Marriage - I don't get this... (child, college, friend, couples)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My guess is that they're afraid that people will get married and actually be happy..then they'll have to come to the realization that they may have missed out on something.
Just like when people can't do something, then turn around and say 'well, I didn't want to anyway' when they realized they may have missed out.
I've been married, you aren't missing out.
Because marriage is an antiquated tradition that offers no benefits but people feel compelled to do it thinking it validates their love. Instead, it puts both people in a legally binding contract where it increases the propensity of one or both parties to mistreat each other.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,706 posts, read 41,855,063 times
Reputation: 41429
Quote:
Originally Posted by lol-its-good4U
Bless you and yours marriage , because it's not as rosy or not rosy at all for very many out there.
And yes when one signs the marriage contract it becomes a business deal with the state if one likes it or not and enforced if/when divorce comes their way.
Not that I am siding with anyone or want to get personal but Stan4 is a female who is "married" to a female in Texas, a state that does not legally recognize gay marriage and a state that has very tough laws against alimony. Just an observation, but it might be easier to say from her POV since technically she does not have much to lose due to her situation and her state's laws.
Because marriage is an antiquated tradition that offers no benefits but people feel compelled to do it thinking it validates their love. Instead, it puts both people in a legally binding contract where it increases the propensity of one or both parties to mistreat each other.
You make a very good point.
One thing I have seen with married couples (which is a HUGE mistake in my book) is the propensity to treat each other like you treat anything else you take for granted.
You get comfortable with people (like your family) and you feel like you can be snarky or take your bad mood out on them because they have no choice but to be there for you forever.
You know how you might snidely quip at your mother who is nagging you or rag on your brother who is bugging you or just be grouchy because something happened at work...
I DO NOT THINK this is a good strategy for your marriage...your spouse is the one person you should treat like the most cherished spun glass...this is your partner for life. Your teammate. Why do you spend time being polite to complete strangers (who don't matter) and not put every ounce of effort to do the same for them? Because you take for granted they will always be there. Mistake mistake mistake mistake...and I can't tell you how many relationships I have seen circle the drain because of this attitude.
You make a very good point.
One thing I have seen with married couples (which is a HUGE mistake in my book) is the propensity to treat each other like you treat anything else you take for granted.
You get comfortable with people (like your family) and you feel like you can be snarky or take your bad mood out on them because they have no choice but to be there for you forever.
You know how you might snidely quip at your mother who is nagging you or rag on your brother who is bugging you or just be grouchy because something happened at work...
I DO NOT THINK this is a good strategy for your marriage...your spouse is the one person you should treat like the most cherished spun glass...this is your partner for life. Your teammate. Why do you spend time being polite to complete strangers (who don't matter) and not put every ounce of effort to do the same for them? Because you take for granted they will always be there. Mistake mistake mistake mistake...and I can't tell you how many relationships I have seen circle the drain because of this attitude.
Not that I am siding with anyone or want to get personal but Stan4 is a female who is "married" to a female in Texas, a state that does not legally recognize gay marriage and a state that has very tough laws against alimony. Just an observation, but it might be easier to say from her POV since technically she does not have much to lose due to her situation and her state's laws.
There have been successful suits for PALIMONY and I have legally adopted our son, so I not only have rights to him but I also have a legal and financial responsibility to him (that could easily be abused as we have all seen).
I was married once for 12 years, divorced now, that,marriage wasnt beefed up to what I thought it could be,,perhaps it was the person I married? I am now with a different person <been together 11 years>, no we are not married, you dont need a piece of happy to be truly happy...Do I despise marriage? No, Will I ever marry? Who knows??
So here's what I don't get. Why are so many people so anti-marriage to the point that they think that nobody should ever get married and they can't wait for it to die out (which I highly doubt it will). I understand not wanting to get married - I really do. We all want different things out of life. But while I don't think that EVERYONE should get married - I don't understand why some people seem to think that NOBODY should get married. Why not just do what's best for you and let others do what's best for them? Some people really love being married. I don't see what the big deal is. Can anyone explain all the hatred about something that is not mandatory?
The short answer: Because misery loves company!
The long answer behind the short answer: When people are vocal about their opposition to something, it's usually because they have had a bad experience with it themselves, they fear it, they want it but are afraid they'll never have it (so it's easier to declare it evil), they feel threatened by it somehow, or they just want to be rude, ruffle feathers, and get some attention for themselves.
That's really all it is. Those who are secure in their lives and lifestyles don't feel compelled to denigrate the choices others make.
Well, a basic contract isn't supposed to be a risky thing, or at least, the recognition of it's validity, because both people VOLUNTARILY choose to enter into it.
I think part of what turns people (perhaps maybe men more) off is the fact that judges ignoring contracts, people's AGREEMENTS, is morally reprehensible, and maybe they implicitly understand and believe that they would also be doing society a favor by marrying, and if society doesn't want to recognize my humanity, my right to contract, why the hell should I help it?
And it IS a business decision. It's a business decision that is a life decision, but it's still a kind of a business decision
"Trend" probably is the wrong word. But to suggest marriage is automatically "financial suicide" is the kind of negativity I was talking about.
First, Divorce can be financially disastrous. However, it is often equally disastrous for women, sometimes more so. I work in family law and see it all the time.
There is nothing negative about that at all. I'm just using logic and common sense, I'm not going to invest in something that has a 50% chance (or more) to fail. Would you get on a plane that had a 50% chance to crash? Would you heavily invest in a business that had a 50% chance to fail?
Quote:
Originally Posted by RogersParkGuy
Second, marriage brings many financial advantages people never even think about. For example, in many states, married couples can take possession of their primary residence under a rule called tenancy in the entirety. What that does, in a nutshell, is forbid creditors from forcing a married couple to sell their home tp pay off debt. That is a HUGE advantage many people are unaware of.
You sound like the people who say you should buy a home just so you can get a tax break not realizing that you might be better off not even buying a home in the first place. So in your example, I could care less about "tenancy in the entirety" because I'm financially responsible enough to not be in debt, or marry somebody who is in debt, in the first place.
There is nothing negative about that at all. I'm just using logic and common sense, I'm not going to invest in something that has a 50% chance (or more) to fail. Would you get on a plane that had a 50% chance to crash? Would you heavily invest in a business that had a 50% chance to fail?
Hollow argument. Divorces are circumstantial. You can't pick 5 random couples and confidently assume that each has an equal chance of divorcing. Just because something like 50% of marriages end in divorce (a flawed statistic, by the way) doesn't mean that any given couple has a 50% chance of splitting.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
, because it's not as rosy or not rosy at all for very many out there.
,marriage wasnt beefed up to what I thought it could be,,perhaps it was the person I married? I am now with a different person <been together 11 years>, no we are not married, you dont need a piece of happy to be truly happy...Do I despise marriage? No, Will I ever marry? Who knows??