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OkCupid doesn't have a wink/flirt function but to answer your question and I'm NOT looking for advice or any help about it, I'm rejection phobic to the nth degree.
Get over it, the key to scoring a lot of dates is getting rejections too.
If I got worked up over every rejection I'd be in a mental institute. Rejections mean nothing.
OkCupid doesn't have a wink/flirt function but to answer your question and I'm NOT looking for advice or any help about it, I'm rejection phobic to the nth degree.
All the more reason for you to actually put yourself in positions to BE rejected, IMO. You'll find you won't die on the spot, in fact you'll be just fine, and pretty soon you won't have that fear hanging over your head anymore.
Ok, point well taken and can I please leave the rejection phobic topic for another thread. I promise you I'll get back to rejection phobia.
But right now, I'd hope that we could stay on topic with my question about who goes first.
Both do, but mostly the guys. One thing I always do is check the girls that have looked at my profile but didn't send me anything. If I find them interesting I send a message. Some respond .. some don't.
I've also had great dates with girls that message me first. My last relationship, the girl messaged me first.
I get dates online and offline.. but this thread seems to be dealing with online. I'd say 60% of the dates I've gone on were me contacting first, and 40% was the girl contacting me first.
There are no rules, some girls will write first, and others (like me) would wait for the guy to. So if you decide to wait for them that's on you, but you will most likely be taking some girls you might like out of the mix by doing so.
There are no rules, some girls will write first, and others (like me) would wait for the guy to. So if you decide to wait for them that's on you, but you will most likely be taking some girls you might like out of the mix by doing so.
This exactly.
To add to that, I can't even say I notice if a girl "waits to message" or not, because I don't think about it.
The only attractive girls that are able to message me first are the ones I somehow miss. I message every single girl who is good looking WITHOUT NEGATIVITY IN THEIR PROFILE.
I did know two men who went on singles sites like OkCupid and had women throw themselves at them (particularly the first guy) but they were different than me.
First guy was a lawyer making over $300,000 a year. LOL he's a rugged looking guy and very old school looking. Man, I was over his house one day, I saw all the initial responses he was getting. Hundreds of flirts (from SeniorPeopleMeet as he's an older man, close to 70) and maybe 15 messages that I could see. He didn't have to do anything, just let the ladies flock to him.
But like the man on the radio sings, It Ain't Me Babe.
Second guy, he wasn't doing nearly as well as the lawyer but he was hot. He probably got as many messages as he got flirts, nowhere near my lawyer friend but still amazingly blazing hot. He's a working class guy, he has a kind of facial look that hints of being maybe a weight lifter if you look at his picture but although he isn't a sexually dominant type based on his easy going ways and his stated tastes, he has a look of being a high testosterone very dominant kind of guy and I guess that the women might have been responding to that. So he found himself a gf but not from the sites which he had to quit as he was beginning to lose track of all the potential women he had lined up to meet with.
I did know two men who went on singles sites like OkCupid and had women throw themselves at them (particularly the first guy) but they were different than me.
First guy was a lawyer making over $300,000 a year. LOL he's a rugged looking guy and very old school looking. Man, I was over his house one day, I saw all the initial responses he was getting. Hundreds of flirts (from SeniorPeopleMeet as he's an older man, close to 70) and maybe 15 messages that I could see. He didn't have to do anything, just let the ladies flock to him.
But like the man on the radio sings, It Ain't Me Babe.
Second guy, he wasn't doing nearly as well as the lawyer but he was hot. He probably got as many messages as he got flirts, nowhere near my lawyer friend but still amazingly blazing hot. He's a working class guy, he has a kind of facial look that hints of being maybe a weight lifter if you look at his picture but although he isn't a sexually dominant type based on his easy going ways and his stated tastes, he has a look of being a high testosterone very dominant kind of guy and I guess that the women might have been responding to that. So he found himself a gf but not from the sites which he had to quit as he was beginning to lose track of all the potential women he had lined up to meet with.
Again, It Ain't Me Babe.
Okay....and I'm not a 5'10" 115 pound model and I'm no longer young, but I still got dates and met my honey online. Most people are not "blazing hot" nor do they make $300,000 a year, but most of us still manage to meet people. Meeting someone does not require you to be hot or rich, but it does require you to get out of your comfort zone and take some risks.
If a woman is interested, does she write a few words to the man? Or are we still trapped in a time where its still somehow concerned "unfeminine" for the woman to make the first advance beyond looking at the man. You know, maids in waiting and all that (hopefully) archaic history channel (I HOPE) junk.
What's the story?
I sometimes contact men first, but it's rare. If I view a guy's profile and he then views mine, I figure he will send me a message if he's interested enough.
OkCupid doesn't have a wink/flirt function but to answer your question and I'm NOT looking for advice or any help about it, I'm rejection phobic to the nth degree.
Rating a profile 4-5 stars on OKC is similar to winking in that the person will be notified.
If you're afraid of rejection, online dating isn't going to work.
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