you? I notice this more with men who won't date single mothers, although it can happen with women not dating single dads as well. Is it because the kids themselves drive you nuts and you don't like having them around? Or is it for financial reasons, because you fear that your significant other would guilt you into helping financially support a kid who is not yours? Or is there some other reason i have not thought of?
I am happily married and before I met my husband I did date someone who was a "single father". I can tell you that if I would ever enter the dating world again, I would not date anyone with children.
This is more so true of women than men, but when someone has a child you will ALWAYS be second on the list. If a decision comes down to you or the kid, the kid will win 100 percent of the time. The kids feelings are always considered over yours. It was not true of my situation, but men who date single mothers are expected to finance "their" (the mother's) children without question, but they are NOT allowed to discipline or otherwise criticize how the children are raised.
It's just not a good situation, no matter how you look at it.
I wont date a single dad, not because I don't like kids, I love kids. I just don't want to deal with possible drama with the mom and what if the kid(s) don't like me?
One thing I will never understand is when people will say that someone must hate kids if they don't want to deal with single parents. I like kids, I just don't like the drama that the parents bring with them to relationships. While there are some relationships that work out with single parents, the majority I have encountered have drama.
A few years ago I never dated nor would I date a single mom, mostly cause should the relationship go somewhere I selfishly wanted both of us to give the other our first child, and to not have that experience w/ anyone else. Well a few years ago I dated my first single mom of 1 and I learned a lot both good and bad.
A year after that split up I took it a giant step further and began dating a single mom of 3, all I asked was that there not be any baby daddy drama. Well I married this woman and as soon as that happened the kids fathers all became issues none paying support 2 of which caused holliday issues etc.
So I think I learned I'm not cut out for being w/ single moms, unless that single mom baby daddy died or lives in Alaska etc...
This is something people don't pay enough attention to. It happens quite often. When a baby daddy realizes that his child's mother is dating a new guy, he feels that his fatherly responsibilities are over. You ultimately walked into a bigger father role than expected.
Kids really do change things for people. Being a step parent is not easy, because you can be held hostage by the antics of the child's father or mother. It's not fun and it's a lot of added stress in the relationship. These days, you just don't see a lot of divorced parents that show respect to each other and their children, because those parents are likely still married to each other.
I ran into this exact problem w/ my wife, I was allowed to raise/discipline the youngest child casue in my mind she was trying to replace the dead beat father, the other 2 I wasn't really allowed to discipline and my wife basically had zero parentling skills aside from loving her children she was a bad mom....eeek I know and I honestly thought can I have a kid w/ this woman and her talk to our kids that way, even though she swore that would never happen.
Fact is single parents are damaged goods and have gone pretty much as far as they are going to go in life. like my wife she's mad at the world for her poor choices and everyone must pay the price, I even told her at our split that Ill look you up in 10yrs and we'll see how your life compares to now.
I don't think they are damaged goods at all, but I do believe that the road is much harder for them to travel. Many single parents lose track of their dreams, because they are taking care of someone who doesn't understand that someone else's needs are important too. That's why I always wore condoms and made sure the women I was with used some type of contraception as well, because I have seen how difficult single parent life is with my Mom. It's something I don't want for myself and I'm on the fence about having kids in the first place.
I am a single mum my sons two, after knowing his father for 12 years he decided to take off which is fine that's his choice. I didn't ask for help financially from him as I. Perfectly fine on my own.
My son as never ment another guy as I haven't dated I'm 25. It would be easy to keep them both separate its all about balance. As for the financial aspect, I would never expect or want a man to pay for my child he is my responsibility.
As for saying its a bad judgement that's not true how can you know that someone will up and go? You can't possibly know that.
I do think older guys are more accepting than younger guys as they're not mature enough to deal with the responsibility of having a child look up to them for guidance and support.
I think for many it's not a matter of not fully dating single parents, but more how they handle the situation and how involved their ex is. There's a lot of factors to consider.
I was initially against single parents, but realizing my dating pool of 32-45 was likely to include a lot of single fathers, I was keeping an open mind.
However after talking to a few I realized I had a lot more questions to consider than I would a person without kids. Such as:
Is the ex still in the picture? Was the break an amicable one or is this going to be a volatile situation where she won't want me around her kids?
Are the finances in such an order where you can afford to date? Granted, I'm not talking fancy dinners, but if you're so financially strapped I have to come out of my pocket most of the time to cover for us, I'm going to think twice, kids or no kids.
How much of a lead time do you need to go out? I prefer to be spontaneous at times, and sometimes kids can prevent that big time.
What is the relationship with the kids? I've known some guys who were rarely in contact with their kids, which to me is kind of a red flag.
I think for a lot of people, relationships are sometimes hard enough, especially in the getting to know you phase of things as it is. Adding kids into the picture just makes things a little more complicated than they would like.
I think some parents are damaged goods just like some childless people are as well. I wouldn't say all single parents are damaged.
That's a horrible thing to say!!
I am certainly not damaged good!! How rude!! Sometimes the situation is taken out of our hands. How can we stop the idiotic men who walk out on their child? Thats not a choice we have.
I would say anyone who is a good single parent are doing amazing because its tough. But we do it because we love them unconditionally there's no better feeling than your kid coming up to you have giving you a hug and kiss because they love you. Only a real man could be a part of that.
I think for many it's not a matter of not fully dating single parents, but more how they handle the situation and how involved their ex is. There's a lot of factors to consider.
I was initially against single parents, but realizing my dating pool of 32-45 was likely to include a lot of single fathers, I was keeping an open mind.
However after talking to a few I realized I had a lot more questions to consider than I would a person without kids. Such as:
Is the ex still in the picture? Was the break an amicable one or is this going to be a volatile situation where she won't want me around her kids?
Are the finances in such an order where you can afford to date? Granted, I'm not talking fancy dinners, but if you're so financially strapped I have to come out of my pocket most of the time to cover for us, I'm going to think twice, kids or no kids.
How much of a lead time do you need to go out? I prefer to be spontaneous at times, and sometimes kids can prevent that big time.
What is the relationship with the kids? I've known some guys who were rarely in contact with their kids, which to me is kind of a red flag.
I think for a lot of people, relationships are sometimes hard enough, especially in the getting to know you phase of things as it is. Adding kids into the picture just makes things a little more complicated than they would like.
Best post here. You cover it all. The biggest issue is an ex who will ALWAYS be in the picture, and who you may not want to see or interact with.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
