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I just recently got engaged to my fiance. We've dated for alsmot 3 years.
I live here in U.S but my parents live in back home country. My fiance has never been back with me to visit them. Lately my father is getting very sick and I'm flying back to see him. I ask my fiance if he could go with me this time since now we are engaged and I do need his support as my father is, god forbidden, dying. My fiance says he doesn't want to go because it's a very far trip and he wants to save vacation time for taking his daughter on vacation during her spring break.
I just feel crushed. I understand he doesn't get to see his daughter(who's with the ex)every day. But he does take her on week-long and out-of-state vacation at least twice a year besides seeing her every other two weeks on weekends.
I tell him it's important to me but he asks me to be understanding.
Am I not being understanding for feeling resentful, disappointed?
first, think of this you should go see your father before he passes, this is a VERY personal thing to do-you will probly be around your family....if you can do it alone,,,this is your trip to your family-they should just care if you are happy.
I wouldnt want to go either...
im sorry if that sounds selfish, but its going to be one big depressing trip,,,then the pressures of meeting the rest of the family, under a cloud someone is dying.
tell your family "I want my father to remember me as his daughter and not some mans wife-thats why i come alone- i dont want my father to feel even worse, knowing he wont see this man again.
and cant make the wedding
if /when you go alone, you will be glad you did...you get to be on your own clock, to see other family members
I despise having to go to funerals, or seeing people that are almost passed...despise going to hospitals....and if im dying-thats the last thing i want to see..is someone elses spouse, id want to see my daughter,,,and to know she was safe/secure and all,,, if im close to death and look/feel like it- no , i dont wanna see anyone but my closest family- thats it
First, I am very sorry that your father is ill. Second, I agree with maineBrokerman to a certain extent. Considering that your fiance has never met your family or been back home with you, I wouldn't recommend taking a "stranger" to such a personal event that will be very heartbreaking for your family. If you put yourself in his shoes, he will do more harm than good being there due to the fact that he would feel extrememly uncomfortable. You might be trying to comfort him rather than your family who needs it more right now.
On the other hand, I don't understand how he couldn't have met your family in the past three years. It would hurt me, before my father became ill, that he wouldn't meet them. Before you walk down the aisle, maybe you should have a conversation discussing his lack of wanting to be involved with your family as much you are with his...
And how it relates to dating single parents vs childeless people. OP, your guy seems selfish from what you are saying. If he cares about you, he has a responsibility to make this work.
I think he should absolutely go with you. I definitely agree kids come first, but your dad is really sick and this guy isn't just a casual boyfriend. He's going to be your husband and isn't the whole point of getting married to have someone there for support in times like this? I am really close to my parents, if one of them were sick and my fiance wasn't there to support me I might rethink my engagement.
I'm the type of person that likes to cope with family issues, illness, etc. with my family and not my SO. So, no I dont see a problem with him choosing to use his vacation time with his daughter. But then again, I would never date a man with a kid, because this type of choosing his daughter first is likely to happen on a regular basis.
I would be hesitant to go as well. But I think if it's going to be the last chance to meet your father, he should go. I can't imagine missing that chance ...
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