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How do you keep your relationship alive? I have been with my BD for 5 years now and we have 3 kids together and our relationship is definitely losing spark. Before we had kids we were very in tune with one another and we loved being together. After the first kid we were still a good match. However, when the second kid came along things started fading. Now with the third kid we are basically to the point where we are dried up. I know married people deal with each other for 20+ year but how do they manage to keep the relationship alive especially when kids are involved?
3 kids will suck the spark out of a lot relationships. Only people who are truly dedicated and committed (no matter what) will make it through (or those who just ignore their problems).
Relationships require work. You can't just sit back and hope things are going to be magical. What have you tried? What has he tried?
Hmm. I think the question is more of what haven't we tried. We have an okay sex life not like the beginning but passable. (bondage, role playing, ect..). Since having kids we don't get to go out much together (we go out separately). We work out together, we do things around the house together (interior design and trying new recipes)
Background
I am a work at home mom and full time student. He works 6 days a week 12 hours a day.
3 kids will suck the spark out of a lot relationships. Only people who are truly dedicated and committed (no matter what) will make it through (or those who just ignore their problems).
I have tried ignoring it and it definitely does not help.
I was implying that ignoring it is not a positive route to take.
I think what Bio was implying was what have you tried, as in therapy/counselling.
Oh okay. No we have not tried therapy/counselling. I have suggested counselling he said it was something he was open to but it never went anywhere. I brought this up after the second kid. Most guys are not open to it but I figured it wouldn't hurt to ask.
Oh okay. No we have not tried therapy/counselling. I have suggested counselling he said it was something he was open to but it never went anywhere. I brought this up after the second kid. Most guys are not open to it but I figured it wouldn't hurt to ask.
So it sounds like you haven't tried much of anything. How is your communication? Do you voice your concerns to him and is he receptive? Does he agree there are issues as well?
I have tried ignoring it and it definitely does not help.
IMO, "ignoring" is the worst possible therapy.
I also happen to think that always "going out separately" is a problem. Why not have a date night once a week? Also, a periodic vacation (even if just overnight at a local hotel) with just the 2 of you can do wonders. We do that and never leave the room. Do you have family members/babysitters for the kids?
It is important to make time for just the 2 of you - away from the kids, away from the demands of the house.
Also, it helps to be goofy and happy and creative with every day life (sometimes hard to do if you're not wired that way, some must make more of a conscious effort). This is what my hubby taught me. Home life doesn't need to be all serious and tedious. IMO it should be filled with joy and laughter and completely irrational and spontaneous behavior, like silly dancing while the dishes and laundry pile up. This life attitude keeps the sparks flying.
Sometimes it helps to minimize the value of some of those boring household chores - I mean the dirty laundry's not going anywhere. So I say try to live every moment to its fullest and most joyous. And that tends to be contagious.
How do you keep your relationship alive? I have been with my BD for 5 years now and we have 3 kids together and our relationship is definitely losing spark. Before we had kids we were very in tune with one another and we loved being together. After the first kid we were still a good match. However, when the second kid came along things started fading. Now with the third kid we are basically to the point where we are dried up. I know married people deal with each other for 20+ year but how do they manage to keep the relationship alive especially when kids are involved?
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