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instead she went to her friends house and told me to take care of my parents. Yeah, whatever hunny. ....
(she grabbed her wedding rings...) and got her and the kittens to safety.
4 years ago we had a similar firestorm and I volunteered to fight the fires. I was planning on doing the same this time, but my wife made me promise not to. ...
She said she's numb, she really doesn't feel any emotion towards me.
The "whatever" sounds to me like you are feeling some anger toward her--explore this, it could help you to clarify your feelings (itsounds like it's always about her feelings, what about yours?).
Could it be that the wedding rings represent monetary value?
Was the promise not to go fight the fires made 4 years ago? Is the emotion indicated by this request still alive?
Numb? No emotion? That's tough to absorb--and keep coming back...
It is always a good move to try to save a marriage by any and all reasonable means--as long as it doesn't involve prolonging an abusive relationship.
That said, we all deserve a partner who not only isn't numb to us, but to whom we mean more than anything on earth. Hang in there, lostsouls, it's never easy to navigate these waters; you are to be commended for being generous toward her...just don't forget to extend the same goodwill toward yourself.
Gee, she has her other friends around and suddenly you're Mr. Invisible.... Well sir, if you care enough you address this with her. Feels emotionless toward you??? Well then tell her to get bent and if you feel the internal need to help with the fires, tell her you're going and go. Maybe THAT will make her re-evaluate a bit.
I disagree with sassy on some level as I don't think you need to be a whipping post to prove a point. At some point your pride has to kick in and say enough is enough.... It doesn't take love to stand there and take backhanded verbal and emotional abuse which it sounds like you are....
Once again, I'm angry for you. Sounds like you're coming around though if you're realizing "you DON'T need this" and that you CAN survive without her. That's step 2 or 3 my man.....
IMO the way she's acting she doesn't deserve all that you're doing for her. Back WAY off and let her come to you this time IMO.
I agree with this post. If you act like her puppet, she will not respond. I would back off and live your life. Help with the fires if you want. Maybe she will see something in you she didn't see before. She's acting childish.
Well the internet is back online now. They disable DSL services during the day so the phone lines aren't overwhelmed.
Today was a good day. They contained and extinguished the closest fire to our home around 12 noon, putting us in temporary safety. There are still 7 fires out there burning, but the santa-ana winds have subsided and the firefighters have made significant progress in containing the blazes.
My wife wanted me to spend last night, so I did. We cudled in bed and fell asleep around 200 am. She got home from her friends house at 130 or so, and she was pooped. She got up at 700 and went to work for about two hours before they sent everyone home. We layed back down and fell asleep again only to be woken up by my cell phone ringing off the charger. I went to the video store and rented a movie, we watched it, and then I came back to my parents.
About two hours later she called me and asked me to come with her to the video store again and to the grocery store. I said sure, and she was already waiting in her car outside my parents (). We rented some scary movies and just got done watching one. I usually dont like scary movies, they give me weird dreams and nightmares, but my wife loves to be scared... I can say I wasn't scared at all by this particular movie while she was. An interesting role reversal. after the movie we had a smoke and she said "I'll let you go home to your parents, but expect to come back at some point tonight"... hmmm, ok.
Yesterday she told me one of the reasons she fell in love with me was my smartass mouth. She said that i had changed from being a smartass into a jackass (I know exactly what she means by this, My laconic humor began to overpower my sarcastic side, meaning I would make much more serious jokes that could be seen as hurtful even though they had not intended to be so).
She also said that she really wants to go home, and to be held by her mother and have her say everything will be alright. I'm starting to think she might need to do that - move home and live with her mother for awhile. There was a reason she didn't move to CT when her mother up and ran there. I know exactly why but will not elaborate here (let's just say they'll start to not get along so well after awhile).
anyways, I know most of what I need to change in my bad behavors, but it's up to her to change herself. I cant make her love me, I can only show her the person I am and my feelings for her.
anyways, it's been an even more stressful couple of days, so I'm run down. Gonna catch a nap here right quick. Ill catch you guys l8r .
Well she never called me last night, But instead called me this morning to come over and watch a movie. I went over and we watched a movie that she bought for me - transformers. During the visit we had some breakfast (which I fixed for her, even though she told me she feels lazy when I prepare her food for her, I did it anyways... I like to do it, and I like to do little things for her. I dont know if she appreciates it or feels like I am trying to control her... I'm only trying to be nice.).
We didn't talk about our relationship at all, but instead I took a more lively, upbeat tone and conducted myself with some mild sarcasm which enabled her to laugh.
I feel as though she cant let down her defenses with me because I've hurt her before - specifically when her mother left to go back home in august. She cried, because she misses her mother, and I didn't comfort her. I thought "oh god, here we go again" and felt she needed to grow up, so I didn't try to hold her or comfort her. I think she feels I hurt her by doing that, and now she thinks that will be the way I am forever. she is so dead wrong on that, but hopefully she'll realize it.
She did jump into my arms and I held her several times, both today and yesterday. I am still hopeful, but I still wonder what will happen if she does come back to me. It definately wont be the same... I believe I can trust her again, and I love her more then ever, so what am I worried about? I dont know.
Ill talk to you guys later.
oh, and everyone's houses are out of danger here. My sister's house is still standing and that fire is now extinguished.
Dude...you gotta comfort a crying lady. Unless of course she knife chops you in the windpipe. Then give her some space.
Sorta reminds me of one of the verses of a Cinderella song 'Save Me'.
"...Get yourself a house, get yourself a pretty wife, she'll collect your life insurance, when she connects you with a knife..."
Dude...you gotta comfort a crying lady. Unless of course she knife chops you in the windpipe. Then give her some space.
True. Your right. That was my stupid mistake.
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) and got her and the kittens to safety. 
). We rented some scary movies and just got done watching one. I usually dont like scary movies, they give me weird dreams and nightmares, but my wife loves to be scared... I can say I wasn't scared at all by this particular movie while she was. An interesting role reversal. after the movie we had a smoke and she said "I'll let you go home to your parents, but expect to come back at some point tonight"... hmmm, ok. 
