Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
'Cold approach' is different from 'getting to know her a little' is different from 'being friends first'.
Cold approach is just based primarily on looks. Period.
Getting to know her is a better, because some of the maybes will take you on and give you a shot.
Being friends first means seeing her as a blank slate until you discover the good things about her and fall for her that way. I highly discourage that method for average men because not only is it low odds, it leads to frustration and resentment.
You can get maybes to say yes during the friends first stage too, but the odds are so low for most guys. Maybe a 1 in 30 chance. But when you are going through more women, that number seems more achievable.
When I advice to a male friend to be friends with a girl he likes I mean "get to know her and spend time with her... not too much, but not too little....but of course, if you like her don't hide your feelings, don't stalk her but don't hide your feelings".
And everytime I hear or read this advice I take it this way, and so should every male who wants to approach a girl they don't know. So, PLEASE, PLEASE...PLEASE don't spend one year being a girl's friend just to say you love her without her knowing anything about it.
Maybe it was on here I've heard this before but here goes anyhow.
Is it better to start off as friends when looking for a relationship or find someone seeking a relationship themselves? I would think that starting off as friends could ruin said friendship if the relationship went south.
I have dated and had relations with women I was friends first with.
But it was never planned that way. One time a friend and his gf introduced me to someone to set us up, but we wound up being just friends.
That was in high school, and we actually wound up dating seriously about 15 years later.
But every time it has happened with me, it wasnt planned. Although I may have found the woman physically attractive, I was never secretly pining for her. Most of the time, I meet these women through friends, AS FRIENDS, and time goes by, we get to know each other, we happen to be single around the same time, and something happens.
Not to dig myself a hole, but when I was youngish, say 16-21-ish, I actually fumbled a good handful of dating ops with women I was friends first.
These days everyone I date is a newb. And typically from a dating website.
Does dating friends work? IME, they were usually better than dating a random. But since I knew them more than some random, I was able to see them in their natural state, as opposed to the first meet/first date type impressions.
However, I am single, so nome of them worked in the long run. But I did appreciate those relationships.
The key to all of it is to be a genuine friend. It's not like being a snake lieing in the brush waiting to go after prey. These things just kind of happen naturally when timing is (or isnt) right. Not only that, but women can usually tell if a guy friend is infatuated in her. So if you are crushing on your friend, it is extremely likely she or her friends will notice it, even if you try to play it cool.
When I advice to a male friend to be friends with a girl he likes I mean "get to know her and spend time with her... not too much, but not too little....but of course, if you like her don't hide your feelings, don't stalk her but don't hide your feelings".
And everytime I hear or read this advice I take it this way, and so should every male who wants to approach a girl they don't know. So, PLEASE, PLEASE...PLEASE don't spend one year being a girl's friend just to say you love her without her knowing anything about it.
THIS is exactly what I mean (and I think most mean) when they say be her friend first. Like I said, maybe it's a bad choice of words if it's misunderstood.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AverageGuy2006
I have dated and had relations with women I was friends first with.
But it was never planned that way...
Yep, and again, same here when I say "intent." Sometimes you just happen to start dating a friend, it wasn't really intentional but it's exactly like what you wrote. But it can and does happen. The man I am dating now was a friend of mine for years and we both just happened to be single at the same time...
I agree that people should go into a friendship thinking it will become a relationship. I'm thinking more along the lines of "we like each other but now friends is best" or "they are cool to hang out with".
Maybe it was on here I've heard this before but here goes anyhow.
Is it better to start off as friends when looking for a relationship or find someone seeking a relationship themselves? I would think that starting off as friends could ruin said friendship if the relationship went south.
By default, if it's truly a platonic friendship, there's zero romantic interest in the first place.
I think its a waste of time and energy to try to be friends first. If it just happens to work out that way, great, but don't go trying to make it happen.
Why not? Maybe the woman will fall for us one day after realizing that the other men don't treat her nice.
Hahahaha!
Funny.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I would think that starting off as friends could ruin said friendship if the relationship went south.
