Wife lied about birth control, pregnant, advice? (marriage, woman, love)
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Ok, long story but lets see if i can abstract it.
9 Years ago my wife and I married and had a daughter. OK! I joined the Army, stopped being lazy and became very ambitious and hard working. Wife not so ambitious but it is not a flaw as I see it, just who she is. Daughter 2 is conceived after my 2nd deployment, I am injured, retired out of the Army. I go to school now, and I am doing really well. I work hard for my family and my time and energy is stretched thin. This year was supposed to be MY year, where I could be a little selfish: Columbia University, Paris in the summer with the family, both kids semi self-reliant, almost debtless. Well, my wife stops taking birth control and tells me she is taking it, and I did ask, many times, she is now pregnant. Is she holding me back? Should I be angry? Am I being selfish? My wife has been given everything her entire life and has never worked hard for anything, when she makes a mess of something, someone else cleans it up. I always try to blame myself for everything because once you blame someone else, you make yourself a victim, and nothings ever your fault again. "I should have gotten the vasectomy" is what I said to myself, but she told me not to. I know that she does not want another child, but she forgot to re-up her birth control for a couple months. Here is the difficulty: I can be happy with her and my "3"! children, and I can still be successful and see the world, but that type of irresponsible behavior will persist if I just work harder to overcome roadblocks. I want to see the world, and I want my daughters to see the world and to know that America isn't everything there is to know, and my wife doesn't seem to want that. This might explain my situation, my wife wants to travel, but doesn't save money or make money to travel, and when she gets to where she wanted to go, its not to learn and enjoy the people and absorb the culture, but to go to a cool place, take pictures, and brag about it on Facebook. Someone tell me I am just being whiny, and if I didn't want another child, I shouldn't have relied on another.
She lied, we ALL lie, hers just has a greater impact, does that make her lie worse? I do not need a paternity test, I am perfectly confident that she has not cheated on me, that I wouldn't want to know anyway, and I would still take care of the child.
It seems this type of deceit from woman is becoming more and more commonplace. It absolutely outrages me. My pet peeve has always been lying and deception, but this type is worse because you are creating life haphazardly. I'd be outraged. This type of deception in a marriage is just another reason why I feel marriage is antiquated. You think you know someone...
Should you be angry? Hell yes! I would personally divorce her for this behavior. This is not a white lie, it's HUGE and will impact your life forever. It also speaks volumes about her character, or lack thereof. Any woman that would do this is beneath contempt, sorry. And I say this from the perspective of being a woman myself.
Damn. I'm sorry. I'm not going to try to drive a wedge between you and your wife but I fully understand the shock of realizing you are resetting the clock.
Our daughters are a year and a half apart, then there's a gap of more than seven years, then a son. Our oldest graduates school next year but there are still 10+ years left on our boy. On the other hand, he is a darling boy and my husband was over the moon to have a son too. He was unplanned. If your wife lied and sabotaged your efforts, that's pretty major.
You're not whiny. She lied big time...this is a whopper. Other humans are involved so it really seems very selfish of her to do that. I honestly can't believe she did such a thing...I can see forgetting one or two days of taking the pills, but months? I think there's something else...is she manipulative? I don't want to make bad or wrong assumptions about her, but that was beyond the line. I imagine you love her...do you like her? Does she do sneaky little things often (even though this is a huge sneaky thing)? I don't know how you proceed but I'd like to see you take control...if this is your year, maybe you can still accomplish most of the things on your list. You sound like you love your kids, too, and I totally agree with your idea to share the world with them. Perhaps Mama can stay home with the infant while you take your other kids to Paris. IDK, good luck to...I can't believe she did that...that's just crazy.
She lied, we ALL lie, hers just has a greater impact, does that make her lie worse? I do not need a paternity test, I am perfectly confident that she has not cheated on me, that I wouldn't want to know anyway, and I would still take care of the child.
Ha, well, if you're going to justify her actions by saying "we ALL lie" then that's your problem but if someone lied to me about something of such magnitude I'd be right pis*ed... I thought your post was written because you're upset that she blatantly lied to you and basically got pregnant because SHE wanted to regardless of what she thought about your plans and your feelings. However, if you think that's not a reason to have a serious talk with her and take a serious look at your relationship, then I guess your post is more about concerns regarding different travel styles to which I say: suck it up or don't travel together.
The traveling parallel was meant to be an allusion to her consumerist mentality and show our differences in how we go about life. It was a bad parallel and rereading it only seems deprecative and doesn't help understanding of the situation that much.
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